Heeeeey! What up? Sorry I've been neglectful of EILCC this week but I have been busier than a cat covering shit in a community sandbox. Doing what, you ask? Well . . .
- Serving Jury Duty: I didn't witness anything worth reporting, which is sad. I was really hoping for some good blog material but my fellow jurors were disappointingly normal. Oh! There was one guy who had a rat-tail – you know, the one patch of hair that is left long like a pony-tail at the nape of the neck? Yeah. Except that this one was coming out of the MIDDLE of the back of his head. And his hair was naturally curly so it looked more like the hind end of a hog than a rat-tail. It was weird and I couldn't stop staring at it. It was all I could do not to cut it off with the fingernail clippers I had in my purse. I also got in trouble for talking in the courtroom when session was over but that’s only because the bailiff, a creepy ginger*, took himself much too seriously. Douchebag. Maybe Candy will have better luck Monday.
- Having my back adjusted with a regularity that surpasses my bowel movements: My back is better. I'm walking, which is a plus, but I am still sore and hurty. The doc says I won’t be back to pre-injury status for a couple more weeks. I feel bad because since I announced my demise people are popping up all over Blogaritaville complaining about hurting their backs, too. Listen people, I know I’m wicked cool and a trendsetter but you do not have to do everything I do; if I jump off a cliff, please don’t follow me.
- Getting my clothes ready for a trip to Italy: Sadly, I will not be joining them. My friend Kell's Bells and her husband are spending 10 days in Italy and while I wasn’t invited, my clothes were. She came over one night this week and raided my closet for shifty little skirts and easy-breezy sundresses for her trip. I couldn't be prouder that she’s going to be wearing a dress of mine when she gets kicked out of the Vatican for showing her tits to the Pope. (This is her idea, not mine, mind you. I warned her to be careful since she’s the only Catholic traveling with her husband’s Jewish family.)
- Assembling a spectacular outfit for the Kentucky Derby: Again, not really going to the Derby, but rather a First Annual Party being thrown by some friends. I spent a nice chunk of time this week at my favorite store getting fashion advice from two over-60 Asian men. I have to hand it to them, they did a spectacular job of putting me together and got it exactly right. “Rady, Derby kick-off spring! Need color, no brack. White. You get white hat. That one. You get. Rook good, rady. Pitty rady.” God rove ‘em, they were right and my entire ensemble is now perfect. Any excuse to get dolled up, wear a big hat, and drink is aces in my book. Word on the street is that the menu will include hot browns, cucumber sandwiches, mint juleps, and bread pudding. Don’t you worry your pretty little heads, monkeys, I’ll take lots of pictures.
- Attending the first in what will be a summer full of 40th birthday parties: My friend J-Grrrl’s husband threw a really nice party for her in a private room at a new micro-brewery in town. Our friend Giga decided it would be a good idea to do a headstand in J-Grrrl's honor and I've decided that headstands are something that should be performed at every 40th birthday party from here on out. With mine right around the corner, you should start practicing at home now.
* Apologies to all my ginger readers. I generally like red hair but this one was creepy, like Carrot Top.