Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


Texts from Last Night

Posted by Gwen |

Inspired by my last post I think y'all went out of your way to send me material last night.  These are the texts that started arriving on my phone about 1 am and continued arriving until about 4:

  • So u r on a dating website and u get a message from a pirate.  Then u hear about gal pirate on another site.  Do u hook them up with the goal that btween them they could have 20/20 Vision if it was opposite eyes and they stood next to each other?
  • I needs assistance in how to best service the tranny quadriplegic        will the bea arthur routine be appropriate or is it too soon
  • Guys wearing camo r why i dance w my eyes closed
  • Im proud to be your weird text! :-)
I slept through all of these coming in so didn't reply last night.  Assuming you're still interested in my advice on these important matters when you finally wake up today . . . yes, I would hook up the pirates (hook? nice!) . . . and while I don't quite know what you mean by "service the tranny", I would have performed Bea Arthur for him.  It's never too soon at EILCC and she'd have been honored, I'm sure.  I hope you made good choices on your own and can't wait to hear from you - you know who you are - to get the back stories.


Scope said...

- I PARROT your advice on the pirates. (You know how those guy pirates are always looking for some booty.)

- I assume a quadripligic's tranny has something with the gear rations on their wheelchairs.

- Guys going commando is why I don't dance.

SkylersDad said...

What did the Pirate say on Wheel of Fortune?

I'd like to buy an Eyyyye.

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week...

Scope said...

I thought he lost his turn because he'd already guessed "Arrrrrrr".


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

So you're not really on call 24/7 for advice giving? Then it's a good thing I don't really understand how to send a text message anyway.

Sass said...

Scope goes commando???

mo.stoneskin said...


Tell me about your friends.

J.J. in L.A. said...


I think Cora's been holding out on us...I'd like to know what she really saw when she peeked at Scope in her car. ; )

H said...

Is it sad that I can claim two of these? Or should we all rejoice that I choose to torment Gwen with my drunken thoughts after 1am??

Either way it doesn't matter since until they make a breathlizer for my damn cell phone Gwen will continue to receive my late night texts. Sorry Gwennie!