Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

You may think that the one thing a single gal needs most is a gay bestie with brawny arms who loves to help with house chores (especially the heavy ones), enjoys critiquing improving her style and will hold her hand during movies but you'd be wrong. I've come here today to assert that the one thing a single gal needs most is a year's worth of free sausage. You heard me. A YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE!

And who's the lucky gal who has two thumbs and recently won a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE HILLSHIRE FARMS SAUSAGE? (You can't see me but I've got my two thumbs raised and proudly pointed at myself.) ME! I DID!

(The actual coupons I received do not say "DO NOT REPRODUCE" on them. I was just afraid some stinker would try to print a copy from here and effectively ruin it for everyone. To anyone who considered this I say, "You should also not reproduce.")

(Dear FCC:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to handle this. I know that I'm supposed to disclose when a company pays me to endorse their product but do you consider a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGE! to be payment? I don't know. Anyway, the lovely people at Hillshire Farms have not paid me in cash monies to say they are awesome but I am going to say they are awesome anyway. You've been warned.

Yours until I run out of sausages,

The lovely people at Hillshire Farms are awesome! They're as awesome as Bill over at Poop and Boogies who ran the blog contest with prizes made of meat. I've linked to Bill before when one or another of his three boys has been a door bell (aka "adorable" for those of you who don't speak Gwen). One of them (the middle one?) even made me care about baseball once. Bill, anyone who offers meat as a blog contest prize CANNOT be evil. I'm just sayin'. Baby, you're the best.

Big hugs and tiny kisses to everyone responsible for supplying this single gal with a YEAR'S WORTH OF FREE SAUSAGES! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some meat to consume. Go meat!


Scope said...

And may your perspiration taste of bacon.

Way to go, and talk about saving ca$h!

Elliott said...

Go Meat, is right! Way to go, you, winning a year's worth of cured, seasoned and salted protein.

And technically, I only think it's payment if Hillshire Farms directly contacted you. Otherwise, disclosure is entirely up to you.

And if you keep advertising that you have free sausage all year, you might not be single for long.

Chemgeek said...

You seriously won a year of free meat? Holy pork products!!!!! Can I come over for some bacon wrapped in sandwich meat stuffed in a polish sausage all wrapped in another layer of bacon????

Tara said...

THAT.IS.AWESOME. Free sausage YAY for you!

Cowguy said...

Apple sausage casserole
Baked ziti with italian sausage
Bean and sausage cassoulet
Bow ties with sausage and peppers
Brats in a hot tub. (lol)
Bratwurst and rice
Calico rice and sausage
Cheesy sausage and Mushroom pizza
Chili sausage and rice
Sausage and macs
Farfalle with sausage and peppers
Fettuccine with sausage
French quarter sausage and rice
Sausage and saurkraut....

You ARE a winner!

Hunter said...

[insert sausage related sexual innuendo here]

Eva Gallant said...

Wow! How did you get so lucky?? I want me some meat...whoops, that sounded nasty!

SkylersDad said...

So a sausage feast at your place will no longer be sexual, but delectable?

Soda and Candy said...

I am soooo JEALOUS! Nice one Gwennie!

Son of a Thomas said...

I don't think you have to worry about the FCC but the IRS may consider it as income.

(Place joke here)

MJenks said...

Who has two thumbs and doesn't need to be told how awesome a year's worth of free sausage is because he already knows?

This guy!

words...words...words... said...

I'm still not sure how you got a year's worth of free meat, but I'm jealous. You're going to be even more full of sausage than usual!

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh. My. God.

You and I will now be able to have the world's first female-only "Sausage Party" when I visit you next month!!!


Wait- did that sound lesbo? I'm pretty sure I didn't mean that to sound dirty.

Oh, wait again. Yes I did.

WILLIAM said...

Remember to use your sausages in a responsible manner. No visits to the ER

Cora said...

*drooling like Homer Simpson*