I've been really super good this year - I gave to charity and I made lasagnas for people who had babies and one time I even helped an old lady get out of her bondage hood. This being said, I would like a Dictaphone for Christmas. See, I write this silly little blog and over time I've realized I get the most creative post ideas when I'm in the shower and when I'm driving, both situations in which it's hard to write notes. I'm not saying I don't, just that it's difficult.
I'm not tooting my own horn when I tell you that I really whip up some doozies when I can't do anything about it. The posts I dream up while otherwise occupied are clever and thoughtful and use words like efficacy. Problem is, by the time I get somewhere I can write I've either forgotten the idea entirely or the wording simply isn't as magical - and I know how you like magic! I just know I'd be a much better blogger if I could dictate these posts. Oh, and all my great post ideas, too!
On second thought, the only thing those ideas would be good for is a collection of terrible ideas. Hey! See? There's a great idea and I'm neither in the shower nor driving. Imagine what I'd be capable of if I could dictate these ideas as they come to me. My readers might even say it's a present for them, too.
Thanks, man. You're the best!
Yours in McGone,
Gwennie
P.S. I'm assuming you want your usual hot toddy this year. I know how much you like a drink before you have to fly into East St. Louis. Email me if you want something stronger - times have been tough and you may need it.
23 comments:
I will make this for you out of toilet paper cores and plumbing supplies. It may take years but damn it I'll do it!
P.S. I just wrote a post about our love making.
I write all of my best posts in the shower. True story: 'The Gospel According to Richard' was going to be about the Pussycat Dolls, not Rick Astley, until I had a thoughtful shower.
IR: And that post is blog gold! I knew you'd get it.
what the heck is a dictaphone? is that a precursor to the VOICE RECORDER?
You know...it will probably be easier for Santa to find a vr at the local best buy than a dictaphone.
just sayin...
Dear Santa:
Gwen was not a good girl. She broke into my house, drank my liquor, peed on my porch, and outed Whiskeymarie as a man. You'd be better off giving all her gifts to the delightful blogger and all-around wonderful girl - Suzel aka Suzel's Sass.
Thank you.
Signed Anonymous
I think you had him right up until the sacrilege in the sign-off. But I'll talk to the jolly fucker and I'll see if I can smooth things over.
Great idea but I'm thinking a dictaphone won't work in the shower.
Instead you should ask Santa for a hot male secretary.
Hot Toddy for Santa?? I love that! Why didn't I think of that? No wonder Santa goes to your house every year first!
Brilliant Gwennie! I hope the fat guy brings you everything you asked for!
I never have any idea what I am going to write on my blog until that second. Maybe that's why your blog is so much better and more popular than mine...
Oh yeah, also I am sitting here at work, cracking up at all of the Dick-taphone jokes running thru my head. Thanks.
I have all of my best ideas right before I fall asleep/pass out. Unfortunately for me, all of the ideas I bother to get out of bed for seem to be bad ones involving me channeling my inner 80 year-old cranky man and why people are jerks.
And- I shit you not- my husband works with a guy who VERY RECENTLY (like, three weeks ago) was told by higher-ups that he needed to stop using his dictaphone and start using a computer. He said the dude was PISSED. Gotta love the old codgers.
Dictaphone sounds like porn. It totally does.
~E~: Ah yes, my sassy gun-toting young one, that may be but Dictaphone is so much more fun to say.
my thoughts all come as I am trying to fall asleep, then by morning *poof* gone.
I hope you get your dictaphone. ;)
I'd be careful. I dictaphone once, and not only did I get electrocuted, but my long distance bill was astronomical.
WWW: "long" distance bill? hahahahaha!
I can't believe no one's offered to give you a dictaphone in the shower or - physics permitting - while driving. After all, I've already put the webcam in your shower, so how hard can it be to throw some audio on that thing?
FYI - the line "Baby, just speak into the dictaphone" never EVER works.
And that's one to grow on...
Gwen, I like the sexy male taking notes for your and as a bonus he would have a dick.
I was going to ask why you couldn't just use a typical tape recorder, or like a recording device that's included in your camera phone or something.
But then I realized...it's because a dictaphone has a...ahem...dic.
I hear ya sister. I sure hope the big guy comes through for ya!!
lol
You get your best ideas when you're showering and when you're driving? Cool. I get all my good ideas when I'm naked, too.
"What do you expect me to do with all these great ideas? Put them in a tub and clean myself with them? Cause that's what soap is for Lois." -- Peter Griffin, "Family Guy"
I wish I could "Toot My Own Horn"
I get my best ideas when I'm in boring meetings. The funniest and best ideas come to me during the most important meetings. That is ADHD in action!
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