Everything I Like Causes Cancer: There is still a ho in ho-hum

1/25/2011

JUST WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!1!

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Perspective, Stupid, There is still a ho in ho-hum

I mean, really! I've been sitting here all alone, by myself, in the cold quiet of January just waaaaaaaating for one of you to come by HQ and visit. BORED OUT OF MY MIND ALL ALONE SAD.

What'sat ya say? . . .

I'm the one who's been missing? . . .

Since before Christmas?!

*sits up a little taller, squishes face and cocks head to the side, confused*

Nuh uh . . .

No, no, no. It was you! You were the one! . . .

No, wait.

Wait just a minute.

No, you're right. It was me.

Hey, sorry I yelled. I get a little kooky when I'm losing my mind. Heh. January, right? It's a bitch.

comments (37)

1/12/2010

Yes, snippets of emails are the best I have to offer.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Lazy is as lazy does, There is still a ho in ho-hum

I received an email today from a very dear friend who was sending me her homemade hummus recipe. She opened with this:

Hi Stinky!

Long time no blog. I've missed reading your whacky spin on life and I would worry, but you've been leaving comments and Face-booking so I figured you're not kidnapped. If you are kidnapped, it must not be so bad since you've got internet access and all.

So I replied:

Hey, nerd!

You crack me up! I haven't been kidnapped but if I had I would INSIST on wifi. And I can be a real pill when I want to be so I'm sure my kidnappers would comply (or just take me RIGHT BACK HOME to get me to shut the hell up.)

Yeah, for some reason I'm just not feeling Blogaritaville. My life has been kinda poopy which has made me melancholy. I've had car troubles since mid-December. First it was the transmission and then it was terrible metallic squealy noises (which turned out to be an axle seal) and then it shook like your moneymaker at speeds over 45 mph (which turned out to be tires). It has been in the shop three times in as many weeks. I've spent about $3k and now I am BROKE. Like well and truly broke. Like ramen noodles broke. If something else happens I'm putting a "hit" out on it - you can pay the mob to "steal" your car, right? And you can pay them in sexual favors, right?

Pair all that with this craptastic sub-zero weather and you get a surly, hermity Gwennie. I only have about 140 characters worth of pleasant thoughts at a time right now. (Maybe I should just cut and paste the past three paragraphs into a blog post.)

Homemade hummus will make me happier. Garlic and chickpeas are cheap and the making of it will make me feel creative again. You rule, my dear friend.

Yours until the mob breaks my knees,
Gwen