Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

One evening earlier this week I was driving home, top down on the car, enjoying a smokey treat, radio blaring. It's not a bad way to travel and the ciggie is optional.

Anyway, I'm blissfully tooling along when I see this guy.

littlepenislittlepenislittlepenislittlepenislittlepenislittlepenislittlepenislittlepenis

Really, guy? You're driving an H3 with license plates that read, "BICEPS"? You were conscious when you made this choice? I imagine you'd be upset to know what people think when they see you, but what options do we have, you over-inflated tool?

I knew immediately that I had to share this ridiculous display of misplaced testosterone with you, but he was in the lane next to me and I kinda had my hands full what with the having to shift my car while also retrieving the camera out of my purse. Needless to say the smokey treat was ditched so I could attempt the rest. Sacrifice number one.

The first order of business was somehow getting the tank positioned in front of me so I could get the shot. I considered using the Vulcan mind meld but it requires physical contact and is rarely used for controlling another person. While I was pondering my options, he serendipitously put on his blinker. Traffic was pretty heavy so I let him in. Sacrifice number two.

Now that he was in the proper position for mocking I had to somehow continue driving safely while also taking a picture. It wasn't easy, or safe. Sacrifice number three.

I tried to get a look at him when he turned left but it was hard with him being 1,200 feet off the ground in that gas-sucking monster. All I could see was a ballcap and sunglasses, which really drives my point home. (I kid.)

Have a great Thursday, monkeys. The week is almost over and we're staring down the barrel of a three-day weekend. Woot.

20 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

What a douche nozzle.

Tricia said...

little penis indeed! LMAO

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Perhaps his favorite elements are bismuth, cerium, phosphorus and sulfer, in that order.

MelO said...

Gwen; You are rapidly becoming my favorite. person. ever.
 
Your caption made me laugh out loud, which is frowned upon in this here office where we're not allowed to have any fun while we "work."  Also, I miss my smokey treats (that is EXACTLY what I called them :-o when I smoked) !!! Have an extra one for me at your first smoke break ;)

Mo said...

Wow. What an insufferable douche.

Amanda said...

HOLY FSM! I have GOT to get my camera back in my car. Personalized plates are cheap here so I see douchey ones all the time.

BICEPS is particularly obnoxious! Thanks for sharing!

Moe Wanchuk said...

God Dammit.....now I feel like I have to cancel my new Minnesota license. UGE BNR

hello haha narf said...

the sacrifices you make for us!!! thank you!

gwen, i would have probably crashed my own car trying to get close enough so that little penis boy could see me holding my thumb and index finger thisclose to each other while i hollered something obnoxious like "just how small does your penis have to be for you to buy that?"

love that you took a photo while driving. dangerous, but worth it!

Renaissance Woman said...

Thank you for risking your life to entertain us! Agree...your picture title is the bumper sticker that needs to go next to the plate!

LM said...

Anyone who drives a hummer is an ass.

liberalmudhen said...

Is this why I was fighting off strange with a stick when I drove a Mercury Capri?

liberalmudhen said...

Is this why I was fighting off strange with a stick when I drove a Mercury Capri?

Falwless said...

Oh go to hell, all of you. Just because I have nice biceps doesn't give you the right to hate on me.

hello haha narf said...

no matter what the comment itself says, every time i see "falwless" i crack the fuck up. always makes me happy.

Stacie said...

roflmao...thanks for risking your life and smoke for our entertainment.

ÄsK AliCë said...

That's a whole new level of douchebaggery

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

You're a giver. Thanks for ditching your smokey treat just for little old us.

mike said...

All that guy needs is the bumper sticker that says, "Your dream is my reality" or maybe a decal with Calvin peeing on something and he would be any number of my friends. (all douchebags, don't worry)

pistols at dawn said...

My ride is looking pretty sweet - thanks for capturing it.

WendyB said...

Why do I never see Pistols at Dawn on the road? Dang!

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