Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

Apparently somebody has grown tired of reading our shitty blogs.  I suspect I'm one since he has stopped commenting here with any regularity so I hope to push him past his ability to stand it with this post which chronicles the last two days of my life in mostly boring pictures - you know, the ones I took when I was out living my life, not blogging it.


On Wednesday I walked in the back door after a long day at work to find a favorite pitcher of mine in pieces on the kitchen floor:

"Jesuschristgoddamnfuckingcats!"

Then I went out and drank my body weight in Irish cider:


I woke up the next day with a super fun, totally dehydrated, need a banana bag type hangover but sweated it out cleaning up the yard.  I smelled awesome when I was done, like day-old beer, cigarettes, unrestful sleep, and sweat.  You totally would have made out with me.

I took the day off work to trim my bush.

The next couple pictures are for Son of A Thomas, my gardening soulmate.  Dude, here's what's blooming so far, hyacinths and daffodils:

I cut one hyacinth - ONE - and took it to work Monday.  My office, and the general area around me, still smells divine.  If you don't have any of these, please, put some in next fall.  You will love them.

This is the lilac tree I keep telling you about that I planted last year.  It made through the winter!  Yay!  As soon as it blooms it will also smell amazing.  I like to take cuttings of the most fragrant things in my garden and give them to the little kids next door to take to their mom.  I bet your little ones would get a real kick out of this, too.

I couldn't help myself in Lowe's and had to have these:


Oh!  I also cut off half of my hair:


This is what it looks like now.


This is what it looks like from the back.  


(Is that Zibbs character gone yet?  I was sure he'd be gone by now.  I mean, there were some of these I was going to show you anyway, but really?  The back of my new hairc. . . zzzzz.  Alright, this next couple should do the trick.)

Here's the map of Minnesota delineated regionally by Hotdish that Whiskeymarie sent me for my birthday last year.  I just wanted her to know that she won't see it in my house because I hung it in my office where I can see it every day.


And here's a bunny I found in my yard while I was working.  To the left of the bunny, really tiny and bright green, is the bleeding heart I planted last year.  It's tiny in this picture because it's the kind of plant that dies completely back every fall.

And here's an empty pitcher and the remains of the yummy blue margaritas we had at dinner tonight:

I think I just heard the back door slam.  Mission accomplished, bitches.  Don't forget - Whiskeymarie will be here in two days.  TWO DAYS.  I just peed a little.

Wow.  You guys really don't go in for ferret stories, do ya?  My last post has now been up for over 12 hours and only received 11 comments and I lost two followers today.  While I think you're all washed up with regard to your stance on ferrets, I have noted your lack of interest and will refrain from telling any more in the future.  As if I even had another one up my sleeve.  Shuh.

Anyway, a while back I asked Stacie of Stacie's Madness to assign me a letter of the alphabet for a meme.  Like, so long ago the meme is now passe, yesterday, last week, and a rule change was in order.  Hold onto your hats, monkeys, these new rules are revolutionary.  They are insane.  They are going to set the Internet on its ear.  You've never seen anything like this before in the history of ever.  It's crazy talk, but here goes: 

Instead of posting a list of seven things I like that start with S . . . I'm posting a list of songs I like that start with S.

(I was just kidding with all that build-up stuff, BTW.)

I was surprised to find there are 233 songs in my library that start with S, and there are A LOT of them I like, but I tried to pick the ones that stood out, the ones I could hear without them playing.

There are the songs that make me move, from the first note:

Shut Up and Let Me Go, The Ting Tings  (recommended by My Pal Zibbs of That Blue Yak)
Santeria, Sublime
Sabotage, The Beastie Boys
Secret Squirrel, Marcy Playground (lead singer = cutie patootie)
Say What!, Stevie Ray Vaughn (this video has great footage of his hands at work)
Smile, Lily Allen
Space Lord, Monster Magnet
Soweto '76-'06, Joy Denalane (couldn't find a video but this audio clip thingie is pretty damn cool)


And the songs that move me, from the first note:

Send In The Clowns, Barbara Streisand  (Shut it, I luh-huh-huv this song.)
Somebody, Depeche Mode
Soul Kitchen, The Doors
Suddenly I See, KT Tunstall
Stone Free, Jimi Hendrix

And songs that  you never want to hear played in my car because I WILL sing along, loud and off-key:

Sanctify Yourself, Simple Minds
Single, Natasha Beddingfield (GIRL POWER!)
Steady As She Goes, The Raconteurs
Space Age Love Song, A Flock of Seagulls
Soul Food, Leela James (I dare you not to move your ass to this one.  Triple dog dare.)
She's Not There, The Zombies

What's your favorite song that starts with "S"?  Why do you love it so much?

