Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


Lazy Lee's Resort 2007 - Day 1

Posted by Gwen |

Pattie came by the house about 10. She and I picked up Becky about 11. By noon we had Tammy and all of our stuff in the in the car and we were on the road!

We weren't too far down Highway 44 when we had our first taste of the Bucket of Love. Settle down - we had a designated driver.

We spent the next four hours making fun of stupid billboards and other drivers. Mostly, though, we made fun of each other. The road trip hilarity included:

  • "I put the 44 Smackdown on 'em!" Trust me, you don't want to push Tammy far enough to get one.
  • "We had a Bucket of Love when we left but now we've got a bucket of you-pissed-me-off and I'm-going-to-smack-the-shit-out-of-you." Pattie said it. She's mean.
  • "If I'm not eating a meal where afterward I need soap to get the butter off my face, I'm going home." We had heard a nasty, vile rumor that Starvin' Marvins was closed. It was a lie.
  • "How much is that in Celcius?" The answer was always 2. We said this one A LOT. Who am I kidding? We repeated all of these, and more, ad nauseum but still laughed really hard every time.
  • "The Seatbelt Nazi" - Let's just say that Becky was serious about backseat passengers wearing their seatbelts. She also preferred the title "Safety Girl."
Once we got there it took about five minutes to unpack the car and coolers, settle into the cabins, open a beer, and discuss dinner. We decided on The Bearded Clam, the place we discovered last year driving back from dinner one night. As soon as we saw the name we knew we had to check it out.

But last year we didn't eat there. I know we didn't because there's no way in hell any one of us would have forgotten this menu. It featured many lovely dishes including calm strips, gucamole, and calamri.

Seriously, the typos on this thing were excrutiating. For the love of God, they couldn't even get the name of the place right:

I was tempted to call PETA. It seemed obvious that management was using illegal monkey labor. But then I remembered I didn't care.

Anyhoo, a quick stop at our favorite convenience store, The Mule Stomp (not it's real name - we don't know it's real name - we don't even ever call it the same thing twice), had us on our way back to Lee's and some strenuous porch sitting. While we were out on the porch we learned that Granite City is the Center of the Universe. I know! Who knew?

Stay tuned for Day 2 which includes a cat fight, the outlet mall, and my near-death.


howmidugan said...
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