Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

5/21/2010

My head, it spins.

Posted by Gwen |

I have a wonderful life: amazing friends (real and cyber), a stable job that I love, a beautiful home, and hobbies that keep me busy and happy. I'm lucky and I know it. The only thing missing from my wonderful life list is a significant other, a best friend I can smooch on. A week ago I was fine with that; I enjoyed being alone and, for the most part, was grateful to not have the complications that come with a relationship.


A week ago I also went on a first date that blew me away. We connected on many levels, discovered we have many similar interests and priorities, and he's cute as a bug in a rug. Okay fine, he's hot. And chivalrous and romantic. And masculine and artistic. I was so comfortable with him that all of my usual anxiety and guardedness melted away. I was on cloud nine. I was weightless and joyful and excited.

And then I received a message from him on Saturday night, calling from a local hospital. On his way home from our date he lost control of his vehicle, rolled it several times and literally crushed his left arm and hand. In the past week he's undergone three surgeries to put his arm and hand back together. And yet, despite the fact that our first date almost killed him, he still wanted to see me. So I went to the hospital. Every day this week. Because he asked me to come back every time I went and it felt right.

To say this is an interesting dating situation is an understatement. I mean, he's been in his underwear and an adjustable bed on our dates numbered two through five. I've already met 75% of his family and helped him do things that are generally considered taboo in the first week of dating. (Out of the gutter, pervs, I'm talking about washing his hair and being present for medical discussions about private bodily functions.)

Here's where it gets tricky for me: I'm a person who needs a playbook. I get anxious when I don't know what's going to happen. I need a plan. I need to know what to expect. And guess what? There's no playbook for this situation. He will probably go home tomorrow. Home for him is an hour away, in another state. Where do we go from here? Do we go back to the regular dating playbook? How will his recovery affect our ability to see each other?

Having tasted the sweet nectar of companionship I'm not sure I want to go back to my quiet life of solitude. Sure, it's easier and certainly less dramatic, but it doesn't have any kissing or holding hands or googly eyes. The logical part of my brain knows that the best course of action in a uncertain situation is to sit back, see how things play out and react accordingly, but the part of my brain that has been saturated with serotonin is spinning.

33 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Each situation dealing with an accident is different and unique. Do you have any idea at all what the long-term prognosis is for this guy? I have been around the block quite a few times when it comes to dealing with special needs and care, and if you want to talk a bit more about it and more private, it is jchrishull(at)comcast.net

Carolyn said...

Ask him! Given your situation there is no way it's too soon to ask that. But, I also think that it sounds like you found someone awesome, so you stick with it and see what happens. Finding someone great is really hard.

T Rob said...

Tell him you're only an hour away if he needs a hand.....

Some Guy said...

I'm a big fan of logic myself. I hope it all works out!

John Reichert said...

Yes, what Carolyn said. The 'up' side of this situation is that the usual barriers and guards people put up due to all the dating baggage of the past, is out the window. Vulnerability has been at the forefront. A level of frankness and understanding has been developed. In short, you can probably discuss this with him openly. It'll be OK. As for my view point on how to handle first dates amid catastrophe, dates that would win Y98 worst first date contests hands down, you know my history and you know that my date BOLTED. The complete stranger that appeared at the crash scene and helped me find my cel phone and elevate my leg until the ambulance showed up visited me in the hospital, the date didn't. So you also know how much I think of you and your good heart for being there for him. You are a class act Gwenny. And honey, I promise you as someone who's been in that hospital bed, that has not gone unnoticed.

Oh and you need a plan? The plan is ride the ride.. simple as that.

Grant Miller said...

Holy cow!

words...words...words... said...

Wow. What an amazing story. I guess the upshot is that a week in the hospital is like a month's worth of regular dates. So I think you're definitely at the point where you should ask. There's been a forced intimacy, and when he leaves the hospital it's something you guys are going to have to either recreate on your own or let pass.

Good luck :)

MJenks said...

I'm sorry. What was that? I closed the door and turned off the lights when I read "cyber".

Now...where were we?

MJenks said...

Oh, so, I actually read this.

First off, you're going to want to throw all the "hand-holding" plays out of the playbook.

Second, use the playbook. You can't pretend like you HAVEN'T seen him in his underwear and hospital gown. I suggest that you show up on your next day in YOUR underwear and a hospital gown. Level the field a bit.

But, just take things as they come (mind out of the gutter, pervs). And just open the playbook to a month ahead and go from there.

And tell him to wait to jerk off until AFTER he gets home from dates with you. It'll cause him less physical harm.

Joke about my dead cats, will you...

Stacie's Madness said...

ok, first...AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME...

and secondly...if he feels for you as you feel for him...it will work out...you both will come up with a playbook that works for both of you...

I am sooo happy for you, this just rocks my world.

J.J. said...

1 1/2 months after meeting a guy, I was in the hospital for 16 days. I said, "You don't have to come see me every day and if you want to date someone else, I'm okay."

Well, he told me to "shut up and get better" and we dated for 2 years. I'll always love him for sticking by me when he could've easily bailed.

My advice is: Let him know that you're willing to do whatever it takes, if he wants to keep seeing you. Since he lives an hour away and won't be driving for awhile, take the lead and visit him. Always be open to what might develop beccause it could be awesome!

Good luck! : )

Fancy Schmancy said...

Can't believe I'm the first to say this. This is the perfect situation to ask, "what would Kathy Bates/Annie Wilkes do?". The answer - rebreak his arm while he's visiting your house and hold him hostage during a blizzard. duh. (seriously, girl, wishing you the best of luck, you soooo deserve to be happy!!!!! xoxo)

Chemgeek said...

