Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

1. It's Saturday morning and you have many errands and chores to attend to over the course of the weekend. You:

A. Write a list on some funny stationery that will make you giggle every time you look at it.
B. Write a list in haiku.
C. Smoke a bowl and set out in your car for the first place you need to shop and hope you remember everything.

2. Something interesting or odd or ridiculous happens in the world and is reported in the news. You:
A. Laugh silently to yourself and move on.
B. Write a clever blog post about it that makes beverages fly out of the noses of the majority of your readers.
C. Shake your head in wonder at the state of the world.

3. Are you an international media mogul in your own mind?
A. No.
B. Yes.

4. You like helping people be more self-aware. You:
A. Gently lead them down the path to enlightenment over a beer.
B. Create Cosmo-esque quizzes that they can take on their own time to help them find the answer.
C. Tell them bluntly who they are and hope they stop crying before the next round arrives.

5. Are you the greatest in the world at pulling out wedgies?
A. No.
B. Yes.

6. On occasion you'd like to write your blog using a different voice. You:
A. Start an entirely new blog so that you don't lose your current readers who may not respond well to a different perspective.
B. Promote an intern from your imaginary staff to weekly columnist.
C. Do nothing and mope about it.

7. You like to watch people clamor for attention. You:
A. Dare them to run naked through the quad after 10 beer bongs.
B. Create end-of-the-year blogging awards and host a lavish ceremonial party.
C. Create a "So You Think You Can Blog" reality show.

If you answered B to any of these questions, you are Grant Miller.


Cowguy said...

Gwen? I checked ALL of the boxes.

It said I'm Pauly Shore.

This sucks.... *goes to hang himself*

BeckEye said...

If I was Grant Miller, I'd never leave the house!

Organic Meatbag said...

It just came back and told me I am Abe Vigoda... this fills me with a sense of pride...

Whiskeymarie said...

My results say that my name is Gwen and I am not only able to communicate with cats, but that my nipples are oddly fascinating.

Did I do the quiz wrong?

Grant Miller said...

OMG! It said I'm Vermont!

SkylersDad said...

I have to run my results back through the computer again. I just got a main bus bar overload error.

Anonymous said...

I'd never seen his blog before- awesomesauce- totally funny stuff!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

This post was funny, ironic and titillating--Am I right folks?

Please don't sue me, Grant.

LegalMist said...

It's Monday and you want to mention a blog you like. You:
A. Add your target's link to your sidebar and forget to mention it in your blog.
B. Write a hilariously funny quiz with links to hilariously funny blog entries written by your target.
C. Give your target an award, along with writing a little summary of what makes the blog so special.

If you answered "B," you are the awesomeness that is Gwen.

Dr Zibbs said...

I still insist that Grant Miller is a machine.

Girl Interrupted said...

I'm Grant Miller? :( Well now I'm just confused! I thought I was Spartacus!

Ps: He sounds cool, I'll go check him out

mo.stoneskin said...

Girl Interrupted couldn't have been Spartacus, or Grant Miller. Actually, Grant Miller IS Spartacus.

Fancy Schmancy said...

You're a funny girl, which is cool, cause Grant Miller is a funny guy!

katrocket said...

If I was Grant Miller, I'm not sure I would be able to stop touching myself.

This was an awesome post!

BeckEye said...

^That's what I meant, Kat. Although the way I worded my comment, I suppose some people could think that I was likening Grant Miller to the Elephant Man or something.

Gwen said...

^I just heard someone yell, "I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!" from really far away. It almost sounded like it came from underground or maybe even the beyond. Weird.

Evil Genius said...

You have just undone all the years of therapy I endured to convince myself that I am NOT Grant Miller. Thanks.