Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Soon after I started my life anew and moved into this house, I "joined" e-Harmony. It was a time in my life when I was doing some serious navel-gazing and I wanted to know what the free personality profile had to say about me. That's how they getcha.

I didn't opt to purchase the service which meant that I could see the profiles of the people interested in me but I couldn't respond to any of their questions until I paid the fee. I will admit that I religiously checked my account. It was a Pandora's box. Doesn't everyone want to know what kind of people like them?

Anyway, one day I was contacted by someone whose profile was interesting enough that I considered paying the fee. Except that I really had just started my life completely over and my new dogma just simply had to be about short-term sacrifices if I were to have any hope of long-term gains.

Buuut . . . I am not one to let something as inconsequential as The Rules get in my way. I tried to beat the man. In one of the sections where the response is typed into a box, I spelled out my email address . . . you know like: guenosdias at prodigy dot net. I figured that way their big fancy computer technologies wouldn't recognize it.

I was wrong. And probably a little naive. I can barely write this without giggling.

Well, shortly after so-smartly amending my profile, Cousin T and I drove up to Chicago to visit our friend Holly who had just had her first baby. While we were having coffee Saturday morning I hopped on the Internet to check my email. One of which was from e-Harmony. The email informed me that my membership had been released because of the cheating.

There are few women who are as funny as the three women I was with that weekend. I could not have been in better company to break the news. My face still hurts thinking about how hard we laughed at me.