Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

10/31/2008

The Ghost of Halloweens Past

Posted by Gwen |

Circa 1992.  I thought I was all that because I oh-so-smartly went as the ozone layer.  I had just graduated college and I thought I was sooooo cool.  Sadly, I was mostly a douche.


2000 - I'm newly single and ready to party!  As a dominatrix.  That "dress" and the 6 inch thigh-high stiletto boots I'm wearing were ACTUAL STRIPPER CLOTHES.  I'm still pissed that I didn't win Sexiest Costume.  (Look closely, I'm smoking!  Sigh.)

Battered Mrs. Claus.  A favorite that I did several times because I bought the outfit.  Every time I wore it I went around saying things like, "Yeah, Chris seems like a really nice guy on the surface but be late with the cookies once and . . . "  The guy with me is the guy I dated for about 4-5 years.  He is a Palestinian suicide bomber.  This is made even funnier by the fact that he's Jewish.  That costume took him days to make - he wrapped carboard rolls with red tape and wired it and everything.  People's reactions to him were hilarious.

Same guy, another "tacky" costume idea.  We are Postal Workers in the Era of Terror.  We made and wore these right after all that anthrax business.  We even had prescription bottles filled with Spree that we called Cipro tabs and passed out to everyone.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, MONKEYS!
May your plastic pumpkin bucket be filled with King sized bars!

34 comments:

Tricia said...

Very fun! That dominatrix costume is HOT! LOL Takes some guts to wear that I'd say!

I love Halloween. No costume this year though - first time in awhile.

Kinda sad.

Mo said...

Oh my god, I'm such a dork. I completely forgot today's Halloween.
Woo!!! Happy Halloween!!
And good lawd, you're quite the foxy dominatrix. Yowza!

McGone said...

I want to know the story with that pose Domigwentrix is doing.It looks like you are teetering over in your stripper shoes.

Gwen said...

McGone: Good question. If you look closely I have a small whip in the hand that is not holding a lit cigarette - I am whipping the Harem Girl.

Dr Zibbs said...

Awww yeah! In that second costume you look like this chick I dated in college for a few months. She basically told me, "I don't want any strings attached. I want to be able to call you up and have sex at anytime and you can do the same." Oh those were some great times.

Poobomber said...

Hey, there's a hole in the ozone! When did this happen?

I hope you still have the stripper costume, there's good money in that business! I do it all the time!

BeckEye said...

Wonderfully un-PC costumes!

katrocket said...

I have no taste, so I thought these were pretty great costumes.

LYDIA said...

My hell, you are creative! My costumes are lame in comparison...

Whiskeymarie said...

Hi-larious.

And- I think I see your wonky nipple in the 2nd photo.

Just kidding- your nipples look totally non-wonky and awesome in that dress. I'll give you a dollar to put it on again, take a picture and post it here.

Think about it. One WHOLE dollar.

enc said...

Gwen, you have a brilliant, humor-laden, diabolical mind. You are my hero.

How's the not-smoking going?

surviving myself said...

My favorite was the dominatrix costume. But only because you look hot as hell. I mean, only because it was very creative.

Gwen said...

Whiskeymarie: Sadly, I had to give the dress and boot back to the stripper I borrowed them from. More sadly, there is NO WAY IN HELL I'd fit into it anymore.

Also, you are right about the nipple - that IS the wonky one!

ALL: I forgot to mention that we outfitted the the USPS Mail bucket as our cooler. Yes indeedy, our beer was nice and cold in there. I forgot what a great creative team he and I made.

LM said...

Ozone layer. That's funny.

hello haha narf said...

your costumes are SO much better than mine. damn.

this year i am going as a tornado. hope my drunk ass doesn't fall down when i keep twirling around.

Stacie said...

HOW FUN and CREATIVE...

Some Guy said...

I think the dom outfits needs to make a comeback! Take pictures, too, for Zibbs sake. Happy H-ween!

Paintstain said...

"ACTUAL STRIPPER CLOTHES..."

Did you get them from an actual stripper?

It's your emphasis that makes this extra funny. :)

Evil Genius said...

DAMN I wish I had a Halloween party to go to - you've made me long for the good 'ole days of getting all decked out in costume!!

Your costumes were all fantastic!

Gwen said...

Painstain: I did! A friend of mine was dating a stripper and she let me go through her work closet for my costume.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Classic, Just Classic!!

Those are GREAT costumes!!

- Jennifer

words words words said...

Very creative costumes! I love costumes that take some thought and planning. And what's up with so many bloggers being hot? You would think a bunch of people that spent so much time on the internet would be a rather homely group.

pistols at dawn said...

I wish women dressed up like strippers everyday. Also, since I'd feel remiss if I didn't make this joke, but I would have given you the sexiest costume award that year, but the award just would have been herpes, so you dodged a bullet on that one. A herpes-infected bullet.

Renaissance Woman said...

I am so impressed by your passion for the holiday! Great ideas and so many parties...can't wait to see the pictures from this year. Good for you wearing the stripper clothes...you pulled them off nicely.

Scope said...

Let me get this right, you went as the "HO" in the ozone layer?

NIIIIIIIIIICE.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Wow, you seriously have the best ideas!

Fancy Schmancy said...

You're hysterical.

Isn't it a felony to "borrow" a USPS mail bucket and fill it with alcohol? Did you know they are also the perfect size to store old record albums? Or so I've heard.

Great costumes.

Moe Wanchuk said...

Hey Walleye...Let's see the Stripper outfit tried on TODAY. We don't want Art...we want SEX

MelO said...

I love love LOVE these costume ideas, Gwen! You really are creative! And look at how innocent you look with long hair! :)

Suze said...

Damn it Gwen, you could've at least given my credit for loaning you the clothes. It's always YOU, YOU, YOU!

Suze said...

And by given "my" credit I mean given me credit. I was typing my angry words so fast I couldn't stop to proofread. YOU~!!!

Baby Ice Dog said...

Like the dominatrix costume. Didn't I see you on 1800spankme.com?

Agent Elle said...

LOVE the dominatrix costume. Those pics are great - thanks for sharing!

Blogger said...

I have just installed iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.

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