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1/14/2009

Spam is funny!

Posted by Gwen |

Isn't it?  Both kinds.  Both kinds of Spam are funny.  But all I have today is email spam.  Sorry.  I supply the funny, you supply the potted meats.  It's just how I roll.

Anyway, I recently went "All Google, All The Time" and when I was cleaning out my yahoo inbox I found a treaure trove of subject lines:

  • Hello Sir/Madam... Partnership Request - Well, they say that variety is the spice of life.  Although I don't do business, funny or otherwise, with anyone who doesn't know or can't tell which I am.

  • Earn Money Without Constant Effort - Do you have anything that requires no effort?  Because I'm all about no effort.

  • Free Tacos for America - Take that, rest of the world!  (Ooooh!  Conspiracy theory!  I bet this one came from George Dubya, who's trying to butter us up before he leaves office so we won't talk as bad about him when he's gone.)

  • Do not say it, I will get insulted - You're going to have to learn to take it if you plan to stick around here.

  • It is worth investing in the size of your head - Dangit!  I got a small head!

  • Restructure your body optimally for sex - Um, what exactly are you planning to move and to where?  Because I WILL NOT go through life with my vagine (pronounced "vah-zheen") on my forehead.  I will do and say a lot of things, but that is too far.

  • Your internet access is going to get suspended - Huh.  This might not have been spam.

  • Remember me? I have godly news for you. - I do!  But honestly, I thought you were dead.  I'll be damned.  You're alive.  Will miracles never cease?

  • One new message. annex lambs - Why just the lambs?  Won't they be s-a-a-a-a-d in the outbuilding without their moms?  (Man, I crack me up.)
And now?  The funniest Spam there is:

25 comments:

Spud Mack said...

You should write back to the "Restructure your body optimally for sex" people and note that you have already taken the wall-eye option......I assume that is what they are offering.

Whiskeymarie said...

I don't care who's sponsoring it- I am all for free tacos for america. Hell yeah!

Wait...they didn't mean something dirty, did they? I'm confused.

McGone said...

Along these same lines, I just discovered that when you don't post anything on your blog for over a week, the really creative spam vultures show up.

pistols at dawn said...

I lost my ability to focus on anything else after the free tacos.

words words words said...

I'm getting phone spam. The last three nights, I've had 7 messages on my answering machine that didn't say anything. Nobody EVER calls my home phone. I either have a stalker or Best Buy finally realized they didn't charge me for that CD.

BeckEye said...

I'd wear my vagine on my head. Getting undressed for sex is such a hassle.

words words words said...

Wow, Beck. Then you could wear your panties on your head for reasons other than being hammered!

That damn expat said...

Now I'll be envisioning hordes of women walking around with their vaginas on their foreheads.

Thanks, Gwen.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I never get Free Taco Spam ... CRAP!!!

- Jennifer

enc said...

You bet better spam than I do! Mine is all for pfishing scams. BORing!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You could be onto something about the tacos. Anyone who has watched Robot Chicken knows that G. Dubs usually finishes with "Tacos Rule!"

Giggle Pixie said...

I would comment but I need to get busy investing in the size of my head. Toodles!

surviving myself said...

I'm with Whiskey - free tacos! And I'm fine if they meant that dirty or clean.

Gwen said...

Wordsx3: Sorry. That was me. I call thinking I will just say hi and then when I hear your voice on the machine I get all nervous and hang up.

Beckeye: Hahahaha! You make a good point!

Stacie said...

shut up!!! the video??? spamalicious!

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

My spam is not nearly so exciting. Maybe I should look at more porn online.

Dr Zibbs said...

That gives me an idea. Spam tacos.

moooooog35 said...

I usually go to bad areas of the city and pay $15 to get vagine on my forehead.

Yours sounds like a better offer.

mike said...

The free taco one was real... I actually picked mine up during the World Series. Too bad it wasnt a Spam taco.

Falwless said...

I actually received some spam the other week with the subject line: Sick of all the outrageous boat fees?

Awesome.

O.G. said...

That's a classic. so now to the point...where can I get some free tacos?

Doc said...

I always thought that potted meat meant the they got the cow drunk and stoned before they made him into a paste. What the hell have I been eating?

You know it's a damn funny post when you can work in tacos, vagine, and godly news all into one article.

Doc

Renaissance Woman said...

Free tacos...got my attention.

WendyB said...

I desperately want a taco.

katrocket said...

Do you think you could get me on that free taco mailing list?

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