Everything I Like Causes Cancer

In compliance with yesterday's tagging by Schmutzie, here's a list of six ways in which I am quirky:

1. My shower routine never, ever varies. Every day it's the same order: wash hair, rinse hair, wash face, put conditioner in hair, wash body (any necessary shaving having happens here while I am lathered up), rinse conditioner out of hair, get out of shower, dry off, hang towel, clean ears, put on deodorant, brush teeth, lotion face and entire body, put in contacts, dry hair, style hair, astringent face, apply makeup, get dressed, accessorize. On weekend days that I don't plan to leave the house, the routine ends after "put in contacts." My rigidity comforts me.

2. I won boobs in a radio contest in 1998. A station out of Florida runs a contest every year right before Christmas and the prize is a boob job. Well, back then at least - now they give away several pair a year. Anyway, to enter you had to submit a written explanation of why you deserved to win. I wrote a Top Ten list of reasons . . . Tired of being president of the itty bitty titty committee . . . The ever-increasing cost of the Miracle Bra . . . I live in Missouri so when people say, "Nice rack!" I'll know they're talking about my tits and not my truck (think guns) . . . Brains AND boobs? Think of the implications! . . . Less is more, more than a mouthful is a waste, and if you believed this shit, you wouldn't be giving away boobs . . . etc. The list was as crass as it was funny, but I wanted to win. I am still very pleased with my decision.

3. I hate sharing a bed. I love pillow talk and cuddling, but when I am about to drop off into la-la land? I want you to get the hell away from me and don't come back. When I find myself in any situation that requires sharing a bed, it's almost guaranteed that I won't sleep. I can't stand the other person's breathing and noises and touching. I made an awesome wife.

4. I'm so spoiled by Tivo that I won't watch anything that isn't recorded. And if there isn't anything recorded? I will pause a "real-time" show for 15-30 minutes in order to make lee-way for fast-forwarding through the commercials.

5. I hate to sort clean silverware after it has been washed, so I sort it as I load the dishwasher, i.e., all the knives go in one slot, all the forks go in another, all the spoons . . . you get the idea. It's only because I'm lazy and I know I won't unload the dishwasher if I don't.

6. I like for my iced beverages to be chock full of ice cubes.

So that's it. All the things that make me peculiar. Or at least all of them that I am willing to share with you today.