"How will his recovery -affect- effect our ability to see each other?"

You were right the first time. Affect is a verb. Effect is a noun. Usually

Yes, I'm a grammar ass.

As far as the guy goes, super awesome. Screw the playbook. You should know by now this so called playbook does not exist. Never has. Where do you go from here? Do whatever feels best. Just don't do anything out of pity.

Geez, listen to me. Who the hell am I, Dear Abby?

Just trust yourself and the voices in your head. Listen to the loudest one. It works for me.

McGone said...

I could see this as a movie. Something with Meg Ryan possibly. You totally have a "meet cute" situation - Although he may think of it as a "meet painful."

As to the playbook question, you wrote:

Where do we go from here?

This is a blog, Gwen, not a magic eightball. We can't tell you what will happen. Only you can tell us what happens when you dive in and see where it takes you. Now cowboy up and get back in the game, slugger.

We're all totally smacking you on the ass in support.

Eva Gallant said...

Sounds exciting! keep us posted!

Son of a Thomas said...

Just another thing to let you know your alive.

Juz said...

I think it's the beginning of something great. And like T Rob said, you're just an hour away. Which is fine. And you got to know him really well in a short time, and he kept asking you to come back. I think you're scared as to what you're going to do when he's out of hospital. The answer: A lot!

Amanda said...

Oh Gwen what a lovely story (except for the accident/hospital part). I don't think anyone wants someone they don't have feelings for in their hospital room. I feel happy warm gushy thoughts for you!

Dr Zibbs said...

Whoa!

And I'm sure you'll figure it out.

But keep us updated.

Soda and Candy said...

Squeeeee! I agree with the other commenters who said eff the playbook. I might not have gotten married if I didn't ask my husband out first. And you are ahead of the game there, in the sense that he has clearly wanted your company and been willing to let you see him vulnerable which (some) men don't seem to like. I say go for it, but he might have to do some catch-up driving when he's able - you shouldn't have to pay for all the gas ; ) !

-R- said...

I've had this saved in my Google Reader as unread for days because I don't know what to write. I'm glad you found a great guy, but I'm sorry you both are going through this.

Surprisingly Bright said...

Oh girl, have fun! I had a similarly unconventional start to my current relationship and once I learned to let go and accept the fact that life doesn't follow my logic, the sooner I was able to have fun. And so far so good. Enjoy!

otherworldlyone said...

Dating? What's that?

I have absolutely no idea what to tell you except this: Congrats on meeting someone wonderful. If you want it to work out, you'll find a way to make it happen. Good luck. :)

LegalMist said...

What a story.

I think you treat the hour-away distance just as you would if he hadn't ended up in the hospital after the first date. Which is to say, "only an hour away? That's practically next door!"

(Those of us who live in Arizona tend to see a three hour drive as "short").

Good luck with it!

Cora said...

Woah! How did I miss this post? I'm sorry about that, Gwen!

*guilty squirm*

I hope it all works out - he sounds wonderful and, damn, what a how-we-met kind of story you'd have to tell, huh? ;-)

Beth D said...

Gee, Gwen, I get busy, don't check in on EIKCC for a few weeks and wow!

Yes, an unusual beginning. But how cool is it that he was so intrigued by you that, after just one date, he invites you into such a....uhhh....personal, awkward, strange...time in his life. Take a page from his book and don't let the unpredictable part of this scare you off. Hope he is healing well.

Hmmmm, does he have a brother?

Cowguy said...

Love is a whole lotta different things and almost all of it beats being alone forever Gwen.

XO sweetie.
J.

Jessica said...

I've never read this blog before, just happened to click the link from Steam Me Up Kid, but seriously, this is an incredible story...and could be a start to an amazing relationship! Do it! Toss the play book. He wanted you there, day after day and you met some family members. He is a dude. And if he were a sub-par dude he would never, ever, ever have followed up the horrible car accident like this. Yay for love!

Gina M said...

Hey Gwen -

I haven't been on here in a while but I think you need to toss the playbook and write your own. That's what falling in love is all about. The uncertainty of vulnerability and the thrill of not knowing what will happen next. If you feel a connection with this guy you need to put yourself out there. Connections are hard to find. If it's meant to be then great and if it's not you won't have any regrets. One hour away isn't all that bad. P and I started out with 6hours between us and look at us now...three kids later!

Good Luck!!!

†•▬Јw▬•† said...

This probably isn't the smartest thing to do but i think you should just jump blindly :)
Forget about those pesky insecurities and safety mechanisms. Maybe he's just the person that can take your life from out-of-a-movie to out of this world...
But then again what do i know I'm just 18 :).
Ooo and maybe you could also do me a huge favor and read my blog while you're at it :D Who knows, you might find it inspirational..

wish you the best
jw

florida mango said...

damn seratonin... can't live with it, can't live without it.

Jacky said...

sounds a lot like my story, only here it was me who ended up in the hospital. 3 days after i first met this cruely attractive man, we were holding hands on our bikes and the steering wheels got connected. i fell and broke my upper arm. he was totally sweet and took care of me for weeks. now i am so touched by that, while he is still dating around. and i'm at home suffering the consequences. guess this can happen when you meet on a dating site...
so, how are you now?
love your blog.

Jennifer said...

Awww that is so sweet and really, a very unusual situation. Hmm its almost like love at first sight. Hope things are working out between you two, get some girl! they say that there's many fish in the sea, but everyone knows the beatiful fish that leave you in awe are rare to catch even a glimpse of. Dont pass the experience up (=

Subscribe