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Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

12/16/2008

Dear Santa:

Posted by Gwen |

I've been really super good this year - I gave to charity and I made lasagnas for people who had babies and one time I even helped an old lady get out of her bondage hood.  This being said, I would like a Dictaphone for Christmas.  See, I write this silly little blog and over time I've realized I get the most creative post ideas when I'm in the shower and when I'm driving, both situations in which it's hard to write notes.  I'm not saying I don't, just that it's difficult.


I'm not tooting my own horn when I tell you that I really whip up some doozies when I can't do anything about it.  The posts I dream up while otherwise occupied are clever and thoughtful and use words like efficacy.  Problem is, by the time I get somewhere I can write I've either forgotten the idea entirely or the wording simply isn't as magical - and I know how you like magic!  I just know I'd be a much better blogger if I could dictate these posts.  Oh, and all my great post ideas, too!

On second thought, the only thing those ideas would be good for is a collection of terrible ideas.  Hey!  See?  There's a great idea and I'm neither in the shower nor driving.  Imagine what I'd be capable of if I could dictate these ideas as they come to me.  My readers might even say it's a present for them, too.

Thanks, man.  You're the best!

Yours in McGone,

Gwennie

P.S. I'm assuming you want your usual hot toddy this year.  I know how much you like a drink before you have to fly into East St. Louis.  Email me if you want something stronger - times have been tough and you may need it.

23 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

I will make this for you out of toilet paper cores and plumbing supplies. It may take years but damn it I'll do it!

P.S. I just wrote a post about our love making.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

I write all of my best posts in the shower. True story: 'The Gospel According to Richard' was going to be about the Pussycat Dolls, not Rick Astley, until I had a thoughtful shower.

Gwen said...

IR: And that post is blog gold! I knew you'd get it.

~E said...

what the heck is a dictaphone? is that a precursor to the VOICE RECORDER?

You know...it will probably be easier for Santa to find a vr at the local best buy than a dictaphone.

just sayin...

Suze said...

Dear Santa:

Gwen was not a good girl. She broke into my house, drank my liquor, peed on my porch, and outed Whiskeymarie as a man. You'd be better off giving all her gifts to the delightful blogger and all-around wonderful girl - Suzel aka Suzel's Sass.

Thank you.

Signed Anonymous

McGone said...

I think you had him right up until the sacrilege in the sign-off. But I'll talk to the jolly fucker and I'll see if I can smooth things over.

That damn expat said...

Great idea but I'm thinking a dictaphone won't work in the shower.
Instead you should ask Santa for a hot male secretary.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Hot Toddy for Santa?? I love that! Why didn't I think of that? No wonder Santa goes to your house every year first!
Brilliant Gwennie! I hope the fat guy brings you everything you asked for!

mike said...

I never have any idea what I am going to write on my blog until that second. Maybe that's why your blog is so much better and more popular than mine...

Oh yeah, also I am sitting here at work, cracking up at all of the Dick-taphone jokes running thru my head. Thanks.

Whiskeymarie said...

I have all of my best ideas right before I fall asleep/pass out. Unfortunately for me, all of the ideas I bother to get out of bed for seem to be bad ones involving me channeling my inner 80 year-old cranky man and why people are jerks.

And- I shit you not- my husband works with a guy who VERY RECENTLY (like, three weeks ago) was told by higher-ups that he needed to stop using his dictaphone and start using a computer. He said the dude was PISSED. Gotta love the old codgers.

surviving myself said...

Dictaphone sounds like porn. It totally does.

Gwen said...

~E~: Ah yes, my sassy gun-toting young one, that may be but Dictaphone is so much more fun to say.

Stacie said...

my thoughts all come as I am trying to fall asleep, then by morning *poof* gone.

I hope you get your dictaphone. ;)

words words words said...

I'd be careful. I dictaphone once, and not only did I get electrocuted, but my long distance bill was astronomical.

Gwen said...

WWW: "long" distance bill? hahahahaha!

pistols at dawn said...

I can't believe no one's offered to give you a dictaphone in the shower or - physics permitting - while driving. After all, I've already put the webcam in your shower, so how hard can it be to throw some audio on that thing?

liberalmudhen said...

FYI - the line "Baby, just speak into the dictaphone" never EVER works.

And that's one to grow on...

Alice said...

Gwen, I like the sexy male taking notes for your and as a bonus he would have a dick.

Giggle Pixie said...

I was going to ask why you couldn't just use a typical tape recorder, or like a recording device that's included in your camera phone or something.

But then I realized...it's because a dictaphone has a...ahem...dic.

I hear ya sister. I sure hope the big guy comes through for ya!!

lol

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You get your best ideas when you're showering and when you're driving? Cool. I get all my good ideas when I'm naked, too.

Alex Galvez said...

"What do you expect me to do with all these great ideas? Put them in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for Lois." -- Peter Griffin, "Family Guy"

Moe Wanchuk said...

I wish I could "Toot My Own Horn"

Del-V said...

I get my best ideas when I'm in boring meetings. The funniest and best ideas come to me during the most important meetings. That is ADHD in action!

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