See that button over there in the sidebar? The bright green one that reads, "MY BLOG IS X.XX% BADASS." Well, you can click that button, enter your blog's url, and it will tell you just how badass your blog is. I'm not sure what the highest possible rating is, nor do I officially know the criteria but I suspect it's based on the number of obscenities on your site. I think poobomber invented it; I could ask him but I'd rather find out scientifically.
At the time of posting the meter registered 3.93% badass. I've written a poem cock chock full of curse words and obscenities. In a minute I'm going to hit publish and then run to see what happened to the rating. Vurry scientific, no?
My Badass Poem
Shit hell damn fuck,
cock sucking vagina penis.
Balls and tits on the head of an ass;
whores, sluts,
perverted dildo bastards.
If it works, I invite you to join me in the comments. Blue it up. Let's see how high (low?) we can go. If it doesn't work, I invite you to admire my erotic poetry. Since we're going to be fucking around, I've activated word verification, the Trojan of the Internets.
UPDATE, 11:46 AM:
You guys are cracking me the fuck up! Zibbs, that poem is tits. I've realized, however, that the button doesn't automatically update nor does it register the wonderful profanity you've dropped in the comments like a big turd, which is a total fucking rip-off. Poob should fix that, don't you think?
That said, I am not some lame-ass fucking quitter piece of shit. In order to keep the badass rating soaring skyward today, I vow to come back periodically and post one previously unpublished obscenity for every comment I get. So keep 'em cumming - it's like making a pledge to your local public television station but filthy and your mother would hate it.
So far there are 11 comments. Here goes nothing:
cock ring, dickweed, cunt, asshole, titties, rim job, blow job, hand job, glory hole, nipple, anal
UPDATE 5:10 PM
Another six comments and I see things have degraded into felching and fisting. I fucking love you assholes. Here's your next six obscenities:
genital warts, gangbang, son of a bitch, god damn, cum stain, fingerbang
Be sure to cum back later - I came up with some incredibly nasty ones that I want to link to but can't on this computer.
We're watching you.
Wanna make out?
- Gwen
- One part sarcastic, one part naughty, and all parts awesome. ~ St. Louis, MO ~ You can email me at guenosdias847 at gmail dot com.
I'M A FIRECROTCH!
November 2010 was itchy.
TWTWTB, an award
Thanks, MLS! Be careful you don't papercut your nose with that kick-ass sign.
Official Award of EILCC
Designed by Soda and Candy
Totally made of win.
Thanks, I'm Not Benny!
That ain't no lie.
The award I give myself every Friday.
Cowguy Tippin'
I've been photochopped! Click here to check it out!
An Award From Mike
MONKEY SWORD FIGHT: There is no fucking way you can be cooler than this picture.
Gifties
Thanks, Princess Soda!
Can't Touch This
Because I'm awesome.
27 comments:
Totally worked!
Fuckin' A!
Mine was also only in the three percents... or should I say the fucking 3% range? Fuck that bullshit! Don't they know how fucking bad-ass we are?! What a load of steaming hot shit.
It figures someone with a penis made it up ;)
Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!
Is there any bounds to your badassery??
(I didn't think so, and I suppose you had burritos or an egg salad sandwich for lunch to account for this, right?)
Oh MY EYES MY EYES! My blog was only .22% badass. I suppose that's good as I mostly talk about my kids.
Congratulations on your fucking badassery!
I needs to get me some tit.
and a wet and throbbing nice clit
gonna get me some pussy
Cause I'm not a big wussy
So give me some of that slit.
Egad! Gadzooks! Chuff-pipe! Frottage! Cockroar!
Sexual relations between two consenting adults!
Did that help?
I'm 2.4%. But I use a lot of foreign swear words. From the UK...
I drop f-bombs all over the place (especially lately) and I am only one point freaking seventy-five percent badass?!
LIES!
I love foul-mouthed, hot women.
Keep it up, Gwen, and we'll see how long I can keep it up!
(I'm hoping sexual innuendo in the comments section helps to badassify one's blog).
@Rebekah; I don't think "freaking" counts as the f-bomb, babe ;)
...just sayin'...
p.s. Gwen... come check out my new bitchin' badass icon... tee hee hee hee sssshhh!! don't tell Dan, the Man!!
I left a pretty vile comment earlier, but it didn't post? As long as comments don't count, I'm not repeating it. We'll let Zibbs be the winner.
1.97%??? Who the fuck do I have to felch to get a little badass love?
And one more thing after seeing mJenk's comments, My neighbor - Calhoun - has a crush on you. He reads my blog then clicks through when he sees that you wrote something and always says, "that Gwen is hot."
oh, words words words, impressive use of the term felch. Nicely done, sir, nicely done.
This has been a surprisingly educational (fucking) comment section!
Although I wish I could back to the day I did not know what felching was...
Does fisting count as a dirty word?
yeah, uh, I just got here from my google search... this is NOT what I was looking for.
BTW check out my badass icon. (dont tell Poo I messed with it either)
Sorry, must run and wash brain out with soap!
George, you will be missed:
Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits
And what can be more badass than tits?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLD31GPt46w
things have degraded into felching and fisting. I fucking love you assholes.
What an unfortunate pairing of comments...
Side note...the word verification for this is "ruokne". Proof that Michael Jackson is obscene. And badass.
I never know what to do when I show up to the party and all the felching references have already been made, except maybe mention donkey punches, dirty sanchez, and cleveland steamers.
I just thought that it would be a good time to add that there is a Felch street in Three Rivers, MI.
*clears throat*
schlong face
buttmunch
cream pies
and um...
assalingus
Yeah, that's all I got.
Call me naïve, but what's the big deal about applying feathers to arrow shafts for aerodynamic stability?
that's fletching, eric.
Also, I feel it my duty to add here that "tits" is one of those rare words that is exactly unchanged in spelling and meaning from its roots in Old English.
Thank the godness. I thought it was something filthy like men, a some feathers, and a hot glue gun.
The thought of people affixing feathers to their shafts did make me wonder if that proved rule #34 or rule #46 of the internet.
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