Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

Oh thank God, they’re gone. I can finally unbutton my pants and breathe. Those Blog Share people are really nice and funny, I like them a lot and I love it when we get together, but they are really messy. A couple of them were still weepy from the other posts when they got here and then left tissues all over the place. I also found a flip flop in the sidebar, so if anyone is missing a shoe you should email me at the lost and found. Can you believe I even found a couple candy wrappers in the "By Location" tab on my site meter, two whole clicks away? (Mouse clicks, not the Vietnam kind.)

Some of them were kinda touchy, too. I wrote a persuasive essay in which I posited that I am an aggressive narcissistic sociopath. So what? What’s the big deal?

Alright, I’ll grant them that it wasn’t very politically correct. I could even accept it if they said it wasn’t funny, even though it was high-larious. But no, this wasn’t their beef. They were deeply concerned that I showed no remorse or guilt for the actions I cited as proof of my personality disorder.


Um, gals? It really wouldn’t have been funny anymore if I had gone on to described how I sobbed like a little girl when I got arrested (both times) or how I didn’t leave the house for three days after I got bailed out of the hoosgow because I was so ashamed. I was going for funny and that right there sucks all of the fun out of my dysfunctional. But I appreciate your concern for my mental health and the safety of my loved ones.

I'm even impressed that you picked up on my need for attention and validation. I own it, I do need a lot of attention and validation. But don't you have a blog, too?*

* I generally refuse to make assumptions about people, preferring facts to typecasting, but I find myself forced since you commented anonymously.


Dr Zibbs said...

(wearing big ole' Pope Hat and holding sceptor): "I hearby validate you Gwen.

LM said...

Sounds like an interesting topic you had there. As you know, blogs are not my thing so there was no way I was going to read through that list of participants. I didn't even read the one on your blog, since it wasn't you (or so I assumed). The comments must've been interesting too, if you willingly broke your own anonymity to rebutt. If you were that quick to do so, your topic wasn't top secret enough!

RW said...

I am sorrowfully - nay - woefully ignorant about what Blog Shares is. Is it a mechanism for promoting your blog? In which case never mind - I'm an intentional recluse.

Lara said...

Ah! That was you! I personally thought it was hilarious.

Gwen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gwen said...

Dr. Zibbs: Thank you! And I like your hat.

LM: The anonymity meant nothing to me this time around. I was just going for funny. And if any of you were to ask nicely, I'd likely reprint it here.

RW: Hey! Thanks for stopping by. Blog Share's primary raison d'etre is to give bloggers a place to write under the cover of anonymity, to tell stories they'd never tell on their own blogs.

Lara: Thanks! I love your site and put it in my feed reader.

Whiskeymarie said...

I'm clueless- which one was yours?

Gwen said...

Whiskeymarie: Are you asking me to repost it here? Cuz I've kind of been waiting all day for someone to ask so I can do it without looking like a self-involved tool.

Whiskeymarie said...

Yes. I do believe I am, sweet cheeks.
Please? For me?
Or just link to it. Or pass me a note in gym class. Whatever.

pistols at dawn said...

All that time inside's hardened you and made you difficult to reach emotionally.

Moe Wanchuk said...

I'm with whiskey..where the h*ll is it?

You seem to forget that we're the only ones who really understand you.

Gwen said...

WM: I thought you'd never ask.

Pistols: Is that why we're friends?

Moe: Did you know you're the sweetest Moe I know?

Renaissance Woman said...

Good point...well said!

Heathybear said...

Was that Matthew McConaughey's flip flop you found? I heard there was a reward?


Umm what was this post about?