Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

You funny freaks outdid yourselves this time. I have been made to guffaw, to snort, to cry and finally, to pee more than just a little as your Kim Jong-Il Blog Award Clip Art Contest ("Kim Kontest") entries rolled in this past week.

It was tough to choose a winner. I'd have it narrowed down to two in my mind and then I'd start analyzing again. I finally remembered that I agonize over decisions, gave up, and consulted with the EILCC Advisory Board: Magic E. Ball; the homeless guy I save change for; Ouija board/my dead grandma who was a witch (magic, not bitchy); my cats; Cathy; and a panel of judges that includes people I think are really funny, contestants excluded of course.

And now, what you've all been waiting for . . .

THE GALLERY OF KIM KONTEST ENTRIES

Girl Interrupted
One of my favorites. I could totally see myself giving this award. I may keep it in reserves for a very special occasion.

(Check it out! mjenks taught me how to hovertext!)
All I have to say is that this one was a SHOCKER.
I can feel the communist dictator in this one and I love the arrogance and it follows the gist of the meme, but it was a little . . . well . . . wordy. (See what I did there?)

Scope
Ah, the pimp hand. This one focuses on Kim's gesture, which I found to be an observant interpretation. That said, I'm still not over the time when Whiskeymarie was here and I found myself on the receiving end of a man-handed pimp hand. I'm just not over it yet, emotionally or physically, so I had to pass.

Scope
The font choice is this submission is sublime. It cartoonizes the image and makes him seem even sillier than he is. Every time I look at it I catch myself chopping with my arm and saying "Judo-o-o CHOP!" and giggling.

Scope
This is perfect for the meme that is supposed to go with this award but we all know that while I fully intend to confer the winning award on The Deserving, I won't likely pass along the meme. Still loving the way you interpret the hand gesture, though.

Scope
I love this one. Again, focused on the hand, but "Dear Leader" cracks me the hell up. The juxtaposition of his Communist formality and the informality of the high five slang is only topped by the UPS uniform-brown color of the font that matches his JACKET.

Dave, So Taguchi's House of Super Fun Time
Raugh Out Roud! Dave, a friend in real life, is the guy with cajones big enough to stand up in a crowded Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day and yell that he hates the stinking Irish. Considering he hasn't posted anything since March, I was surprised to get his email. Oddly enough, it was the Chinese judge who dinged his entry citing technical issues.

Beckeye, "LilKim"
Holy Christ, this made me laugh as soon as it hit my eyes. If there was a second runner up in this batch of silliness, Beckeye, this was it. This one even made people laugh who I thought would cringe. It's also the one I fear the most; I have visions of spending the next twelve years in a tiny cage in North Korea.

Beckeye
This one speaks for itself. I honestly think she should submit this to the canhascheezburger site just to see what happens.

Girl Interrupted
Kim is so very happy. Can't you tell? I would laugh my ass off if someone gave this to me, but it makes me think of Frankie Goes to Hollywood which always leads to singing and no one wants to hear me sing.

And finally . . . the moment you've all been waiting for . . . the Winner Winner Chicken Dinner of the EILCC Kim Kontest . . . the designer of the Official Blog Award of EILCC . . . the gorgeous and obviously talented because she's won the last two contests I've held . . . the Aussie with the Saucy . . .


This was the first submission I received and I have to admit that I knew it was going to be the one to beat. It was an over-all Advisory Board and Management favorite. I love the color scheme, the font, the message, the humor, the layout, its bestow-ability . . . all of it. It's perfect.

Miss Soda and Candy? You can't see me but I am down on one knee*. Would you please do me the honor of accepting the very first EILCC Official Blog Award, to have and to hold, from this day forward, through monkey poo and bad puns? You've earned it and I'd be proud.

*I was looking for a jujube that fell under my desk.

18 comments:

Fancy Schmancy said...

Oh, that was hilarious! Those guys outdid themselves!

OOOH, OOOH, OOOH, what does one have to do to receive one of those awards from you?

Fancy Schmancy said...

Cause, holy hell did I just spend a night in the seven circles of blood relations. And I can't blog about it cause some of those f-ers read it.

Mr. Condescending said...

wow these are incredibly hilarious! I can't believe how funny these all are, I wish I could have sent something in but I really suck at that stuff. Congrats to S&C, and congrats to everyone else.

Whiskeymarie said...

Holy shit- for once the one I picked won. This is a glorious day, indeed.
All hail Kim Jong Il and Gwen!

SkylersDad said...

Winners all of them, this was great work!

J.J. in L.A. said...

My personal favorite is "Oh pipe down!" lol!

mo.stoneskin said...

They're all brilliant. But does Scope get some sort of "phenomenal effort" award?

words...words...words... said...

IT'S A SHIRT!

Oh, and good job, S&C :)

Organic Meatbag said...

Awwww geez, I'm no good at these awards show...I always cry... congratulations to all of the winners! Oh, here come the waterworks now...shit!! Turn off the music!

Jon said...

Man I wish I knew how to Photoshop! Nice work all around though..

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Woot! Small shoutout for me!!!

And, yeah, Kim Jong Illin' is awesome. Though, I must say "I can has catburger" is also pretty fucking hilarious.

Girl Interrupted said...

That was such fun! Great idea Gwen. And they're all so good, although LilKim was my fave as it actually made me spit my tea lol

Big congrats to Soda & Candy and all the other participants (losers) :P

Stacie's Madness said...

these were great, I loved the LIL Kim one!!!

BeckEye said...

FUCK!!!!

Er, I mean, congratulations Soda and Candy. And great work, everyone! *fake smile*

Soda and Candy said...

I am so honored to be the winner out of such a ridiculously fine crop of entries!!!

My personal (other) faves are BeckEye's "Lil Kim" (girlfriend has mad Photoshop skillz) and Girl Interrupted's "Oh pipe down!" (brilliant wording)

I will post it in my sidebar ASAP!

Cora said...

I would have had a nervous breakdown trying to decide between all those - talk about FANTASTIC choices!

I feel like such a slacker though that I didn't even contribute ONE, when Scope (my favorite overachiever) submitted FOUR!

*hanging head in lazyass shame*

Valerie said...

found your blog through soda and candy! This is a pretty hilarious contest- I like the shocker one.

the girl with the pink teacup said...

What a Photoshopically-gifted bunch! It must've been excruciating to choose just one winner (Girl Interrupted, "Oh pipe down!" will be hard to forget!) but I'm secretly so glad to see my fellow Aussie girl take line honours - she's possibly the most talented award designer to ever grace the Interwebs. You're all wonderful :)

Subscribe