Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


It was suggested this week that during my most recent month-long blog hiatus I was "
just gathering material that she'll release in a torrent of posts." I wish I could say that was the case, but it just isn't. I can't lie to you, Internet, you're my most trusted friend. No, I've just been eating M&M's by the hands full, plucking my eyebrows every time I go pee and watching movies, which, while quite enjoyable for me, isn't worthy of reporting.

But! Some Guy's Retrospective reminded me that there is love in blogging so I vowed last night to come here and write down everything that makes me laugh really hard until I can find my groove again. Even if it's just to recite email content.

Ready? Here's today's funniest moment:


A friend was telling me about something he did in the past that was (still is) very illegal. Yes, there are levels of illegal. I break a multitide of laws every day, but they're little ones - as far as you know. His was major. (That's what she said.)


Anyway, he described his actions as "Apollo illegal." Now, I had no freaking clue what "Apollo illegal" meant so I asked:

What is "Apollo illegal"? Is that something that is SOOOOO illegal that when you do it Apollo Creed shows up and punches you in the head? Because that would deter me. I have a vague memory of you telling me this story before. I must've been Apollo drunk. (That's when you're so drunk that Apollo Creed shows up and punches you in the head.)

I was laughing so hard at myself while I typed that paragraph that I had tears in my eyes, and not the fake blog-comment kind. REAL TEARS, people.

He replied - something cryptic about spellcheck - so I assume he didn't mean to say "Apollo illegal", but he didn't tell me what he meant to say. That's a mystery I don't need to solve, but I have decided I'll be using "Apollo" as an adjective that means fucking business from now on.

20 comments:

Scope said...

As long as it's not "Action Jackson" illegal. 'Cuz that's even worse.

MJenks said...

Whereas, Aphrodite Illegal is really, really, really naughty.

MJenks said...

And Artemis Illegal just means that you've been watching nekkid chicks bathing in the forest again.

Oh dear.

Eva Gallant said...

A little illegal?

SkylersDad said...

Apollo Illegal sounds like extra bad news, delivered with a roundhouse!

And please fill us in on all of these things that you do that are illegal, because you know, we are your most trusted friends and all.

Whiskeymarie said...

I did something Nash Pluto illegal once, but if I told you about it I'd have to kill you.

Library girl said...

Is that like Mr T illegal? Where he shows up and throws a snickers bar at you and tells you to 'get some nuts'? 'Cause that would be good.

BugginWord said...

Being all Apollo is even better than smurfing!

-R- said...

This is Apollo funny.

What the hell could he have been typing that turned into Apollo???

Some Guy said...

I'm happy to have provided you with a little creative nudge. Isn't cracking yourself up great?

Gwen said...

You people are Apollo nosy! If you must know, the laws I break are inconsequential and harmless, like jaywalking, speeding, serial murder and bestiality. Sheesh. Like you're such upstanding citizens.

Johnson said...

I think Apollo should only be used as an adjective for activities related to Apollo; e.g. He was Apollo flamboyant, he got Apollo killed in the ring, etc.

I like to use a similar strategy to describe how drunk I'm going to get; e.g. tomorrow I will only get Charlie Sheen drunk because last weekend I got Andy Dick wasted and did something that was borderline Roman Polanski illegal.

hello haha narf said...

ok, i call bullshit because i MUST know what he meant to say!
and i am so using apollo illegal this weekend on my adventure to kentucky for the toga party. no one will have a clue what i am talking about, but i'm curious to see if they will inquire what apollo illegal is...

hello haha narf said...

which reminds me...you should so come to the party in lexington this saturday night. has great potential for apollo debauchery.

otherworldlyone said...

Made me snicker. I might have to steal it for myself.

words...words...words... said...

We can add that to the dictionary right along with Mike Tyson Crazy.

Also, my new goal is to be funny enough to make you post about me. ;)

Chaka said...

I like the sound of "Apollo" and will have to start using that. By coincidence, I just finished watching Arrested Development again and Carl Weathers is awesome in it.

LegalMist said...

Spell check? That's an Appollo lame excuse!

Cora said...

Many eons ago, I worked in a snack bar where the owner used to get drunk and throw things and yell at us. Not fun.

To get revenge, we all used to steal as many candy bars as we could stuff in our purses after work.

That's Kirstie Alley illegal.

florida mango said...

I often laugh at my own jokes. Others think I'm crazy, but I just tell them it's a side effect of being an only child...

Subscribe