Everything I Like Causes Cancer

I've been laid up with the stomach flu for the past couple days. It started early Tuesday morning. I woke up all clammy and uncomfortable. I thought it was just humid so I turned on the ceiling fan. An hour later I woke up soaked in sweat and freezing. I turned the fan off.

Blah, blah, blah. Yada, yada.

I'm certain you're all familiar with the natural progression of a stomach flu so I won't get graphic about where it went from here.

I've slept a lot the past few days but during the times I've actually been conscious, miserable but conscious, I wrote a song about my flu bug, to the tune of Roberta Flack's Killing Me Softly.

Enjoy.

Cursing My Bowels

Cursing my bowels with the skitters,
Making me nause' with his words
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague

I heard he was a good grippe
I heard he had a chill
And so I reached out for him and then I touched my eye
And there he was this young flu
A fever to my brain

Cursing my bowels with the skitters,
Making me nause' with his words
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague

I felt all flushed with fever
Embarrassed by my smell
I felt him start mutating and feared for my small life
I prayed that he would finish
But he just kept right on

Cursing my bowels with the skitters,
Making me nause' with his words
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague

He changed as if he knew how
To become resistant
And then he moved right through me as if he did not care
And while he kept on moving,
I made antibodies

Cursing my bowels with the skitters,
Making me nause' with his words
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague

(Substitute moans and groans for the ooh la-las)

Cursing my bowels with the skitters,
Making me nause' with his words
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague

He was cursing my bowels
Yeah he was making me nause’
Killing me softly with his plague
Killing me softly with his plague
Making my head ache with his words
Killing me softly
With his plague