Everything I Like Causes Cancer

When I first opened my eyes yesterday morning my neck hurt. Assuming I'd simply slept funny, I lifted my head off the pillow and WHAM! Instant pain that felt like some brawny dude had very precisely whacked me at the base of my skull on the left with a big stick. It was swollen and HURT when I touched it. (And no, I did not get drunk and fall down and bang my head and not remember it, but thanks for thinking so highly of me.)

I took a naproxen and moved forward with my life: showering, raking leaves, cutting the grass, doing laundry, brining a pork roast . . . all the stuff normal people do on Sunday, right? But, at the end of the day it hurt much worse. I took another naproxen and iced it but eventually just went to bed, figuring it would resolve itself overnight. Notsomuch.

Today it's bigger, generally more painful and increasingly tender to the touch. AND! There's a huge swollen gland on my neck now and the pain is moving into my shoulder.

I'm pretty sure I'll be dead by dark. I loved you, all of you.