Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


Max (grey tabby): This new chair that giant hairless cat got us is purrrr-fect. Now you won't sit so close to me. You know your ass stinks, right?


Skylar (tuxedo): I know, right?! What was that? Did you hear that?

Max: What was what, you moron?

Skylar: That! I saw it! What was it?

Max: With the way you keep yourself clean, it was probably a flea jumping off of you. Now, if you think you can focus, let's get back to this chair. Wouldn't you agree that the 25 monies she gave for it was money better spent than the hundreds she's spent on the toys we pretend to like but kick under the TV when she's not looking?

Skylar: A what? A TV? What's a TV?

Max: The color box, you nitwit. I might even venture to say that it was money better spent than that funny green flaky stuff she gives us that makes me see things.

Skylar: RUFKM?! Nuh-uh! Do you think there is any? Where is it? Where is it? I love that stuff. Makes me feel like I still have my balls. Can I have some? Will you get it? Huh? Huh? (runs off to circle the dining room table at 100 mph)

Max: Dude, you're weird. (licks ass)

20 comments:

Whiskeymarie said...

I'm convinced that Pooter and Trouble have more intelligent conversations than most people I know, myself included. I like to think that they discuss philosophy and quantum physics.

Oh, and how to kill the dog.

Some Guy said...

Haha! I wish there was stuff that made ME feel like I still had my balls.

SkylersDad said...

My two dogs have conversations that are a lot like "Hey! Hey! Hey! Another person walking by! Hey! Want to walk me? Hey! Hey!" Except their Hey is a bark, it gets a tad old being a home worker...

And Some Guy, that stuff is called Cialis, but it only works if you own matching bathtubs outdoors overlooking some canyon.

Soda and Candy said...

I love your cats. Their convos are smarter than my dogs' for sure, which are very much as SkyDad describes.

C.B. Jones said...

*Wants to know the brand name for that green flaky stuff that makes cats hyaluronate*

BeckEye said...

You know who really likes cats? Kim Jong Il.

Cora said...

Your pussy is pretty, Gwen.

words...words...words... said...

I knew you were an amazing woman...but you have TWO pussies? Now you're just showing off.

J.J. in L.A. said...

We loved giving our cat the green stuff! We'd watch and laugh at her having a mushroom trip.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Any chance you could come over and interpret my cats' conversations as to why they let the dog stick her nose up their asses and chew on their ears for a good 90 seconds before they turn around and swat at her? Cause you seem to be gifted at this sort of thing.

Char said...

Brawhahaha, you got some very funny catz.

Nanodance said...

That was funny! You know, I was just thinking this very thought yesterday- I even Twittered it-- Everyone wants a talking cat, until they get one.

I can't imagine having two.

Imnotbenny said...

Giant hairless cat- I freaking loved that!

mo.stoneskin said...

You got to hear all that using a Babel fish right?

Soda and Candy said...

Aaaaaand now I love Mo even more for making a Hitchhiker reference.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Nothing funnier than a couple of kittys all hopped up on crack.

Anonymous said...

Leah would spread eagle on that chair and sleep for hours! Les

The Peach Tart said...

I think my cats need to meet your cats.

Organic Meatbag said...

These cats are downright sassy...sassy, I say! Oh, the neutering jokes never get old, do they, you hairless catwoman?

Cowguy said...

It's so embarrassing to get caught ending a conversation like Max... but it happens.

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