Everything I Like Causes Cancer: That's what she said

10/08/2010

I really want to show you the big hole in my alley.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: That's what she said

A couple months ago I sent a tweet to my city government advising them of an increasingly large sinkhole in the alley behind my house. They replied, advising that a work ticket had been made with the street department who had until August 20 to respond. August 20th came and went without any action. I lost faith in twitter.

About a week later I noticed action had been taken: the street department had placed a flashing-light barricade over the sinkhole. I giggled. Whatever.

This morning, however, I was awakened at the ass-crack of dawn by a jackhammer and I cursed. Really bad words. Ugly stuff.

As I write this, a team of 3-4 guys is using a backhoe to dig a ginormous hole where the sinkhole used to be. Like, so big that they have a dump truck back there to hold all the dirt they're hauling out and I just saw a guy go down in the hole and his whole body disappeared. I can only suppose that they are trying to find, or get to, the cause of the sinking so they can fix it. I really want to go out there to take a picture of the big hole in my alley, but I'm still in my pajamas (no bra) and I've got pink hair dye in my bangs. And bad breath. (I work from home twice a week, shut it.)

Anyway, I plan to run out there to get a picture if the workmen ever walk away from the hole. Stay tuned! It's possible we'll be able to see Chinese people.

UPDATE:

Eventually - 45 minutes later, to be exact - I had to get the hair dye out of my bangs so I took a shower (and brushed my teeth) (but did not put on a bra - it's FRIDAY, people) and ventured out to the hole. There are still two guys out there so I had to stay inside the fence and couldn't get the shot I wanted, but this will give you an idea of the depth of the hole in my alley:

There is a man standing down in there that you can't see because he is waaaaay down in there. Plus, he didn't want to be in the picture and I was honor-bound to oblige him. I credit the lack of a bra for the photo-op they did allow. Free Boob Fridays (but no China-men) for all my friends!

comments (55)

4/16/2010

Weiner! Weiner! Sausage dinner!

Posted by Gwen | Labels: Hillshire Farms, MEAT, Poop and Boogies, That's what she said

You may think that the one thing a single gal needs most is a gay bestie with brawny arms who loves to help with house chores (especially the heavy ones), enjoys ~~critiquing~~ improving her style and will hold her hand during movies but you'd be wrong. I've come here today to assert that the one thing a single gal needs most is a year's worth of free sausage. You heard me. A YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE!

And who's the lucky gal who has two thumbs and recently won a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE HILLSHIRE FARMS SAUSAGE? (You can't see me but I've got my two thumbs raised and proudly pointed at myself.) ME! I DID!

(The actual coupons I received do not say "DO NOT REPRODUCE" on them. I was just afraid some stinker would try to print a copy from here and effectively ruin it for everyone. To anyone who considered this I say, "You should also not reproduce.")

(Dear FCC:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle this. I know that I'm supposed to disclose when a company pays me to endorse their product but do you consider a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE! to be payment? I don't know. Anyway, the lovely people at Hillshire Farms have not paid me in cash monies to say they are awesome but I am going to say they are awesome anyway. You've been warned.

Yours until I run out of sausages,

Gwen)

The lovely people at Hillshire Farms are awesome! They're as awesome as Bill over at Poop and Boogies who ran the blog contest with prizes made of meat. I've linked to Bill before when one or another of his three boys has been a door bell (aka "adorable" for those of you who don't speak Gwen). One of them (the middle one?) even made me care about baseball once. Bill, anyone who offers meat as a blog contest prize CANNOT be evil. I'm just sayin'. Baby, you're the best.

Big hugs and tiny kisses to everyone responsible for supplying this single gal with a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGES! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some meat to consume. Go meat!

comments (15)

4/03/2010

Cowguy isn't the only one who can make sawdust.

Posted by Gwen | Labels: He can keep the cowpies, That's what she said, The Garden 2010

A couple Saturdays ago I left the house after lunch, headed for Lowe's with little more than a vague notion of how to build an indoor greenhouse. All I knew was that I was going to use the old dining room table, that I wanted to hang lights from the cross beams in the basement and that I wanted the lights to hang on chains so I could raise them as the plants grew. Being acutely aware of my (lack of) construction experience, I made sure to dress cute and fix my hair and makeup in case I had to ask for help. I really shouldn't have bothered; it would seem I'm as smart as I am cute. See for yourselves.

I took these items (discovered while shopping) and a handful of power tools . . .

. . . and made these:

I had to measure things . . .

I had to drill things . . .

I screwed things . . .

I mounted things . . .

And then I screwed things on the ceiling . . .

And then it was time to lay down some serious seed:

In all I planted about 800 seeds in over 200 peat pots that had to be rehydrated, opened, aerated and planted by hand - by tiny, tiny hand . . .

Let me tell ya, monkeys, this was TEDIOUS work and took hours (the construction part was much more fun). I spent so much time in the basement that day, I felt like a C.H.U.D. when I finally emerged (after dark). In the end, I'm glad I spent the time to plant in these pots because the seedlings can go straight into the ground without having to be repotted. Besides, the backache was forgotten when I woke up the other day to this: