Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

This post was originally published 11/03/08 but is still (mostly) relevant.
Don't forget to vote! Enjoy the game!

This election season has been unceasingly tedious. I've actually grown accustomed to being bombarded by it and thinking about it at all times. The theme changes - the candidates, voter registration, the debates, my love/hate relationship with Sarah Palin - you name it, I've considered it.

Today I thought about the voting process itself, things like what I should wear . . . should I take a raincoat since last time I got caught in the rain and had to pee . . . not that taking a raincoat would solve anything if I had to pee . . . should I go in the morning before work (vote, not pee) . . . should I go after work . . . yeah again vote, not pee . . . should I take a book in case the line is long . . . do they allow iPods?. . . I bet not.

This went on for a while and then my feeble mind wandered back to silly things like this image that someone sent me today, a Wal*Mart Bingo Card:



A card that rewards you for witnessing an artificial voicebox and puts the pleasure back into catching the scent of someone with unbearable body odor. (Clicking the image makes it bigger so you can see some of the other fine items you're to spot for the win.)

And then it came to me in a flash - like all my genius ideas do - why not marry the two ideas? The Wal*Mart Bingo card in polling alleys across the nation . . . it's the perfect voting accessory! All you have to do is print up your very own game card and you're all set for "good times in the votin' lines" over there at the [insert where you vote here].

I recommend you print it tonight (now) and put it over there on the table with your voter registration card. That way you won't forget to take it with you and get all mad when the line is long and you've got nothing to do but think about how you wish you'd done what I told you to do.

Also, take a pen.

I'd like to hear back about any egregious sightings. If anyone actually completes a row I might consider giving said person a prize of my choosing.

51 comments:

Doria said...

that's awesome! I wish I had remembered to vote today, shooot!

Simple Dude said...

Reminds me of our State Fair bingo card that had some of the same boxes, but also included "someone with food stains on shirt", "entire families dressed alike" and "someone two-fisting corn dogs".

SD
http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

Jocelyn said...

I didn't see anything. I sneaked around the side of the building to AVOID them!

Cora said...

My old polling alley back in WA was usually full of teeny, tiny, hunchbacked old ladies with ugly knitted hats on.

It was like the old folks' home was out on a freaking field trip every election day.

Oy.

Eva Gallant said...

I haven't been to vote yet; going shortly. I'll be looking around!

Gwen said...

The median age at my Polling Alley was significantly reduced from years past - like from 85 to 65. Wow. Not many people there but it was recess (I vote at an elementary school.)

Nari said...

I'm pretty sure I could use this BINGO card just about everywhere I go...hmmmm...at the office...definitely...I'm an insurance agent and we get it all.

Thanks for sharing

Karen Sather said...

No bingo card needed. I walked right in signed my name got my ballot and cover and within a few minutes left with my I voted sticker! Not even any candy! it was just that simple. I was voter #250 and the first to sign the sheet my name was on..and still no candy......and I knew there would be plenty of time to pee....we live in a small township of about 1,500 people, not all voters either!

Kristen said...

They make me nervous there! I was told to SIT at the table - no privacy and then had to cover my ballot while I voted. YES we live in a VERY SMALL TOWN

RamblingHutch said...

This is like my tendency to make everything into a hypothetical drinking game. Instead of blacking out a bingo square, I take a mental shot of vodka. I rarely drink for real, but it's fun to think about it. It also makes these kinds of experiences a lot less painful and a lot more amusing.

SkylersDad said...

At our polling place the old folks rule with an iron fist! Thank goodness for mail in ballots.

Blasé said...

I stopped playing the Voting Game.

Michelle Saunderson said...

I love it. Too bad I voted absentee ballot.

Seabiscuit said...

that bingo card is hilarious. there are far more interesting things at wal-mart, though, haha.

Richard said...

You could make it into a drinking game too!

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Organic Meatbag said...

The chinese guy is trying too hard...I think he has a q-tip stuck in his pee-pee...and oh, I see at LEAST 6 or 7 of those things every time I go into any Wal-Mart...

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Jess said...

Ummm... is it bad that I was checking off boxes that could possibly be me.
I am so using this in a post!
Jess

Discount Furniture Santa Monica said...

I'd take the ipod!

internet marketing los angeles said...

Oh my goodness this is sooo funny! I can't wait to print this out! Lol.

car lease los angeles said...

I am soooo playing this with my friend - we love getting...umm...a little 'relaxed' and going to Wal Mart at random hours of the night- gotta love the 24 hour ones!!

Location longue durée said...

Nice post !

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