Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

Put your running shoes on, people, because we've got a lot of ground to cover today . . .

First, my dear friend The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch is celebrating her First Blogoversary today. I'm actually surprised to hear she's only been doing this for a year. Her writing and storytelling is so good that I just assumed she was a veteran blog writer. Over at her place she's all, "Oh no, I'm not excited. It's no big deal. Whatever. Hey, I almost forgot."

Whatever is right, dude. I love that you pretend to be modest but I know that on the inside you're dancing around and hooting and fist-bumping people so hard it resembles bloody knuckles. I've got $20 that says you're sitting at your desk right now wearing your Burt Reynold's moustache and fondly reminiscing about the time you started a major fad. Happy anniversary, Lady!

Secondly, but no less importantly, my incredibly irreverent and hysterically funny new friend Falwless, who writes Lots Better Then Your Blog, is celebrating her birthday today. She said all she wanted for her birthday was homemade cards. Well, she actually asked for cash and some time with a freaky porn chick but I didn't feel like we knew each other well enough to be furnishing those kinds of gifts. Anyway, here's my homemade card:

Did I really need to tell you it's homemade?

I put it in her comments according to her instructions but the link takes you to a copy of the picture that is super huge. I have no idea how to fix it, nor the inclination to find out, so hopefully she stops by here today so she can see more than one corner of it at a time.

Third, I've actually been biking. Yes, I did what I said I was going to do. Can you believe it? I rode about 3 miles on Sunday and about 4 last night. I predict there will be pain in my near future. My ass bone already feels like someone has been paddling me for hours on end, and not in a good way. I realize that 3-4 miles is nothing but keep in mind that I have not done one exercise in over three years. Cleaning the cat box and doing laundry was my exercise. I am too heavy, I eat a lot of fat and sugar, and I smoke.

I could've ridden a lot farther if I'd been on a flatter trail but I'm just going to keep doing this route, which includes some decent hills, until it gets easier. I just have to keep reminding myself that it does get easier. When I ride I imagine you guys on the side of the road cheering me on but I think a more accurate scenario has you throwing sticks into my spokes so you can laugh at me when I crash. It's ok, I'd do the same to you.

And finally, I got an award at work yesterday for a job well done on a particular case that I can't tell you about. Sorry, I know it's stupid to bring something up that I can't tell you much about but I want you to know because I'm going to use the money that came with the award to buy that bike basket I keep talking about. And also a chain lock. And also some Spanish hookers.

What? I want to learn Spanish.


LM said...

Congrats on your work award, Gwen. It's always nice to be acknowledged for what one does for 8 hours a day, and I know you bust your butt there. Plus, cash is always good!

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen, your art is fabulous. I'm glad you took the time to make it youself and not trace it like some people I know did. Except of course the part where you traced your hand.

Whiskeymarie said...

The biking will get easier, I promise. I've only been getting "serious" (as serious as I get about ANYTHING) for what, three weeks or so now? I can do 8+ miles no problem (with hills!) I'm hoping to get to the point where 15-20 isn't a big deal, but then again I'm also hoping to have hot, sweaty sex with Clive Owen someday.
We'll see which (if either) happens first.

Renaissance Woman said...

I thought that you meant Spanish hookers to share as a birthday present for your friend. That would have been a nice gift!

Secondly, I agree...Lady Who Doesn't Lunch sounds like she has been blogging for years!

Lastly...congrats on your good work and the bonus! It's nice to be appreciated...wish you could share the details of the case. But then they would have to take back the bonus.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Blushing over here! Thanks Gwen - you are too kind. I don't keep my mustache at work although it IS taped to the wall in our home office.

Good job on the bike rides - I used to love my bike and am thinking now that I should dust it off and give it another go.

Moe Wanchuk said...

Stay on that bike a couple more months...and you'll have to change your blog to SweetCheeks!

oh..and tell whiskey that I look Identical to Clive Owen.....seriously..or I mean..Trust me!

Keeper Of All Things said...

So THATS how everyone learns spanish?!!!!

Falwless said...

Thank you so much, you tanned and gorgeous lady. Best hand turkey I have ever received. (And I receive a shitload of hand turkeys, let me tell you what.)

I am so appreciative of your generosity! I deserve it!

(Jus kidding jus kidding)

(Not really)

othurme said...

Buenos dias, Senorita. Que pasa?