Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


20 Questions - The Finale

Posted by Gwen |

Guess I got a little off track with the answering of the reader questions, didn't I? Wasn't it originally my plan to answer two of the total 12 questions every day leading up to the blog-o-versary on July 7? Yeah? Well, at least it lasted three days. I think that's a stick-to-the-announced-plan record for me. Sweet.

So, here we are, the last round of questions before I have to start coming up with things to talk about on my own again. These last three aren't last for any particular reason but I will admit that I kept pushing Whiskeymarie's questions to the back of the line because I wasn't ready to answer the first one. I'm still not sure I am, but I've crafted an answer that responds to the question without unnecessarily smashing my head against the huge emotional wall that precludes me from dating successfully. Don't be alarmed, my issues with dating are average to the point of boring, but I don't have them sorted out enough to discuss them intelligently here. Someday. Maybe.

Here goes nothing:

Any boys in your life right now, in the "romantic" sense? (and by "romantic" I also count drunken make-outs, FYI)

Not right now, although I have dated a couple guys over the past year that I never talked about here. One was a couple years younger than me, a Navy man; another, a couple years older than me, a self-employed hippy nicknamed Daddy.

I never talked about the sailor because I gave him the address to this website the night we met (rookie mistake) and he became a regular reader. We had a protracted relationship because I hadn't yet learned to trust my instincts and move them along when they're not right for me. Lesson learned? Check!

I never talked about Daddy because I really liked him. He knew I had a blog and was interested in it, we even brainstormed over dinner one night for the story I wrote to win MTC #7. (The idea and words were all mine, scout's honor.) By then, however, I had realized that this website is a public diary and wouldn't give up the addy. Not that it would have mattered much if I had given it to him, Daddy was borderline anti-TV/computer. He once spent an hour looking for locations and show times for I'm Not There, using a newspaper. I was incredulous but loved that he didn't mind losing that hour to find the movie that I wanted to see.

Daddy was chivalrous without being clumsy, he brought thoughtful, beautiful, handmade gifts, he always picked just the right thing to do on our dates, he made me laugh, and I was comfortable with him. You may not have noticed, but I am fairly controlling and it was nice to trust someone's judgment enough that I could let go and enjoy the ride. Sadly, right after I got home from Cabo he went to Kentucky for construction work and I haven’t heard from him since. Such is life. Maybe I'll get him back come winter.

A couple weekends ago I met a young entertainer who bears a striking resemblance to Lenny Kravitz during the sexy dreadlocked years. He was interested and asked for my number, only he did it through his little sister. Uh-huh, you heard me, through his little sister. I sent her back to him with a note that said, "Do you like me? Check yes or no." Now, before you get all mad and call me a smart-ass bitch, I also sent my number back on the same note. He checked yes, but hasn't called and I'm totally cool with it. Not sure someone who uses his sister as dating conduit has enough chutzpah for me.

But I’ll be sure to dish the scoop on anyone new, assuming I don't drunkenly brag about my website, like him, or scare him away before there's a story to tell. Go me!

Also, are you naturally that tan?

Ah, no. I started tanning in March, preparing for a week in the sun in Cabo. Then I spent a week in the sun in Cabo. And then I forgot to freeze my tanning account by the first of the month deadline, so I've been using it once every couple weeks just so I'm not wasting my money. Lazy and cheap, my personal Catch-22.

And, coffee or tea?

Both. I have one cup of coffee every morning. I use a lot of sugar and cream because I like my coffee like I like my women, tan and sweet.

That said, being raised on the northern border of The South I know how to make a batch of homemade sweet tea that will quench any thirst and make you moan. Should I add that to my dating resume?

Oh, and- have you ever picked your nose so ferociously that it hurt?

One word: nosebleeds. Or is that two words? Whatever, you get the bloody idea.

One more thing: Have you ever sneezed and farted at the same time?

Of course. It surprises me every time. I also sometimes fart on every step as I go upstairs for bed. It's hard to fall asleep when you've got the death giggles.

Fart is such a great word, innocently naughty and yet still hilarious. My great-grandma Sarah giggled every time someone said it, and she had 10 kids.

This next question is from -R-, author of And You Know What Else and inventor of Blog Share.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink?

From the sheer number of party pictures that get posted here one might assume that my drinking is wanton. Not so. I am a surprisingly picky drinker. I like:

  • Jack and Coke
  • Bacardi Limon and lemonade
  • Cider beers, like Woodchuck, K, Strongbow
  • Riesling, or other sweet white wines

As you can see, I'm a fan of sugar. Just this summer I invented a new drink I've named The Gwentini. It’s Bacardi Limon and pomegranate lemonade. It's delicious! And has antioxidants!

And here we are, at the end of the questions. Putting the issue of my unders to bed, my good and in-real-life friend Heathybear asks,

Really? No underwear unless with a skirt?

Really. No underwear unless with a skirt. When I do wear underwear I wear Hanes' barely there brand. I like them because they stay where they’re supposed to and they are seamless and tagless.


McGone said...

A.) Did you have to call him "Daddy?" and B.) Are you sure the other guy wasn't actually Lenny Kravitz? Because I could totally see Lenny Kravitz picking up chicks that way.

Whiskeymarie said...

Aw, shucks. I thought you had forgotten me...

I LOVE the barely there unders. Try stretching the boyshorts over your head sometime when you're drunk. It's funny- or so I've heard.

Renaissance Woman said...

I have never tried the Barely There brand...but I might have to try. Actually...I like the idea of no underwear unless wearing a skirt.

Dating...I get it and totally understand the issues. It's a loss for stupid "daddy" he should have called.

And I'm on my way to get the ingredients for your martini! Sounds great.

liberalmudhen said...

Man, 1 hour wasted finding "I'm Not There" and another 2.5 wasted watching it.

St. Zimmy owes you time back in heaven.

Did you ever refer to Daddy as Big Poppa just to change things up?

I love it when you call me big pop-pa
Throw your hands in the air, if youse a true player.
I love it when you call me big pop-pa

Moe Wanchuk said...

Don't you at least have a booty call?....I mean, somebody should be enjoying those tan lines.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

I'm sorry that I missed this 20 questions feature!

My favorite undie is being phased out - it's the Bali Modern Brief - it's soft cotton love. I may have to check out the barely there.

BTW I do the opposite - always undies unless I'm wearing a skirt. Shocking.

hello haha narf said...

i am salivating over the thought of your sweet tea. love that stuff. it is difficult to get here in pittsburgh.

thanks for the barely there tip. i'm not salivating over them, although i am a big fan of wearing undies so i will have to check them out.

how about i am kinda sad to see this question thing end. ya done good...they were fun.

p.s. i don't think i could date someone named daddy. just couldn't do it. yet i love that you could.

Gwen said...

McGone: I did not have to call him Daddy and would have refused a first date if I had. You make a good point, maybe he really was Lenny and I missed a celeb opportunity. Poo.

Whiskeymarie: I could never forget you, love.

Ren Woman: Maybe not so much a loss, I enjoyed him but didn't see a real future.

Mudhen: You commented! YAY! I totally agree about the I'm Not There, it was not good.

Moe: A lady doesn't reveal all of her secrets.

Lady: You're back! Suh-weet! I added a "20 Questions" category so you could catch up.

Hello: I'm kinda sad to see the questions end, too. I'll do it again someday.