Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

See that button over there in the sidebar? The bright green one that reads, "MY BLOG IS X.XX% BADASS." Well, you can click that button, enter your blog's url, and it will tell you just how badass your blog is. I'm not sure what the highest possible rating is, nor do I officially know the criteria but I suspect it's based on the number of obscenities on your site. I think poobomber invented it; I could ask him but I'd rather find out scientifically.

At the time of posting the meter registered 3.93% badass. I've written a poem cock chock full of curse words and obscenities. In a minute I'm going to hit publish and then run to see what happened to the rating. Vurry scientific, no?

My Badass Poem

Shit hell damn fuck,
cock sucking vagina penis.
Balls and tits on the head of an ass;
whores, sluts,
perverted dildo bastards.

If it works, I invite you to join me in the comments. Blue it up. Let's see how high (low?) we can go. If it doesn't work, I invite you to admire my erotic poetry. Since we're going to be fucking around, I've activated word verification, the Trojan of the Internets.

UPDATE, 11:46 AM:

You guys are cracking me the fuck up! Zibbs, that poem is tits. I've realized, however, that the button doesn't automatically update nor does it register the wonderful profanity you've dropped in the comments like a big turd, which is a total fucking rip-off. Poob should fix that, don't you think?

That said, I am not some lame-ass fucking quitter piece of shit. In order to keep the badass rating soaring skyward today, I vow to come back periodically and post one previously unpublished obscenity for every comment I get. So keep 'em cumming - it's like making a pledge to your local public television station but filthy and your mother would hate it.

So far there are 11 comments. Here goes nothing:

cock ring, dickweed, cunt, asshole, titties, rim job, blow job, hand job, glory hole, nipple, anal


Another six comments and I see things have degraded into felching and fisting. I fucking love you assholes. Here's your next six obscenities:

genital warts, gangbang, son of a bitch, god damn, cum stain, fingerbang

Be sure to cum back later - I came up with some incredibly nasty ones that I want to link to but can't on this computer.


Gwen said...

Totally worked!

McGone said...

Fuckin' A!

MelO said...

Mine was also only in the three percents... or should I say the fucking 3% range? Fuck that bullshit! Don't they know how fucking bad-ass we are?! What a load of steaming hot shit.

It figures someone with a penis made it up ;)

Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!

Poobomber said...

Is there any bounds to your badassery??

(I didn't think so, and I suppose you had burritos or an egg salad sandwich for lunch to account for this, right?)

Amanda said...

Oh MY EYES MY EYES! My blog was only .22% badass. I suppose that's good as I mostly talk about my kids.

Congratulations on your fucking badassery!

Dr Zibbs said...

I needs to get me some tit.
and a wet and throbbing nice clit
gonna get me some pussy
Cause I'm not a big wussy
So give me some of that slit.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Egad! Gadzooks! Chuff-pipe! Frottage! Cockroar!

Sexual relations between two consenting adults!

Did that help?

RW said...

I'm 2.4%. But I use a lot of foreign swear words. From the UK...

Rebekah said...

I drop f-bombs all over the place (especially lately) and I am only one point freaking seventy-five percent badass?!


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I love foul-mouthed, hot women.

Keep it up, Gwen, and we'll see how long I can keep it up!

(I'm hoping sexual innuendo in the comments section helps to badassify one's blog).

MelO said...

@Rebekah; I don't think "freaking" counts as the f-bomb, babe ;)

...just sayin'...

p.s. Gwen... come check out my new bitchin' badass icon... tee hee hee hee sssshhh!! don't tell Dan, the Man!!

Fancy Schmancy said...

I left a pretty vile comment earlier, but it didn't post? As long as comments don't count, I'm not repeating it. We'll let Zibbs be the winner.

words words words said...

1.97%??? Who the fuck do I have to felch to get a little badass love?

Dr Zibbs said...

And one more thing after seeing mJenk's comments, My neighbor - Calhoun - has a crush on you. He reads my blog then clicks through when he sees that you wrote something and always says, "that Gwen is hot."

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

oh, words words words, impressive use of the term felch. Nicely done, sir, nicely done.

MelO said...

This has been a surprisingly educational (fucking) comment section!

Although I wish I could back to the day I did not know what felching was...

H said...

Does fisting count as a dirty word?

mike said...

yeah, uh, I just got here from my google search... this is NOT what I was looking for.

BTW check out my badass icon. (dont tell Poo I messed with it either)

enc said...

Sorry, must run and wash brain out with soap!

Eric said...

George, you will be missed:


And what can be more badass than tits?


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

things have degraded into felching and fisting. I fucking love you assholes.

What an unfortunate pairing of comments...

Side note...the word verification for this is "ruokne". Proof that Michael Jackson is obscene. And badass.

pistols at dawn said...

I never know what to do when I show up to the party and all the felching references have already been made, except maybe mention donkey punches, dirty sanchez, and cleveland steamers.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I just thought that it would be a good time to add that there is a Felch street in Three Rivers, MI.

Mo said...

*clears throat*

schlong face
cream pies

and um...


Yeah, that's all I got.

Eric said...

Call me naïve, but what's the big deal about applying feathers to arrow shafts for aerodynamic stability?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

that's fletching, eric.

Also, I feel it my duty to add here that "tits" is one of those rare words that is exactly unchanged in spelling and meaning from its roots in Old English.

Eric said...

Thank the godness. I thought it was something filthy like men, a some feathers, and a hot glue gun.

The thought of people affixing feathers to their shafts did make me wonder if that proved rule #34 or rule #46 of the internet.

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