Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Remember that prom picture of me that I told you I submitted to Promtacular!? You know, the one you demanded to see immediately but I made you wait until it was published?

Well, we got another couple inches of snow after I went to bed last night and now I really can't get out.  There is about six inches of snow in the alley and my low-riding Spyder is just not built for trekking through that kind of snow.  I called the office about 7 am and took a vacation day.

Whew. That title's a doozie, much like the man who drafted it, Dr. Zibbs, who challenged me today to find a crappy gift to add to a stockpile he's building for sick people. His theory is that good things are wasted on sick people, who will, "just cough on it anyway or something" and who, in my own opinion, can't appreciate nice things because of their weakened conditions.

A couple days ago Fancy was talking about her collection of Christmas ornaments and lamenting having to pass them down to her son. She said, "When he's 21, he's probably going to be living with a bunch of guys who's idea of decorating a tree is throwing empty beer cans at it. Believe me, I've seen that. And you probably have, too."

I genuinely laughed out loud, because I have.  In fact, I helped make one and her comment flooded me with the memory of the dorm room on the corner of Jane Hall First stuffed with drunk undergrads reveling under Beer Can Tree.  I wish I had pictures of it, I know some were taken.  I was able to find pictures of the brain trust that brought us Beer Can Tree, George and Jason.

Wasn't my dorm room cool?  No?  Then look at all the beer!

These two were numbskulls.  Unreliable, maddening, funny, sexy numbskulls.  Being bad boys, I dated them both.  I dated George when I first arrived at Mac.  Well, to say we dated may be revisionist but go with me, I have a reputation to manufacture.  George wasn't a student, but he had been, and for some reason he was back in town, mostly hanging out with us on campus.  

And then one day he was gone.  Though there were rumors he was living in New York, I was never sure.

And then one day he was back and this time he had a friend with him, Jason.  I fell in love with Jason on sight.  These two were fucking Frick and Frack, I tell ya.  We got in so much more trouble with these two around.  Again, not enrolled in classes but essentially base-camped in our rooms.  They came and went with no warning or explanation and one blustery frigid night in December, a night much like tonight, they showed up outside the dorm dragging a live Christmas tree across the lawn and regaling us, between howls of laughter, with a tale of near-death at the hands and shotgun barrel of the angry farmer who formerly owned the tree.

See what I mean?  Lovable dirtleg numbskulls.

The tree was huge and barely fit in Vance's room.  I don't know how we got it in there, and there was very little room for us once we did, but there was much rejoicing and Christmas cheer.  Someone put in a Christmas tape and we had ourselves a first-rate Christmas party, finals be damned.  

We were practically required to decorate the tree with empty beer cans as there was only enough money for beer.  Back then you could get a case of Keystone Light for $6 so it was our obvious drink of choice.  Mmm-mm, bottled beer taste in a can.  Anyway, in less time than it takes Santa to press his index finger to the side of his nose and whoosh up the chimney, we had our first Beer Can Tree.

As redneck as the whole affair sounds and probably was, it makes me misty and nostalgic.  Those years were tough - I was on my own and paying for school and working 2-3 jobs - but they were the years and the people that made me who I am today.  We were rotten and loud and did some crazy shit, much of it illegal, but I learned spontaneity and how to not take myself so damn seriously and how to love and so much more, like how to get rid of crabs.  I'm kidding.  I swear I never had crabs.

This story ends as you would expect it to, we were all written up the next day for open alcohol violations even though the only alcohol left in the room was backwash.  C'est la vie.

Soon after I started my life anew and moved into this house, I "joined" e-Harmony. It was a time in my life when I was doing some serious navel-gazing and I wanted to know what the free personality profile had to say about me. That's how they getcha.

I didn't opt to purchase the service which meant that I could see the profiles of the people interested in me but I couldn't respond to any of their questions until I paid the fee. I will admit that I religiously checked my account. It was a Pandora's box. Doesn't everyone want to know what kind of people like them?

Anyway, one day I was contacted by someone whose profile was interesting enough that I considered paying the fee. Except that I really had just started my life completely over and my new dogma just simply had to be about short-term sacrifices if I were to have any hope of long-term gains.

Buuut . . . I am not one to let something as inconsequential as The Rules get in my way. I tried to beat the man. In one of the sections where the response is typed into a box, I spelled out my email address . . . you know like: guenosdias at prodigy dot net. I figured that way their big fancy computer technologies wouldn't recognize it.

I was wrong. And probably a little naive. I can barely write this without giggling.

Well, shortly after so-smartly amending my profile, Cousin T and I drove up to Chicago to visit our friend Holly who had just had her first baby. While we were having coffee Saturday morning I hopped on the Internet to check my email. One of which was from e-Harmony. The email informed me that my membership had been released because of the cheating.

There are few women who are as funny as the three women I was with that weekend. I could not have been in better company to break the news. My face still hurts thinking about how hard we laughed at me.

Today I tasked myself with creating a montage of pictures celebrating my upcoming 15-year MacMurray reunion. Every photo I had ever developed since the days of my first camera had been thrown randomly into a plastic tub stored in the basement so the first order of business was sorting all of them. Which, well, you can see.

If you look over way up there to on the left you will see I've added a new Page Element. It's a flickr flash badge. Running inside there are pictures from events that occurred in past Octobers . . . there are shots from the Bar of the Month I hosted, pictures from Homecoming, pictures from Columbus Day celebrations at the Jandyfer's, and the pictures I took at Gina and Paul's reception.

To view these in a slideshow, or to order prints, doubleclick on the badge and you will be taken to my flickr site. Once you are there you will only see one photo but to the right of it will be, "Octobers Past Set." Click on that and you will see the entire set as thumbnails. "View as Slideshow" will be on the right side of the page.

Assuming as many fun things happen in other months as they do in October, I plan for this to be a regular feature. Because who doesn't love to reminisce? Come skip down memory lane with me! We can hold hands.