Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

11/05/2008

YES WE CAN!

Posted by Gwen |

Just a couple thought bubbles from yesterday:


1. HOLY CRAP!!!!! WE GOT IT RIGHT! WE DID IT! (Maybe now Katrocket and Poobomber will stop threatening us.)


2. On top of getting to choose the next leader of the free world yesterday, I got to choose between a paper and electronic ballot. I went old school. You should have seen me bent over my paper studiously coloring those circles. I was so careful; I think I even had the tip of my tongue sticking out while I was coloring!


3. In Missouri we were asked to vote on whether or not English should be the official language of Missouri. I voted no; it seems like a prelude to the Final Solution to me. It passed by almost 90%. Stupid haters.


4. Every year after I vote I say I’m going to volunteer for the next election. Remind me of this in 2011.


5. When I was done voting I wasn’t offered an “I VOTED!” sticker so I went back and pestered the polling alley staff. I told them that it was the best part of voting. They laughed at me.


6. I inadvertently created a new phrase this week - “polling alley” - and I’m sticking with it because I think it’s funny. Feel free to help me get this one off the ground by peppering it into your watercooler conversations today.


7. When I voted in the primary this spring I went after work. I arrived at the polling alley with only 10 minutes to spare. I really had to pee when I got there but I was afraid to go before I got in line because I just knew they'd close and I'd miss my chance to vote and I'd be stuck in the bathroom all night. It was rough and I danced the "I gotta pee shuffle" through the whole process. This story is known throughout my office. Yesterday a coworker sent me an email from her husband - one of his coworkers shit his pants in line at the polling alley because he didn't want to lose his place. He wins.


8. And since I can’t bitch about this enough to suit Suze of
Suzel’s Sass, I swear to God and all that is supposedly holy that Daylight Saving Time has turned me into a 94 year old woman. Despite my best efforts I fall asleep at 8 pm and am wide awake at 5 am, every day. I was able to keep my eyes open until 10:30 last night because it was a delight to hear all the talking heads eviscerating the Republican campaign, but it was a struggle and I still woke up at 5 am today. I don’t care what the rest of you I-love-winter freakazoids say, Daylight Saving Time is harmful to my street cred and is stooopid.

28 comments:

Sass said...

I was handed a pen, and told by a 347 year old woman to use, "THIS PEN, and ONLY THIS pen." I so wanted to use my pen instead. But I didn't. The place reeked of baby powder and metamucil farts.

I could go stand up at my kitchen sink and say polling alley as much as you'd like, but I'm the only one to hear it. So I could be positive and say, "It's really taking off here!"

Daylight Saving Time has turned my children into demons. Little confused, angry demons, battering me with fists of rage when I make them come in at 5:00 because it's getting dark.

And...scene.

Mo said...

I know, what was up with that Engligh only nonsense? 90%, eh? Jesus. You and I must have been the only two voting against it, but all that aside...

OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!

Sorry, it just comes over me every six seconds or so.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

"polling alley"- heehee. How about stickers for the next election that say, "I voted a perfect game at the POLLING ALLEY"! It does have a ring to it. No?

Gwen said...

Candy: I LOVE IT!!! If I can focus long enough today I may make some!

Sass said...

Damn Daylight Savings Time.

I'm bowing to Candy right now. Do you realize I never, not even for a split second, thought...Hmm...polling alley. Like...bowling alley?

Seriously. I'm so dumb.

McGone said...

I had the old school scantron-esque ballot too, so I had a slight regression and filled in "C" for every answer. And I still passed!

Amy and Jeff said...

I also voted for paper. Screw the machine! Last time it ate my card and I wasn't taking any chances this time.

Dr Zibbs said...

I have tried not to show my politics but how can you not vote to make English the official language. Please ask if you can vote again. Thanks Gwen.

Stacie said...

Great post...here is how I will shove your polling alley into my work conversations today...

hey boss. shove that up your polling alley...

or, wouldn't you like to visit my polling alley?

Oh, wait, I wouldn't say the last one at work. really.

liberalmudhen said...

Ok, I voted for the English thing. The grumpy old man in me thought since my grandparents had to learn English to be part of America, blah, blah, blah. Si se puede!

I did vote against the casino thing though - letting poor people lose more money they don't have, terrific idea.

MelO said...

