Everything I Like Causes Cancer

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8/29/2008

Berfday!

Posted by Gwen |

I really intended the post below to be my last until next Tuesday. I thought I wanted to take a break. But then I read that today is Michael Jackson's 50th birthday.

To honor the Prince of Pop, I went all out. Ok, I went over here and stole all these jokes. Not many are funny but the number of them is. Enjoy.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson dangle his baby over a balcony?
A. Because he overheard his wife asking someone to drop the children off a few stories.

Q. How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
A. From a catalogue.

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
A: It's called "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing”.

Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Detroit Tigers have in common?
A: They both wear one glove for no apparent reason.

Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
A: He heard boys' pants were half-off!

Q. What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
A. Michael Jackson has had more noses.

Q. When is it bed time at Michael Jackson’s house?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand!

Q. What do Michael Jackson and a jockey have in common?
A. They both ride three year olds.

Q. What's the worst stain to try and remove from a little boy's underpants?
A. Michael Jackson's makeup.

Q. Why does Michael Jackson disappear for a couple hours after one of his little friends leaves?
A. It takes that long to get the bubble gum off his dick.

Q. What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. I believe you’re in my son.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries.

Q. What does Michael Jackson consider a perfect 10?
A. Two 5 year olds.
(I've always heard this one as, "What does Michael Jackson like best about 26 year-olds? There are 20 of them.)

Q. Why did Michael Jackson decide to have a boy of his own?
A. Because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 million a pop!

Q: What's icky and in a baby's diaper?
A: Michael Jackson's hand!

Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
A: His other hand!

Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
A: Throw him a buoy!

Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
A: They're both 44 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

Q: How do you neuter Michael Jackson?
A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song!

Q: What's black on the inside, white on the outside, and comes in little cans?
A: Michael Jackson!

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor?
A. One got burnt doing Pepsi, the other got burnt doing coke.

Q: What was the foundation that Michael Jackson and Richard Pryor started?
A: The Ignited Negro College Fund!

Q: Why did Pepsi fire Michael Jackson?
A: Because he was caught sucking on a Squirt!!

Q. What does Michael Jackson reminisce about?
A. Blowing his first nose.

Q. Who is the greatest person ever?
A. Michael Jackson - he was born a poor black boy in Gary, Indiana and grew up to become a rich white woman in Europe.

Q. What did Elvis say after seeing Michael and Lisa Marie on television?
A. "Boy, that's a relief. I though she married a black guy!"

Q. What did Lisa-Marie Presley say to Michael Jackson when he proposed?
A. "Yes, I'll marry you. But promise me one thing -- no kids!"

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley?
A. About two dress sizes.

Q. What was Michael Jackson thinking on his wedding night?
A. "Now Lisa-Marie can give me a little boy of my own."

Q. What were Lisa-Marie's newlywed complaints about Michael Jackson?
A1. He leaves the lid off the mascara, causing it to dry out.
A2. That battle axe Liz Taylor never calls before she comes over.
A3. She suspects he's using her to get to Elvis' bones.
A4. He touches her kids more than he touches her.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. He saw someone blowing bubbles and thought he'd join in.

Q. Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?
A. He thought it was a delivery service.

Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
A: Because they aren't his!

Q. How did Michael Jackson get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.

Q. Why does Michael Jackson like children so much?
A. He knows how they feel.

Q. What did Michael Jackson say when he got back to Neverland Ranch from drug rehab?
A. You know, I feel like a new boy!

Q. How do we know Michael Jackson is guilty?
A. Several children have fingered him.

Q. Where does Michael Jackson go to find a date?
A. Boys 'R Us.

Q. Why is Michael Jackson so tough?
A. He can lick any kid on the block.

Knock Knock!Who's There?
Little boy blue!
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!

Michael Jackson was on a ship with 100 cub scouts when it hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, "We're sinking! Everyone abandon ship!" Michael Jackson asked, "What about the children?" The captain replied, "Screw the children!" Michael Jackson looked around eagerly and said, "Do we have time?"

A little boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God a male or a female?"
After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both a male and a female."
This confuses the little boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
"Well, God is both black and white."
At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is Michael Jackson God?"

Michael Jackson asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex. The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13.

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest.

Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? People get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.

9 comments:

pistols at dawn said...

Wow. That is more attention than the King of Pop has merited in years. I'm sure he's happy just to be thought of.

hello haha narf said...

someone forwareded me the photo they did of what he "should" have looked like at 50. wow.

i will admit that i laughed out loud at:
Knock Knock!Who's There?
Little boy blue!
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!

Falwless said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Oh dear. I haven't heard a ton of those.

I especially loved:

Q. How do you know Michael Jackson is having a party?
A. There are a bunch of tricycles in front of his house.

Dr Zibbs said...

OK. I get all of these but on other blogs about his b-day they're showing pics of a little black kid with a fro. Am I missing something?

Avitable said...

Hah!

Jon said...

Haha.. very comprehensive list!

My favorite is the "20 6-year-olds" one. Funny stuff.

redstaplernation said...

Totally late commenting but you will forgive me since I just read this. You WILL forgive me.

What do you get when you ask Michael Jackson and Elton John to sing a duet?

"Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"

*snort*

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