Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

This post was originally published 11/03/08 but is still (mostly) relevant.
Don't forget to vote! Enjoy the game!

This election season has been unceasingly tedious. I've actually grown accustomed to being bombarded by it and thinking about it at all times. The theme changes - the candidates, voter registration, the debates, my love/hate relationship with Sarah Palin - you name it, I've considered it.

Today I thought about the voting process itself, things like what I should wear . . . should I take a raincoat since last time I got caught in the rain and had to pee . . . not that taking a raincoat would solve anything if I had to pee . . . should I go in the morning before work (vote, not pee) . . . should I go after work . . . yeah again vote, not pee . . . should I take a book in case the line is long . . . do they allow iPods?. . . I bet not.

This went on for a while and then my feeble mind wandered back to silly things like this image that someone sent me today, a Wal*Mart Bingo Card:



A card that rewards you for witnessing an artificial voicebox and puts the pleasure back into catching the scent of someone with unbearable body odor. (Clicking the image makes it bigger so you can see some of the other fine items you're to spot for the win.)

And then it came to me in a flash - like all my genius ideas do - why not marry the two ideas? The Wal*Mart Bingo card in polling alleys across the nation . . . it's the perfect voting accessory! All you have to do is print up your very own game card and you're all set for "good times in the votin' lines" over there at the [insert where you vote here].

I recommend you print it tonight (now) and put it over there on the table with your voter registration card. That way you won't forget to take it with you and get all mad when the line is long and you've got nothing to do but think about how you wish you'd done what I told you to do.

Also, take a pen.

I'd like to hear back about any egregious sightings. If anyone actually completes a row I might consider giving said person a prize of my choosing.

26 comments:

Poobomber said...

The German in me gets excited when the words "pee" and "rain" are in the same sentence together.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sweet. And you know my patriotic ass will be voting. Oh yeah.

Gwen said...

Hey? Can someone verify that clicking on the image makes it bigger? Thanks!

Oh - if it doesn't, how do I make it do that? Thanks!

Scope said...

Vote? You'd think if there was an election going on, they'd have mentioned it on TV.

As someone who works about 5 blocks from where Obama's (Coronation) Rally is going to be tomorrow night, I totally dread tomorrow.

And clicking the bingo card total works/

Fancy Schmancy said...

Yes, clicky = bigger totally works. Thanks for giving me something to do on my lunch break, besides, you know the actual Voting. They are predicting 90% of the population in CT will be voting tomorrow. We are living in historic times!

Renaissance Woman said...

Already voted...but I will be printing this for tomorrow. Will make me feel like a joiner!

Mo said...

"Entire family wearing NASCAR apparel."

Brilliant.

enc said...

Dang mail ballot! I'm already done, so this bingo card doesn't do bingo for me, but thanks anyway. It's a great idea!

Suze said...

We drove by our polling place this morning - in the rain - to see over 200 people already in line - before it even opened. Needless to say I went back home. I will go stand in line this afternoon with my bingo card. Of course now that I know a prize is involved, I'm getting my whole block to wear Dale Jr. t-shirts :)

P.S. Stop whining about voting Gwen. Honestly, I've never heard someone whine so much about the campaign.

Scope said...

Gwen,

Thanks for the Bingo card, but since I, like many here it sounds like, took advantage of early voting, and the city of Chicago will not allow the non-Union Wal-Mart in town because then people may have access to jobs and cheap plastic flamingos, I will have to hold on to it until next baseball season when the Cards are in town.

The folks from St. Louis need to put a serious smack-down on the downstate Illinois Cardinal fans. The hicks and hayseeds folks from Peoria, (where I grew up, Peoria was "the BIG CITY", so I know these people), totally fill that BINGO card and are mistakenly viewed as ambassadors from your fair city. While I know better, most don't. You need to make sure you properly represent the 314.

Giggle Pixie said...

I just got back from voting and I saw none of the things on the Bingo card (damn!). However, I DID see an older couple who brought their dog. Yes, their DOG. Not a seeing eye dog, just a dog who decided it would be cool to accompany his people to a polling place where there would be dozens of strangers to bark at. Which he did, throughout the couples' entire voting process.

People. Meh.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Hey,I already voted but I'm gonna take this over to the church. They're always looking for educational games for the kikds to play during religious education class. Thanks for the tip!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

oops-that would be kids

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Voter registration card? We don't need no stinking voter registration cards! That's unconstitutional!

Falwless said...

You obviously have no idea where I live. What do I win for a blackout card?

LM said...

I'm having trouble getting past your "love/hate relationship with Sarah Palin". What is there possibly to love there? Unless you love Satan. I can't wait to watch those two liars go down in flames tonight. But I will miss Tina Fey.

Gwen said...

LM: Satan is pretty strong comparison! I guess I thought it was obvious - I love that she's around so we can make fun of her.

H said...

I didn't have this for voting this morning but I WAS in Walmart last night and saw three of these. I usually tend to keep my head down and make a beeline for the item I need at Wallyword so as not to make eye contact with the crazies there...I am so afraid they might hypnotize me with their stares and next thing you know I am joining their gypsy caravan and selling moonshine out the back of the station wagon.

MelO said...

This is seriously the best idea since they allowed women to vote.

Your check is in the mail. If, for some strange reason, it doesn't get to you... you know who to blame.

;)

mike said...

Hang on, Melo, they let women VOTE now? Great. That's all this country needs.

Just kidding. I don't even vote.

LYDIA said...

Walmart is the one stop place for winning with this BINGO card. Or maybe a second hand store...

surviving myself said...

I wish I had that card with me this morning. I really don't know why I don't constantly check your blog every moment of my life.

Amanda said...

I completely understand your pee concerns. There's that certain bodily function that comes upon me about an hour after a cup of coffee and I was in line for an hour and a half after drinking one cup. BLEH! I persevered.

I wish I had seen the Bingo card yesterday! That surely would have kept us busy this morning. DAMN!

Dr Zibbs said...

Oh so this is the rest of the post.

Dr Zibbs said...

Oh so this is the rest of the post.

pegnandy said...

I wasn't in line long enough to check out most of the people there, however I did have to endure about 3 inches of ass crack of the guy 2 people in front of me to check in. He wasn't even squatting or leaning over, it was just there. I think I may have to stick a fork in my eyes to get rid of the image!

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