Okay, first of all... WOOHOOOO!! YES WE CAN!! ;)

Second. The paper ballot is the only way to go! I take a lot of time to fill in that circle all the way, and make the perfect circle! and I still got done quicker than anyone on an the eVote.

Third. The sticker is TOTALLY THE BEST PART of voting! Lol... I would have gone back too! I was over at a friends last night and she said her polling place RAN OUT of stickers! She was so disappointed too and was relieved to hear I thought it was "the best part" also.

I gave her my sticker.

Yeah, I'm that nice. (Besides I'd been wearing it since noon anyway) :)

Whiskeymarie said...

Was there a space for a write-in candidate for the "language law"?
Might I suggest Mandarin Chinese?

I forget who coined the phrase "unwanted grandma" this past week in their blog when referring to the ladies at the polling place, but I took it to heart and was extra nice to them. I tried hugging one of them, but she kicked me in the shin with her orthopedic shoes. Bitch.

Poobomber said...

I'll have to find a new thing to pester you Americans about now.

How about that 'environment' thing, whatever that is?

#2 was pretty good though - almost makes me want to forget this whole war between Canada and the USA.

Del-V said...

I'm going to stick with saying “polling place.” I’m totally immature but It cracks me up, like hearing someone say “polling the electorate.”

That’s what she said!

H said...

HORSESHIT

Anonymous said...

How is it that "We" did it, I don't remember at any point you actually making any sort of stand.

2nd...Daylight savings time is OVER..

Amanda said...

I voted yes for the English thing, but I pretty much voted yes on everything.

My polling place has never once given me a sticker, but I never ask either

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Polling Alley! That's excellent. Where's my notebook? No, not that one, the one for puns...damn, I'll have to remember it.

LM said...

GOOD THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN. I feel like I just won the election myself. I'm glad at some point in the past you abandoned your republican stance. I still cannot forgive you for voting for Bush that one time, but since you voted for Obama this time I'll let bygones by bygones. The English as the official language thing is complete horseshit and goes against everything this election is supposed to stand for. Whatever. Missouri is so backwards that all the christian racists in rural MO voted for ALL of the white, democratic candidates for every big race EXCEPT for President. Also, you're being critical of Daylight Savings Time, but it's actually Standard Time that you hate. I was saying the same thing a few days ago until it was brought to my attention. It's an adjustment, you'll get used to it and back to a normal schedule soon I'm sure.

LYDIA said...

Gwen, I have always looked up to you. I wanted to be just like "THE cool girl" - But now that I know you voted against English being the official language of Missouri, I don't know where this leaves me...

I feel lost. Betrayed.

King of New York Hacks said...

I think we should all stop speaking and make sign language the official language. This will solve everything and let us flip each other the bird more frequently. YES WE CAN !

Giggle Pixie said...

I didn't get my "I Voted" sticker either, and they made me use an ugly black stick pen that looked like it had been through the garbage disposal. So I peed on the sidewalk right in front of their door when I left.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I was a little suprised that I was the only one proudly wearing my I voted sticker at work, yesterday. I gave it to my kid when he got home, and he wore it for the rest of the night. Holy crap, he is going to be old enough to vote in the next election... I'm going to go cry quietly in the corner, now.

words words words said...

I wish I'd known, Gwen! I'd have given you my "I Voted" sticker. I threw it out because it always makes me feel douchey.

Anonymous said...

I can do you all 1 better. They had pre-voting in Madison County on the IL side of the river, so when my dad & I voted last month we got "I Pre-Voted" stickers. Still have mine.

shane

Anonymous said...

So...making fun of people for the sake of comedy is OK (Indian - dot, not feathers, etc.). But, agreeing that English is/should be the primary language (NOT that other languages can't be spoken or that people who speak other languages are bad) is intolerant. And voting for the ammendment is hateful? Nazi? Wow.

Signed,
Meaningless

Scope said...

Chicago has a carp-load more politicians that I wouldn't mind if ya'll took off my hands while you're at it. And don't be confused, while I will be happy to be proven wrong, Obama IS a Chicago politician, and all that implies. I'm just taking the Missouri stand, "Show me."

Am I the only person who voted electronically? Regardless of how you do it, punching "No" for judicial retention takes forever.

Love "polling alley." Presidential elections and bowling both used frak'd up scoring methods.

And you all say Nazi like it's a bad thing. That's being intolerant of my German heritage. We prefer "Kraut".

pistols at dawn said...

If you were a true revolutionary, you'd blog in spanish.

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