Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

A month or more ago a bunch of us gals tricked our friend The Plant into hosting her own birthday party. (Yeah, we're pretty awesome. Wanna be friends?)

Anyway, she sent her husband to LA for a soccer match and then spent all day calling in an order for preparing fresh pasta. We showed up for dinner and surprised her with stupid hats, noisemakers, and gifts ranging from the beautiful to the ridiculous.

Over the years I'd heard rumors about The Plant's impressive B*rbie collection but was seriously amazed when I saw her hauling out trunk after trunk of dolls and clothes. The most amazing part is that the majority of the clothes were hand made by women in her family. And she still has them. And we still play with them.

About fifteen minutes into dressing the dolls and brushing their hair things got . . . well . . . out of hand? Silly? Surreal? Hilarious? Inappropriate?

Eh, judge for yourself:

Things started out nice enough.
Sure, Titty McBonbon is topless, but she's still classy.

Class? Just left the building.

Poor Joe (Namath), lost his feet and his right arm after he hit on that sportscaster lady.
But he can still get with other ladies.
Go Joe!

Seems Ken doesn't care about Joe's lack of limbs, or that he never takes off his helmet.

Oh. Wow. Ken's in love.

Ken! Think about things! If you consummate it's harder to get an annulment!

Aaaaaand . . . the reception gets out of hand.

Filled with shame, they drank the Kool-Aid
and lay down together to die at the end of the night.

Before they went to the Dreamhouse In The Sky, however, they filmed an off-the-cuff but highly entertaining reenactment of Mad Men. Help honor the memory of these dead plastic hedonists by enjoying their performance.

"Bring four packs, we're going to be in there for an hour!"


Anonymous said...

I didn't think anything would be funnier than Ken running full speed to mount Joe Namath, but then I watched that video.

Freaking hilarious. I am writing "party with Gwen" on my life list.


Whiskeymarie said...

Sigh. I haven't played "dirty Barbies" since about 5th grade, but this post makes it abundantly clear that Ken still likes to shave his balls.
Freaky Ken.

Scope said...

Lory, I would pay cash money to see what you & your friends would do with Cora's Strawberry Shortcake collection. (It lincludes a still unclothed "Captain Jack Sparrow")

Eva Gallant said...

You guys are seriously disturbed! lol

Happy Hour...Somewhere said...

Well, a how-to post on practicing safe sex...remove most identifiable sex organs. Even the ones you see (the boobies) are missing parts. Drinking the kook-aid...hilarious.

SkylersDad said...

This is just so full of win I can't take it!

words...words...words... said...

I don't know what to call this except awesome. I want to party with you.

J.J. said...

Are you coming to California anytime soon? Bring the dolls, I have the 4 packs.

mo.stoneskin said...

The main reason I come here is for lessons in maturity...

Ellie said...

Dammit! WHy did I let my mom throw out the barbies? WHY?! Especially because my sister and I had identical twin barbies color coded to our outfits... yes, we were and are THAT identical.

Dr Zibbs said...

You're so retarded.

Don't change.

Cora said...

Ooh! OOH!! Have I ever mentioned I have a Mary Poppins Barbie AND A Mork From Ork Ken???? Wanna come over and play sometime?! :-)

Cora said...

@ Scope: Yeah, the Jack Sparrow Strawberry Shortcake Doll is still standing on the shelf buck naked. So? I think it adds a certain ambiance to the room, don't you?

FYI, he'll be standing buck naked in YOUR house in just a few months. Mwahahahahahaha!

Some Guy said...

Absolutely wonderful! Nothing beats full-blown goofiness like that!

W.C.Camp said...

Why do they bother to make clothes at all for these dolls? Have you ever really seen one fully clothed except for the day of purchase?

Keep having fun although next time you might want to blur out the naughty bits on the dolls. At my age I cannot take the excitement.


ttmac said...

Yeah, what Mr.Zibbs said. Whoever he is, he is eloquent.
I love my friends, even the ones I don't know yet.

Scope said...

Am I too late to make a couple of jokes? Well, I'm going to do it anyway:

1 - I guess that's why they call him: "Joe 'Willie' Namath".

2 - And that how he earned the nickname "Broad Way Joe Namath"

Word Ver = "Dence"

otherworldlyone said...

Oh man, I needed that laugh. This was hilarious!

WendyB said...

It's like you saw into my mind and illustrated all my fantasies.

joeygirl said...

ah, barbie porn - reminds me of being 10.