Everything I Like Causes Cancer

I had so, so, so much fun in Chicago. Like many of you, however, I thought I'd be in areas more urban than they actually turned out to be. That said, my expectations were based in pure speculation as I had never been as far north and west as I was. I wasn't expecting downtown or anything, I knew I was going to be in the suburbs, but everything was much more rural than I was expecting . . . and it was perfect. I needed to get away from it all and could not have asked for more perfect settings.

I went up to visit friends from college, people I have known for 15-20 years. I didn't attend college at the same time they did, as I am much younger, but I was introduced to them during various Homecoming weekends while I was still in school. For a long time Homecoming was the only time we got together. Many of them have come down here for one Mardi Gras or another, but it wasn't until last Homecoming that we decided to make the effort to plan other group events.

Laughlin picked me up at the airport on Friday at about 11:30 and we headed for his house. Laughlin is the guy you know who is a great storyteller but yet also knows every joke under the sun. His wife is a relatively new friend of mine, a woman I adore and admire. She and I have different shells but we're the same snail inside. Their kids, a boy, 15, and a girl, 11, are both bright and funny, polite and engaging. I really enjoyed both of them and am happy to finally know them.

The Biloz' joined us Friday night for the dinner that Laughlin and I spent all afternoon buying and preparing. I never knew that he liked or was interested in food and cooking but it became evident shortly after we started discussing the menu. He and I and his daughter, who I'm going to call Hannah after her favorite pop star, duh, went to the store while his wife took a shower. We were passed in the entrance to the store by a woman who said hi only to Hannah. I was surprised by his amused response until he explained that the woman who said hi is the town busybody, a regular Mrs. Kravitz, if you will, and he was certain that rumors of his apparent infidelity would soon be flying around the community. We immediately decided to mess with her and stayed very cosy throughout the store. Hannah would put her arms around me and ask me questions about produce every time we saw Kravitz.

When we got back out to the car I realized I forgot to get the lemonade so I went back into the store. Laughlin told me later that Kravitz was loading her groceries into her car when I walked away and that Hannah hollered, "Hey! Where's mom going? I hope she comes back soon because I'm hungry!" The kid is awesome. I'm still waiting to hear if the rumor mill has picked up the story yet.

He and I worked in perfect tandem all afternoon whipping up dinner. I made a caribbean-style ceviche and played sous chef to his superior talents. Everyone spent happy hour watching us work together and commenting making fun of us. He got mad at me for suggesting that we were like Rachel Ray and Mario Battale because he wanted to be Bobby Flay. Nerd. Everyone knows you want to be Paula Deen when you're playing kitchen. She gets to eat butter.

After dinner, we laughed over two boxes of old pictures and eventually wandered over to his neighbors' house. Laughlin had been excited all day about going to the bonfire at his neighbors'. He kept telling me that we were going to burn a Christmas tree and he was downright giddy about it, which I thought was odd. I just thought it meant that his neighbor was environmentally conscious and re-purposes Christmas trees as firewood. Ok. Cool. That's a nice thing. But nothing to get into a lather over, right?

I clearly had no idea what it meant at all. Have you ever seen this amazing phenomenon? Did you know about this? Because I did not. I had never heard of it and yet everyone I've asked about it since I got home has very casually said, "Oh yeah, that? We've always done that."

Well, I am here to tell you blase folks, you have never seen it done like Laughlin's neighbor does it, an inventive man who bears a striking resemblance to Todd O'Connor. In fact, let's call him Todd for the sake of ease. You see, look closely at that picture up there. Note how Todd made a frame for his trees. Note how his trees stand upright over the fire. They don't lay on their sides like a wounded camel, they stand and burn proud. Like this: