Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

I received an email today from a very dear friend who was sending me her homemade hummus recipe. She opened with this:

Hi Stinky!

Long time no blog. I've missed reading your whacky spin on life and I would worry, but you've been leaving comments and Face-booking so I figured you're not kidnapped. If you
are kidnapped, it must not be so bad since you've got internet access and all.
So I replied:
Hey, nerd!

You crack me up! I haven't been kidnapped but if I had I would INSIST on wifi. And I can be a real pill when I want to be so I'm sure my kidnappers would comply (or just take me RIGHT BACK HOME to get me to shut the hell up.)

Yeah, for some reason I'm just not feeling Blogaritaville. My life has been kinda poopy which has made me melancholy. I've had car troubles since mid-December. First it was the transmission and then it was terrible metallic squealy noises (which turned out to be an axle seal) and then it shook like your moneymaker at speeds over 45 mph (which turned out to be tires). It has been in the shop three times in as many weeks. I've spent about $3k and now I am BROKE. Like well and truly broke. Like ramen noodles broke. If something else happens I'm putting a "hit" out on it - you can pay the mob to "steal" your car, right? And you can pay them in sexual favors, right?

Pair all that with this craptastic sub-zero weather and you get a surly, hermity Gwennie. I only have about 140 characters worth of pleasant thoughts at a time right now. (Maybe I should just cut and paste the past three paragraphs into a blog post.)

Homemade hummus will make me happier. Garlic and chickpeas are cheap and the making of it will make me feel creative again. You rule, my dear friend.

Yours until the mob breaks my knees,


Whiskeymarie said...

If you switch out "car troubles" with "dealing with pets, home, family bullshit, and now work", this would pretty much sum up my life/blogging right now as well.

I'll pay the mob in favors for both of us- I owe you one anyways. If I get herpes you'll still love me, right?

Gwen said...

Yes, but I won't let you lick my face anymore. Herp.

SkylersDad said...

Why Gwennie, I had no idea you were a hermaphrodite! Oh wait, that said hermity...

My bad. Skydad retracts this comment and regrets and inconvenience it may have caused.

Char said...

(laughing at SkylerDad) I know exactly what you mean Gwen! I think a lot of have been that way about blogging since the new year.

Funny post tho, maybe you should post you emails more often.


Cora said...

Yep. I know what you mean. I'm so far behind on blogging I no longer know what the eff is going on in Blogaritaville. I'm lost. LOST!

And it ain't going to get any better anytime soon: I've got a cross-country move and a wedding to plan; I'm working longer hours; American Idol is starting up again; and I'm getting back into ebay selling because this shit just NEEDS TO GO (read: cross-country move and wedding.)

And then, y'know, I'll be job hunting and helping my kid get accustomed to a whole new life. Plus I'll be a newly wed *wink wink nudge nudge say no more* so, really, sometimes I think about abandoning my blog too because I just don't think I have the time nor attention span to do it right. Sometimes FB seems far more practical.


Eva Gallant said...

Sorry you're in a bad place right now. Hope things start looking up soon!

Scope said...

I've been wondering about "the car situation". (Do I now owe the dude in New Jersey a royalty?) Sorry it hasn't gotten any better.

On an entirely unrelated note, you do have theft insurance on your car, right? Would it be covered on your homeowners if the garage ACCIDENTALLY caught fire?

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Nothing that a bus pass and hummus won't fix. Hummus is not only delicious but also a soothing miracle balm. People might skootch further away from you on the bus but often it's better that way.

Anonymous said...

I can't decide if it made me laugh more that you would insist on wifi from kidnappers or that you called Whiskey "herp".

I think, if I'm honest, it's the herp.

I've been out of bloggy sorts the last month or so myself. I demand that you keep at it though, because I read yours. I never read my blog.

Son of a Thomas said...

When the world has got me down, I like do put on my favorite pair of sexy shoes (and optional hat)take lurid photos and then send them to my favorite male blogging friend in Pa who is not Dr.Zibbs.
(I'm just sayin)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

What if your kidnappers were all single men. With exotic accents? Would you still be a pill?

mo.stoneskin said...

As someone whose car is currently in the process of failing its MOT I wholeheartedly sympathise.

words...words...words... said...

I'm glad you posted! Does this let me off the hook for writing your blog in 2010?

Also, I'll steal your car for half the sexual favors that mobsters will.

LegalMist said...

There's a lot of melancholy going around bloggyworld right now.

I've been missing some of my favorite bloggers who, like me, have been AWOL a lot lately.

Just don't give it up totally. I always look forward to seeing your posts in my reader.

And hang in there. The worst part about recurring car trouble is the hindsight. If you'd known you'd be spending $3K in a month, you'd have taken that $3K and put a down payment on a new car, but now you're stuck with the old one 'cause you spend all the money you had... and you just have to hope it doesn't break down *again*! I've been there, 'though I never thought of such a creative solution as you have.

You should definitely accept Whiskeymarie's offer. Maybe it'll cheer you both up. ;)

Scott said...

Soooo...... Where's the hummus recipe??

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Yeah, I've had that blogging melancholy lately. It's been three months and I've only just had the urge to post in the last couple of weeks. But I think I'm back now.

Dr Zibbs said...

I bet you're gonna spring back though.

You'll see.

ttmac said...

January Sucks! Write about it.
From a non-blogger to a blogger I count on you people for inspirations, laughs, dirty words, and rabbi's blowing over-zealous shofar's in your honor...Don't give up yet, I need you people!

Stacie's Madness said...

you are sooo funny.