Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

On Tuesday a friend emailed me this story about one of her co-workers:

I have to tell you about M: she just found out that she's pregnant - and you know her kind, desperate for a baby, no self-esteem. She's been telling EVERYONE, and seriously, she's only like 4-5 weeks along. Not a smart move to be 41 and announcing your pregnancy before you're through your first trimester. She has already put down a deposit on a day care center and she's been going around on all these crying jags. She had a 4-hour crying jag yesterday because she's freaked out about driving to Columbia for a meeting next week because she's afraid to drive out of town. One of our other co-workers told her she should go home and take a hot bath and calm down and she said she wasn't sure she should because she had to be careful about the temperature of the bath water.

I'm staying as far away from her as possible.

Now, here's what I know about M . . . a few years ago she was so DESPERATE to be married that she ended up marrying some chauvinist slob. And now she's making another one of him and being a complete freak about it. The rest of the emailing went like this:

Me: You know this is only going to get worse, right? You should start a blog to document the "M and Baby Freak Show" over the next nine months.

Friend: Man, that would be awesome, but seriously, I'd have to actually spend time with her to get the material. And I'm not willing to make that sacrifice. Even for comedy.

Me: Understood and agreed.

Friend: Notice that it didn't give me any qualms about how mean it would be to start a blog to tell ridiculous stories about someone behind their back. Nope. THAT doesn't bother me. It bothers me that I'd have to spend time with the person to GET the stories. I'm going to hell.

Later in the day the same friend emailed and asked me if I had seen a particular column written by one of the columnists for our local paper, Bob Rybarczyk. The column she referenced ran on November 27, 2007 and told the story of how one of his step-daughters accidentally puked in his mouth. The column was called, "Here's the single most disgusting thing to ever happen, ever." If you've got the stomach for it, I recommend you read it. It's funny stuff.

Anyway . . . I immediately thought of "M and the Baby Freak Show" and replied, "You should send this to M with a note that says, "Here's what you've wanted so badly. Congrats!"

6 comments:

amy & jeff said...

I read that column and the puking in the mouth IS funny especially since it wasn't my mouth.

The babylady should go ahead and get herself a large bubble to live in for the next 8 months. yeesh

MOM said...

Where is kindness and friendship? Her hormones are playing a part in her behavior. Is this truly you or just another story dredged up?

LM said...

Although I don't doubt that listening to the coworker drone on about her baby talk is annoying, it sounds like it should've been expected. I'm sure before the pregnancy, she went on and on about the man she finally bagged. Then the constant wedding talk followed. People like this are predictable. At least she's only a coworker. You can avoid coworkers for the most part. It is definitely risky at her age to be telling everyone in sight so early on, but that's on her so I wouldn't even worry about it. Ultra-paranoid first time mothers are nothing unusual. Her age probably adds to that. I have heard a few stories from expectant mothers much crazier than hot bath water. Like the person I know who lived in Fenton and called the Chrysler plant to yell at them about the unidentified pollutants they were spewing into the air that were going to harm her unborn baby. I think she asked for a list of toxins. My advice? This friend should suck it up and put on a nice face as the coworker blabs about it, while silently daydreaming about anything else more interesting. The coworker sounds anxious, so maybe she talks about it a lot because doing so eases her anxiety. She should look at it this way, she's helping a gal out just by (pretending to) listening.

amy & jeff said...

I would like to second the comment from LM.

PM said...

Oh blah, blah, blah...sometimes people are irritating and need to be made fun of. Besides...better to do it behind her back then tell her to go to hell in her face. Give your friend my phone # Gwen, there are all kinds of people at my work that bug me!!!

howmidugan said...

Man, your friend sounds like a grade-A asshat. I think she and I could be best friends. Can I have her phone number?

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