Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

I only had a couple days notice that Fernando was coming to stay with me. Thankfully I had already planned a pretty fantastic weekend so there was little preparation to do outside removing the pork from my kitchen and stocking up on adult beverages. I kept a slab of bacon in case I needed to scare him into behaving later in the week.

Fernando finished his martini on the front porch while I got ready for our evening on the town. We dropped the top on the convertible, ran a couple errands, and then headed over to LM's for pre-concert cocktails. Introductions were made and we found out Fernando was a big Kermit fan as a kid. He was giddy about getting to meet him. While we waited for James to arrive, the boys went cruisin'.

Right after we took this picture, unfortunately, there was an incident: Kermit hit the brakes a little too hard, Fernando flew off the hood of the car and got really mad, and a heated exchange followed. When I heard something about Kermit stealing all the good women, LM and I separated them. I suggested Fernando find something to do that would settle him down a little. A tall boy and the paper did the trick.

Miller products in an AB town?

McGone told me it wouldn't happen! Suh-weet!

We soon headed off for Blueberry Hill, a landmark St. Louis watering hole. It's known for it's pop culture memorabilia, creative window displays, and is along the St. Louis Walk of Fame. In fact, Chuck Berry still plays there to this day. We saw him a couple years ago for LM's birthday. He can't remember all the lyrics anymore, but it's a good show.

LM shows Fernando Chuck Berry's guitar.

We ordered a drink and headed downstairs to the Duck Room, which is the larger of the bar's two small concert venues. True to its name, the entire room is decorated with ducks - statues, posters, cartoons, you name it.

Fernando wasn't impressed with the opening band. He said they were pretenders. I agree with him. Before long the musical wonder known as Dread Zeppelin took the stage. Fernando wasn't the only one in the room who had never seen DZ; he and I were really interested to see how the band would pull off combining Led Zeppelin with reggae. Adding to the curiosity, the lead singer is an Elvis impersonator.

You heard me.

Fernando and I were discussing it yesterday and we're still not sure how they do it, but they do, and they do it well. The show is a seamless melding of reggae, Elvis, and Led Zeppelin, including at times extended riffs from The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Kajagoogoo, and tunes from Dirty Dancing, of all things. It's also a running comedy schtick with Tortelvis telling jokes, taking questions from the crowd, and continually tormenting Charlie Haj, the guy who brings him his water and towels during the show. If you ever get the chance, go see this musical phenomenon. It was highly entertaining. At one point early in the show, one of the band members (I called him pale Satan if that tells you anything) took off his pants and never put them back on.

Fernando had a hard time seeing around the big bald heads.

The band stuck around after the show to sign stuff so we bought a CD and got it signed. Fernando and I got to meet Charlie Haj. Charlie is like Ben Carr, the dancing guy in the Mighty Mighty Bosstones - doesn't play an instrument, but adds so much to the show. Don't tell Ben, but I like Charlie better. He kissed my cheek.

Tortelvis, however, only had eyes for the pig. Go figure. Fernando told me later that he was a little scared. He did a good job of hiding it. Such a tough guy.

Fernando had heard LM and I talking about a couple friends who were down the street seeing Wilco at The Pageant and really, really, really wanted to meet up with them for more drinks, but I had to insist on going home because we were looking at a busy Saturday with an early start. He was pretty upset with me until I told him I was taking him there on Tuesday night to see The Kids In The Hall.

Stay tuned!


McGone said...

I would have thought you were a good hostess if you gave him a glass of water and a place to stay, but this is quite the Deluxe Package Treatment for his first night in St. Louis!

amy & jeff said...

We were thrilled to have Fernando join us in my graduation festivities. Despite his drunken outbursts at lunch, we loved having him there and hope he enjoyed the baked goat cheese. I'm not going to eat bacon for a week in his honor.

Red said...

Kermit the Frog may just be the love of my life. Wow, that sounds pretty crazy. I mean, you don't know me; I came for the pig. But I loved him as a child and bought a mini Kermit 12 years ago that's been my mascot ever since. These days, Kermit lives wrapped around the gear shift of my Civic.

WendyB said...

That Fernando is a real boozehog.

Whiskeymarie said...

I can't believe that I'VE never seen Dread Zeppelin, but Fernando has.
That pig is getting a bit spoiled, if you ask me.

Haj Carr said...

Very interesting article...I like to say that this blog again looking too interesting I got a nice and great read on this blog.