Everything I Like Causes Cancer

The following is a guest post from LM, my good friend and frequent commenter:

This past weekend was Cheesefest, a big annual fundraiser for Shriner's Hospital. It's casual and a lot of fun because there's cheese, music, and drinkin' for the kids. Early in the evening as I look over the silent auction items, I am immediately drawn to "St. Louis County Cop for a Day". I mentioned it aloud to my friend Mary, but passed it up for no particular reason, other than perhaps it's silly for a 38 year old female to want to do such a thing. On the 2nd trip back to the auction table, after talking incessantly about it for the previous 1/2 hour, my friend Mary said if I didn't write my name and bid on it, she would do it for me.

And she did. She wrote my name down and put the minimum bid. All night, in between wine tastings and mouse races, we kept checking back at the silent auction table. With each glance of no additional bidders, my fantasy of living out an episode of COPS (as a good guy, not a bad guy) was becoming more of a reality. The fact that the day comes with a dozen Krispy Kremes, I thought, is the icing on the cake. You see, donuts are one of my top 5 favorite foods of all times. And how beautifully cliche it would be to eat donuts on a cop ride-along.

But as the evening went on, I started daydreaming aloud about what would make my day as a cop even more spectacular? First of all, if it has to be in the County, I surely am hoping for a ride-along in as far north county as possible. I started thinking of the likes of Bellefontaine and Black Jack, and please Lord don't let it be Ballwin or Town 'N' Country. Second, I'm thinking I really hope I get to pick my shift, because I want an action packed Saturday night, not some Tuesday day shift. Lastly, I divulge to Mary my admittedly initial thought: that it would be extra nice if I got a Hot Cop. Mary quickly urged me not to dwell on this, noting that "fun cop" is much more important than "hot cop". I firmly agreed with her. Plus, Hot Cops really only exist in music videos. And on CHiPs. I did not want a stiff for my 8 hour ride along, as this day is about fun. So my vision of a hot cop vanished and I got scared, praying to my lucky stars I'd at least get a fun one who would find me kooky and humorous, and not annoying.

Well, by the time the auction ended I was still the lone bidder- so I WON! I did a little victory dance and then ran to tell my other friends who were there. A lot of high 5s ensued. Then I went in the little room they had set up for people to pay for their auction items. I stood in line vocally flaunting my winnings with the crowd of strangers. One gal heard me and pointed to two men with her and said, "hey, these 2 guys are county cops". The men then told me that the cop who volunteered the ride along, MY cop, was out there somewhere amongst the crowd. Whoa! I was even more excited, thinking he must be halfway fun if he was at Cheesefest.

I got sidetracked from all the chaos in the payment room, but as I exited I snapped back into reality and flung my arms in the air declaring out loud, "St Louis County Cop for a day!". Suddenly a tall, dark, overly neat, and handsome man approached me and asked if I was the one who won that auction item. Despite being in awe of his handsome good looks, I mustered up the ability to say, "Are YOU my cop?!". And he said yes, and there was another high 5 and a hug from my new Hot Cop friend.


I quickly instructed my friend Gwen to come over and get a photo of me with my cop, before this insane dream-like night disappeared on me. See attached photo. His name is Ryan, Officer Ryan to you and me I suppose, but I like to call him Hot Cop because it's more fun. We talked for a bit and I got the scoop.

I can pick my own shift (score!), and he recommended the "power shift" from 3-11 on a Saturday. Bingo - just what I wanted. I said, "you're not in west county are you?", and he replied, "No, far north county, near Spanish Lake and the City border". Double Bingo. He also told me he wasn't thrilled about the donut part of it (not his idea, although the ride along was his own doing) because it's too cliche, to which I responded that is exactly what is so great about it. I not only talked him into polishing off that box of donuts off with me by the end of the 8 hour shift, but I also think I talked him into taking me to get the donuts as our first stop of the day, so that I can document the whole thing on film! Ooh, and I probably will have to hum/sing the theme to COPS at multiple points throughout the day. There's nothing wrong with cliche at times like this.

Overall, Hot Cop seemed very laid back and prepared for a day of fun. He also mentioned a few minor details, such as the waiver I have to sign that basically releases the police from any liability in case I get killed. I must say, if I happen to get caught in some Spanish Lake crossfire, I can't imagine a better way to go out than having spent an 8 hour day in a car with that guy eating donuts and fighting crime.

So, that's the end of my story. I'm just so thrilled about it that I thought I'd share my excitement. And hopefully you'll see the humor in the story even though you weren't there. It will not happen for at least a few more weeks, because Hot Cop is on the day shift until then. I'm hoping I'll have some even better stories/photos to share when it's all over.

LM will be back after she collects from Hot Cop
@LM: I will make myself available to shoot the event, if you'd like.