Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

To a work friend at lunch:  Can you put the tip in?


To our law clerk, who was removing a bunch of office junk - boxes of old files, cabinets, everyone's cast-off crap - from behind my office, in reply to his query, 
"Why does everyone dump their stuff back here?":  People like to shove things in my hole.

To work friends at lunch:  We should find another person who likes to do it with us.

To people who irritated me by hesitating too long coming out of the elevator at the office:  Well?  Are you getting off?

While struggling with a ball point pen:  The peezer part won't come out all the way.

I feel like I should recalibrate my filter, but management says I'm good for morale.

17 comments:

Alexa said...

hmmmm, looks like something is on your brain.

Moe Wanchuk said...

We have lights that ring on our phones at work. One shows up as "BONE" and every time it rings, someone yells...."Someone Jump on the BONE!"

hello haha narf said...

best friend's husband, getting up to retrieve another glass of wine for her. and what do i say, "ohh! oh! do me, too!!"

now we say that to anyone who is going to fetch us alcohol. the hot little bartender did a triple take the other day when we said it at the same time. hehe

hello haha narf said...

p.s. i frikken loved this post. thanks!

Dr Zibbs said...

Gwen, TWSS - That's what she said. I've been meaning to write a post about this subject and a specific incident. I'm going to put it in on my list now. I'll dedicate it to you.

Renaissance Woman said...

Soooo funny! Thanks for the laugh.

pistols at dawn said...

I say those things, too! Just the other day, our attractive secretary said, "I'm having trouble fitting all this mail into this tight space," and I said, "I would like to have intercourse with you repeatedly."

Wait, that was advertent. Is that a word? Probably not.

Anonymous said...

In my office, the former receptionist sat about 25 feet over my right shoulder.

One day she was on the phone talking to her mother-in-law about baby bottle care.

Most of the conversation went this way:

Her: Well of course the nipples are hard. (pause) They have to be firm or they are usless. (pause) Just squeeze them a bit and they might get softer.

She hung up the phone, to a snickering me and said ...."What???"

Stacie said...

love when stuff like that happens, makes me giggle for the rest of the day!

abbersnail said...

You are insanely awesome. Seriously. (You also make me feel a little more normal. Stuff like this happens all the time to me!)

Falwless said...

hahahahahaha

Brilliant. God you make me laugh.

Falwless said...

P.S. The picture for this post makes it twelve times funnier. Great find.

Mo said...

Heheh. I still remember the time my friend was trying to give me an orange wedge while I was busy typing at my computer. To avoid getting orange smadge all over my keyboard she said, "This is really sticky. Do you want me to just put it in your mouth?" At which point one of my roommates popped his head in with a hopeful expression.

H said...

Me too. Just today. On my blog.

http://itsalwaysdarkestbeforeiopenmyeyes.blogspot.com/2008/09/hey-feds.html

H said...

then again...maybe it's not so bad. nevermind. :-)

Le Meems said...

You are Hilarious

katrocket said...

Those were awesome - when I worked in an office, I often used to say "I need a bigger box."

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