Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


Mother Fat Farter

Posted by Gwen |

So my friend Mitch emails me today and announces that she gave up the word fuck for Lent. She said, "So when I decided to give up the F-Bomb for lent, I thought to myself..."Self, every time you slip and say the F-word, you have to pay yourself a dollar." It's been 24 hours and I've already made $5.00! I may have my entire trip to Mexico paid for in the next 6 weeks!"

I replied with what came to my mind first, "That's fucking hard. I hope you fucking make it, fucker. I love not being Catholic."

Cousin T chimed in and added, "Gwen, at your word party thingy, I want to order a backsplash for Mitch with "FUCK" on it."

It continued like this:

Mitch: I love how supportive you guys are of this idea...It's a good thing I didn't say that I couldn't read it or think it, I'd be totally screwed right now!

Me: Who needs enemies . . . aw, fuck it.

Mitch: Yeah . . . I'm the luckiest girl ever. I'm working on using substitute words for it like fart and frig.

Me: Phooey and flim-flam.

Mitch: Oooh! I like flim-flam.

She informed me later this evening that she's chosen fart as her susbtitute fuck word. She made some compelling arguments for the double hilarity of it's use:

  • She's a farting bitch!
  • Mother fat farter!
  • What's up, farter?
I have to agree with her choice. Farter.


amy & jeff said...

Fart is ABSOLUTELY a fair substitute. I'm trying to ween myself of my potty mouth,although I've had very little success. I'm going to try fart for a while, see how that goes.

Go fart yourself.

Hmm..I'll need to work it out some more.

Mitch said...

Hey...congrats to me, I'm up to $9.00 WOO HOO!!

Worker Mommy said...

Fuck, this post is fucking funny.

- made my way over from WhiskeyMarie's site because of your Duran Duran comment...they were my first concert ever and I'm pretty confident I cried ;)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'm a fan of the f-bomb it would be difficult to give up. I'd have to act like my grandma was around all the time.

I'm glad that she qualified that she could still read and think it. Too funny!