Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

A hearty, but not-too-close lest you catch my disease, thanks to all of you who wished me well and offered to come over with soup and stuff while I was sick.  You're awesome and I love you.  Pretty people.

The rest of you guys suck but thanks for coming by and telling jokes and stuff.  I wasn't sure it was possible, but you guys are even funnier with a 103 degree fever.  The highlight of Fever '08 was continually waking up freaking out that there were mice in my house because I kept dreaming it.

I'm feeling better but not great.  I still have a raging headache behind my left eye.  It feels like there's a little man back there clutching my optic nerve with both hands and really putting his ass into pulling it with all of his wee might.  Problem is, it only takes a wee tug for the optic nerve to scream like a little girl.  Wait, do I now have two wee people in my head?  What?  Do I still feel hot to you?  Am I hallucinating again?  Is someone weeing?

Back before I contracted the plague, I had a busy, busy wonderful weekend.  At about 11 on Saturday my two best friends from high school drove the hour and a half from our home town to have lunch with me.  I started brining a pork butt on Thursday and had piled-high, juicy pulled pork sammiches by Saturday lunch, with a side of homemade macaroni salad.  De-lish!  (Email me at guenosdias at prodigy dot net if you'd like the recipes.)

Monica headed home mid-afternoon while Jodi stayed with me until it was time for her to meet her family here in STL for dinner.  She helped me get ready for Entertaining, Round Two:  the first fall dinner party of the season!  (A shocked and impressed intake of breath is appropriate here.  Men, fake it, I'd do it for you.)

Jodi helped me set a beautiful table around which my dinner guests, who arrived about 45 minutes after I dropped Jodi off downtown (see?  busy!), and I sang classics like "Send In The Clowns" at annoying volumes and played with a wooden wine stopper carved in the image of a kerchiefed German hausfrau.

I remember overhearing Frau Henni screeching in a voice very similar to H's, "But you don't need any more wine!" and "What you need is a good fist fucking!"

With all the commotion and monkey fighting you probably feel sorry for me that the meal was was overlooked but you'd be wrong because it was awesome and everybody loved it (me):

pasta carbonara, roasted asparagus and garlic bread
(the garlic bread is from the freezer because that's how I roll - get it?  roll?  yeah.)


Dr Zibbs said...

Glad you're feeling better Gwen. I have a question about the table setting. Who is the person in the small frame? Is that a shrine to someone? Also, food looks tasty. Glad to have you back.

Gwen said...

Doc: It's a shrine to you. Since I didn't know what you looked like I just bought a picture at the antique mall on Cherokee Street and named it Zibbs. We leave a glass of Dewar's on the altar at every party.

MelO said...

Yay! You're back! The world is an awful place without you! Glad you are feeling better!

Confession: I totally make the best homemade garlic bread but buy the frozen stuff all the time.

katrocket said...

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and I'm sorry I didn't send you a "get well soon" card and some soup, but you're right, I do suck. I suck it raw, and I'm at totally at peace with that.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Not to make you paranoid or anything, but Athena was born in Zeus's head. He woke up with a screaming headache and so they had to split his skull open with an axe and out she sprung. The headache had been caused by her poking him with a stick.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

And by stick I mean spear.

Poobomber said...

You're alive, and I feel like someone should write poetry to occasion the fact! Fortunately, that someone is not me.

I hate those effing headaches, I get bouts of them a couple times a year, and they're so bad that I almost feel like writing poetry.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Your table looks awesome! What pattern is that china? I'm such a girly-girl! And really, nothing beats frozen texas toast, except maybe fronzen texas toast with cheese.

MelO said...

OMG! OMG! I LOVE frozen texas toast with cheese!!

lol... awesome.

surviving myself said...

I sent you a cake. Did you get it?

Falwless said...

I missed you, baby. Glad you're back! I sent you a uniformed Middle Easterner to help you get better. Hope you liked him.

Moe Wanchuk said...

glad you're back....I'm slowly recovering from my overdose of Internet porn.

I did some research and I find it impossible that you actually had the plague.
From what I read, my best guess is that you had "The Clap".....and that penicillin or Rid works the best for that.

words words words said...

I'm glad you're better!

And I never get to go to dinner parties. None of my friends can cook. I think I need new friends.