I just spent the last three hours trying to figure out why, no matter where I went, I smelled a funky, musty, poopy odor.
On my way out of the house this morning, AFTER my daily shower, I watered some plants and while doing so I smelled poop. Figuring my friend H had missed a deposit left by her dog on Wednesday night, I dismissed it.
Until I got a mile from the house and smelled it at Quik Trip, where I stop for coffee every morning. At that point I blamed it on River Des Peres, a drainage canal about 2 miles from my house and a mile from Quik Trip that makes the whole area stink to high heaven when the water level gets low.
Until I got to work, about 15 miles from home, and I still smelled it. At that point I panicked and made people in the office smell me. My BFF was the only person who would admit to smelling it and she promptly sprayed me down with cucumber/green tea body spray.
Until I got a mile from the house and smelled it at Quik Trip, where I stop for coffee every morning. At that point I blamed it on River Des Peres, a drainage canal about 2 miles from my house and a mile from Quik Trip that makes the whole area stink to high heaven when the water level gets low.
Until I got to work, about 15 miles from home, and I still smelled it. At that point I panicked and made people in the office smell me. My BFF was the only person who would admit to smelling it and she promptly sprayed me down with cucumber/green tea body spray.
But I could still smell it. I freaked. Googling “why do I smell poop everywhere I go?” only convinced me that I had a brain tumor or, even worse, a funky vagine. Terrified, I made an immediate plan to soak myself for hours in a hot, hot, hot bath of lavender Epsom salts when I got home.
And then, about 11 am, I remembered. When H was over Wednesday night she did a load of laundry and found a wet load in the washer that I had forgotten to dry. We smelled it; it smelled fine, so we threw it in the dryer.
HOWEVER, the shorts I am wearing today were in that load. I am wearing musty drawers. I am marinating in funk. I feel unclean and hideous. I can’t stand myself. I’m tempted to go to Kohl’s at lunch and buy new pants because I don’t think I can deal even though I’ve located the source and have been assured no one else can smell me. Ugh. The only thing I could think of that could make this better was telling you so you could laugh at me.
HOWEVER, the shorts I am wearing today were in that load. I am wearing musty drawers. I am marinating in funk. I feel unclean and hideous. I can’t stand myself. I’m tempted to go to Kohl’s at lunch and buy new pants because I don’t think I can deal even though I’ve located the source and have been assured no one else can smell me. Ugh. The only thing I could think of that could make this better was telling you so you could laugh at me.
