I don't intend to keep going on about the sudden popularity of this blog (tres gauche!), but before all this new attention EILCC was just a place where I posted the things that ran through my head for the entertainment of a group of friends, people who had been here a long time. My audience was familiar, like family.
But now? Now I feel like I accidentally ripped a loud fart in the middle of a fancy party during an unexpectedly quiet moment and suddenly every pair of eyes in the room is locked on me. No, worse - like I farted in the middle of a fancy party, the room went dark, a spotlight lit up over my head, and THEN everyone in the room turned to look right at me. I can't decide whether to giggle hysterically or to panic and blame it on the dog.
Excited, I've spent a lot of time thinking about all of you new people: who you are, what you're like, what you like to do, whether or not the carpet matches the drapes. In fact, I daydreamed about you so much that, without intending to, I crafted a list of statistics about you:
- As I wrote this, 75 of you were having sex. (High five! after you've washed your hands.)
- It's even possible that 2 of you were doing it with each other. (It could happen.)
- 21% of you ride scooters for fun on the weekends. (Helmets, please.)
- 16% of you are not wearing pants.
- 4 of you still drink Tang.
- Of the16% of you not wearing pants, 2% of you are touching yourself inappropriately. (Stop it. You can wait until you've finished reading this post.)
- 3% of that 2% you are going to want to tell me you really were touching yourself. (Don't.)
- 100% of me wants to switch the topic.
- 12% of you are eating some sort of whole grain cereal for dinner. (That's not enough for dinner. Eat a piece of fruit. Monkeys like bananas.)
- 56% of you like hats.
- 89% of you also write a blog.
- One of you is a secret mime and spends too much time thinking about how to use keyboard symbols to make a box in the comments.
- 3% of you are seriously into Heavy Metal. (\m/)
- One of you has man hands and keeps Asian teens in your basement. (You know who you are. I miss you.)
- Three of you attend a monthly LARP event.
- 30 of you don't like me anymore.
- 7 of you are using a keyboard missing its "S" key.
- 63% of you dance it out in the dining room when you have the house to yourself.
- 24 of you read romance novels but don't admit it.
- Everybody likes sammiches!
If these stats are accurate, it would surprise the crap outta me I don't think I have any reason to fret: you newbies are really nice, and the alumni are just as weird as you are.
