Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

This post was originally written Tuesday night, but I held it pending Blog Share. I'm taking down the list of Blog Share participants this evening so be sure to go read them today if you haven't already. There are some really well written secrets out there that you shouldn't miss!

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For a time now I've been dealing with some stressful things in both my personal and professional life. I had a close friend die unexpectedly, I am so far behind at work I can't see straight, I've resumed dating, and just some other stuff that, collectively, has me wound up. And fortunately for me, I carry all my stress in my colon.

Don't get me wrong, I am great in a crisis. I stay fairly cool and do whatever needs done. But when it's all over and calm has been restored? You'll find me in the bathroom, for a week.

Needless to say, lately I've not been as regular as I probably should be. I've been volleying extremes of diarrhea and constipation for a little over a week now. I tried Immodium but its only solution was to shut down the entire factory for days. I was not well most of the day yesterday and woke up bloated again today. I know you want to make out with me right about now but hold up, that desire will pass in about 25 words.

Before I went up to take a shower this morning I sat at this very desk, drinking coffee and paying bills. It was a nice, productive morning . . . until I farted and accidentally shit in my pajamas. Yup, you heard me. I shit myself before I'd even been up an hour. You can't top that.

4 comments:

amy & jeff said...

That is some funny shit. Literally and figuratively. Oh lord, Gwen, I feel for ya. I think we can all say we've let a nugget go unexpectedly before so you're in good company.

Most Prepossessing said...

You are so brave to post that. It's happened to us all.

howmidugan said...

That reminds me of my favorite poem:

Here I sit, all broken-hearted
Tried to shit, but only farted.
When outside, I took a chance
Went to fart, and shit my pants!

Yay!

Allie said...

Oh, you are so brave! :)

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