1/07/2009

BERFDAY!!!!!

Posted by Gwen |

Today is my best blog pal Dr. Zibbs' birthday. I'm assuming he's like 100 or something. No reason, I just figure he's old and stuff.

This is just about the time that Zibbsy will realize I'm a shitty friend who expects a grandiose celebration of her own birthday but forgets about everyone else's until the very last minute.

H and I were out tonight and in an attempt to come up with something great I asked her to shoot my very first ever video post for him.  I have to admit, through no fault of hers, it kind of sucks but what else can you do at the last minute?


Dude, you know I love you. I hope your day is awesome. In an attempt to redeem myself for the craptastic birthday post in your honor, I give you this:

Remember way back at Halloween when you were talking about Rocky Horror and I promised to dig up a picture of myself from when some friends and I went in costume? Well, I found it right away but never posted it because I had forgotten what a crotch shot it is, but it's your birthday so enjoy, my friend.  You're tops in my book.

Whew. That title's a doozie, much like the man who drafted it, Dr. Zibbs, who challenged me today to find a crappy gift to add to a stockpile he's building for sick people. His theory is that good things are wasted on sick people, who will, "just cough on it anyway or something" and who, in my own opinion, can't appreciate nice things because of their weakened conditions.


Being the laziest of the lucky few touched by the good Doctor to do his charity work, I peeked at what the other participants found. What? I wanted to make sure I didn't duplicate ideas. Sheesh. I already had mine, I just wanted to make sure it hadn't been done.

THE RULES, as stated by Zibbs:

1) Pick a crappy gift for the That Blue Yak Crappy Gifts For Sick People Stockpile and post it on your site.

2) Pick 5 bloggers that you think might want to open their hearts and pick a crappy gift.


4) And if you really want to get into heaven, write, "I POSTED A CRAPPY GIFT" in the comments section of this post so we can see the crappy gifts you picked.

I thought about this a lot today because it was more fun than concentrating on work. I sorted through the old, dusty corners of my brain searching for the suckiest gifts I ever received. I had one grandma who gave me a nightgown every year, which was nice, except they always had cheap lace at the neck and really tight elastic bands at the wrists. They were itchy and demonic, but certainly not crappy enough for the TBY Stockpile.

And then I found it - one year my grandpa gave all the men in my family a gift that was talked about and admired and coveted until, come spring, it proved to be the biggest, most frustrating piece of shit I've ever seen:


Oh, yes, bow to me. It was flimsy, the line always knotted up and got stuck; the only purpose this thing served was to teach me how to cuss and we all know how that fucking turned out, don't we?

I looked all over these vacuum tubes for a picture of one. I found one photo, in sev-er-al places, but it showed the new, sleek, black Popeil Pocket Fisherman and I really wanted to have a picture of the one that was solid plastic and the color of a manila envelope. My tenacity eventually paid off and I found the old commercial. Can you believe this thing even came with bait?!


I tag: McGone, Whiskeymarie, Fancy Schmancy, Suze, H. I cannot wait to see what these monkeys add to the stockpile.

Scope sent me a link last night on Facebook but I didn't see it until this morning.  Once viewed, I knew it was the perfect way to introduce the holiday season here at EILCC.


Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!
Thanks, man! This was the perfect accompaniment to my Saturday morning coffee.  I just wish it hadn't come out my nose.

11/21/2008

For The Love of McGone

Posted by Gwen |

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It is 11:55 pm.  I am sitting here browsing around, seeing what's out there this year in Christmas stationery.  I decide to search for "christmas letterhead."  I get to "christmas letter" and look what pops up.  I swear this was happenstance.  For this he gets his own EILCC tag.

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