Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!


The Vacation A-Team

Posted by Gwen |

Late Sunday afternoon as we lounged in the pool, L-Dawg announced that we had all been specially chosen for her Vacation A-Team based on the individual special skills and talents we possess. Pressed for details she explained the thought process behind each choice.

This is Lieutenant Bad Ass and his wife, D-Nana. LBA was the first and most clear choice given his former designation in the military as an Expert Marksman, which means he can hit at least 38 of 40 shots at 350 meters. His military might and security skills came in handy at one point on Sunday but none of us can remember what he saved us from. He's so good we've forgotten the danger.

D-Nana, a social worker, is available for counseling should one of us have a breakdown from the extensive sensory overload presented by this paradise. I requested a session last night at dinner, but fell asleep before she could intervene.

Pictured above are Dr. Drew and his wife, J-Grrrl. J-Grrrl’s mastery of all things food and drink has made her the most popular member of the Vacation A-Team. She has whipped up the most amazing snacks and meals out of what seems like thin air. Every couple of hours she disappears only to reappear a short time later with plates of wonder. We’ve had ceviche, shrimp ten ways, extraordinary nachos, scallops, salads with homemade croutons and dressing, and the list goes on. So far we’ve only eaten outside the house twice and neither time was the food even close to what we’re eating here at the house. Most importantly, however, J-Grrrrrl knows her way around a blender. Pitchers of delicious margaritas and pina coladas have flowed freely since we walked in the door.

Dr. Drew, formerly a drummer in a punk band and currently a physician, was an obvious choice given the Team’s propensity for marathon drinking and playing hard. He also proved handy in the kitchen last night, turning fresh squid into the best calamari I’ve ever eaten in my life. Even the tentacles were delicious.

Being L-Dawg's husband The Gregger was an easy invite, but his legal avocation places him in charge of negotiations with the locals and representation with the law should it become necessary. He was actually dispensing legal advice at breakfast one morning, but I can’t go into the details for fear of violating attorney-client privilege.

He and Dr. Drew have also proven skilled at the local grocery stores, fairly accurately selecting our groceries despite language and store-layout barriers. They make excellent Grocery Store Bitches.

Having an innate ability to commune with animal life, Lil BRR is the St. Francis of our Team. So far she has charmed hummingbirds, jack rabbits the size of dingos, a feral beauty we named Esmerelda, local whales (!) and Dante, the neighbors' golden retreiver. Granted, the left-over ceviche added to Lil’s ability to charm with Esse.

I was chosen for my skills as a photographer and historian. I'm also the Team's sous chef and laundress. It's a real hardship for me when I'm trying to publish this and get called to chop cilantro.

: Pictures of me actually doing my job. On the left you see me chopping the cilantro mentioned above. On the right? Cutting the cheese.


The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

It all looks and sounds so amazing! The house is particularly schweet. I would love to go on vacation with my friends - but we can never seem to make it work.

Happy Vacation to you all!

LM said...

The nicknames are crackin' me up.

McGone said...

It's a real hardship for me when I'm trying to publish this and get called to chop cilantro.

And you forget to mention how you - as you are vacation - are hung over and/or working on tomorrow's hangover while doing all this. I would be at least.

That's a lot to juggle on any vacation. You're doing an exceptional job!

hello haha narf said...

the beginning of february i took so many photos of tourists making the same dancer pose!! i drank plenty of beer at the little bar to the right of the statue. but now that i think of it, i didn't take MY photo there. son of a bitch!!

loven that you are having such a blast. i'm only totally jealous.

keep having fun for me!