Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

It's 48 degrees here today and simply wonderful.  I've opened the doors and blinds to let the light shine in and am piddling around the house, cleaning a little here, blasting some new music (we'll get to that) there, and just generally entertaining the hell out of myself.  I've even "danced it out" a couple times.


While I was cleaning up the kitchen and making a pot of chili I noticed my buns had gotten moldy.  [Please, take the jokes.  Just don't say I never gave you anything, ingrate.]

So there I was, holding them over the garbage can, about to let go, when I asked myself whether or not there was another use for them and I thought of birds and wondered how long it would take them to notice if I threw this bread in the yard.  That was at one o'clock.  So far, no action.

The bread was out there maybe ten minutes when I started to wonder if they weren't noticing because it was in the snow.  You know, like they couldn't smell it or something?  So I threw another bun on the sidewalk, out of the snow.

So yeah.  I am now running two different experiments as I clean house:

1.  How long will it take birds to notice bread in the snow?
2.  Will they notice the bread on the sidewalk first?

I'll update when there is news.

While we wait for the results of my vurrry scientific experiments, check out the new music I got today.  Apparently my hip-hop phase is back.

TI and Rihanna, Live Your Life
Kanye West, Love Lockdown and Heartless (I will not apologize.  Yes, he's a tool but I like the songs.  Shut it.)
Britany Spears, Womanizer
P!nk, Sober
Katy Perry, Hot N Cold
Beyonce, Single Ladies
MIA, Paper Planes

2:12 PM:  Still no action.  Stupid birds.  I can hear them tweeting away at the front of the house but zero action in the back. [I'm lobbing softballs today, monkeys.]

2:28 PM:  I've got birds!  I can't get a picture because every time I walk up to the back door they fly away so you're just going to have to trust me.  It took them an hour and 28 minutes.  Not bad, I suppose.  

I didn't see the first one arrive and they've eaten off pieces in both places so I still have no idea if placement matters.  Science is fun!

Alright, I'm outta here.  I have to go make sure my Hello Kitty pajamas are clean for Beth's birthday party.  I was going to try to replicate this but I can't find any funny unders in my closet.

15 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

You should arrange the bread into the shape of a giant seed or a giant worm.

Hope you're enjoying your warm up day.

Whiskeymarie said...

I put dried-out bread in the yard for the rabbits and squirrels, which I'm sure my neighbors LOVE me for. And yes, I obsessively watch to see if they eat it right away- I take it personally if they don't, like my bread isn't good enough for them or something. Bastards.

Its 34 here today and I am so happy I ran outside naked, shouting "Spring is here! Spring is here!" with a flower tucked in my buttcheeks. I just felt it was necessary, given our weather as of late.

My poor neighbors.

Scope said...

Call me AJAX, because I've been cleaning like a white tornado around here, too. The condition of my house and my mood are linked. Improve one, and the other one magically gets better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL_KjaGDs9I

Whiskeymarie said...

You DON'T own Elmo unders?

Sometimes I think I don't even know you...

Felisa said...

Why didn't I think of throwing moldy bread out the window when we had snow? I'm no match for your scientific mind.

Ha. I love Kanye West despite his gargantuan ego. And I also secretly love it when Womanizer is on the radio... it makes me want to drive my car with my feet like her in the video.

Bella@That damn expat said...

I've got better uses for moldy bread:
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/000373.php

You'll thank me later.

mike said...

I have a bird feeder that really only feeds the squirrels. Maybe it wasnt a bird who walked off with the bread at first.

Gwen said...

Bella: LMAO! I had forgotten about "Don't Eat That Steve!" and this one was perfect! A friend of mine used to brew wine in his tub. It was awful stuff but funny.

Fancy Schmancy said...

We're in the mid 40's today, it's god's way of melting some of the stuff before she dumps on us again. We have a Nor'Easter headed our way for Tuesday. What a fucking tease...

Giggle Pixie said...

I love those days when I just go crazy and clean the house top to bottom. Feels so good when everything is shiny and clean, plus I feel great from shaking my ass all day while I worked.

Good times.

Suze said...

I put blueberries out for the birds one time and watched for several hours. They never ate the berries. I shot the birds and ate them. Someone was going to eat something that day!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

the nice thing is, since the bread is moldy, you'll help kill off any bacterial infections they might have.

Let's hear it for staph-free birds! Hooray!

Alice said...

Oh my God Gwen...there is no need for mold bread at my house....my father in law feeds the birds and other woodland creatures on a daily basis...if anyone wants to hunt they can come to my house

~E said...

I think maybe the reason it took so long for them to come is they had to fly from Mexico to get to you.

Birds like to winter it out on the beach too.

Former Fat Chick said...

I haave the SAME playlist...only mine has Thechnology ""ayeo" song by 50 cent...my kids flee the house from embarrasment when I blast it and dance around!

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