A week or so ago my ex-husband friended me on Facebook. In and of itself, not a big deal - we forgave each other a long time ago and truly are friends again. I even helped him through his last heartbreak.
When I checked out his profile he had five friends: me, his current wife, his mom, his dad, and a friend whose hair had turned so white over the past 10 years that I didn't recognize him. At the time he was NEW to Facebook so I shouldn't have giggled that his wives and his parents were his friends, but I did. (I just checked his profile - he has more friends now, as I suspected he would. I also found out he has two sons and I only knew about one.)
Anyhow, the point of this post is that shortly after he friended me I got an Inbox message from his wife. That threw me for a loop. She didn't friend me - just sent a message - but when I first saw who it was from I couldn't imagine what she might have to say to me. Her message was actually very nice. She said it was nice to finally put a face to "the Gwen I have heard about." (Dear Baby Jesus, don't let her check out my pictures or find my blog. Thank you and Amen.)
But one sentence confounded me:
"I want to thank you for filling out those papers for EX so that he could do his Catholic stuff."
HUH?
I don't remember filling out any paperwork and this can only mean I agreed to annul my marriage. Right?
I suppose at the time I didn't mind the idea and can't think of any rational reason why I should care now, but I do. My marriage happened, damn it. I have pictures and a marriage license and a divorce decree to prove it. I have a small pain in my heart about it's demise to prove it. I have a diamond solitaire necklace made from my engagement ring to prove it.
MY MARRIAGE HAPPENED, DAMN IT!!
Because if it didn't, I'm an old maid.
29 comments:
I know exactly how you feel!! Pretending it never happened would be a slap in the face, I get that. The battle scars came from something, so, dammit, own it, right? But an old maid? Nah!!
I have actually ended up making friends with my exhusband's new wife in real life because, really, only she and I can truly feel each others pain when it comes to crap that man does. We go to bat for each other often. We stand up for each other. We stand up to him together...and, lord help him, he can NEVER win. When she and I are on the same side, the poor boy doesn't stand a chance! It's actually kind of funny!
I don't know if this will help, but, in the United States and whatever state you live in and were married in, it did happen.
It only didn't happen in the Vatican's record books.
I think I just put some sunscreen on a third-degree burn, but I'm trying my best to help. No, don't throw that vase at me!!!
It didn't happen in the same way that the Pope was never a member of the Hitler Youth.
In other words, it really effing happened. Also, Catholicism is weird.
Did you read Swistle this week? WEIRD!
http://swistle.blogspot.com/2009/02/retro-vent.html
Her spouse had her marriage annulled years ago and she's still venting about it and had much the same to say as you!
That? No, that's not a wedding picture. That's a bit of "performance art" I did for a while.
Oh, the diamond? I got to keep some of the props after the show's run ended.
Reunion tour? My sources say, "No"
I don't really understand the Catholic bit, maybe because I'm British and don't know nada about Catholicism, or maybe just because I'm generally clueless.
Anyway, chances are if you have a link to your blog on the facebook profile she could stumble upon it, but i'm going to assume that you don't have that link!
mo.stoneskin - You know what they say about why you shouldn't "ASS-U-ME", right?
Keeping your engagement ring stone as a necklace is one of the coolest ideas I have ever heard. I was briefly engaged to my son's mother... I bought her an insanely expensive ring (way more than I would ever do again) and she PAWNED it for about 2% of its value. I wish you were my ex wife. whoa. That came out wrong.
Either way, I put a monkey picture on my blog to cheer you up.
Squee! Monkey!
I heart Mike. I'd be his ex-wife.
OH TOTALLY. Totally. Annulment is TER DUMBEST.
I do take some comfort in what Mjenks points out: that it's only a church-record thing, not the same as a government-style (like what Britney Spears got for her Las Vegas marriage and what Renee Zellweger got from that country singer) annulment. Who cares what the Catholic Church thinks? ...Okay, fine, I DO.
Also, even more interesting, it sounds like maybe he forged your agreement to it??
i guess technically i am an old maid and there is NOTHING wrong with that. however, your marriage absolutely happened. sadly it ended, but it was a reality. you have every right to feel exactly as you do.
while it shouldn't matter to me, i am so angry that your ex might have had someone forge your signature.
i hate that annulment bullshit.
I grew up Catholic but now I'm agnostic. The annullment is the biggest BS ever.
I'm certain he didn't forge my signature. I just forgot it happened. I probably signed the papers to convince myself I didn't care.
I don't agree with the Catholic Churchs' stance on that either, and I'm really glad that my current husband also doesn't (even though he was raised Catholic and his mother and sister are still practicing Catholics). He and I have both been divorced once, so I can't imagine the hoops we would have had to go through just to get married. Stupid, that's what I think it is.
I don't think papers can ever replace things that actually happened, no matter what the people who mutter their thoughts to an invisible sky giant say. After all, they think that eating the transubstantiated flesh of a 2,000 year old zombie is the ticket to salvation, so I wouldn't put too much stock in their opinions.
I'm sure if you remember being married, it probably happened. Aliens can give us false memories, but they tend to revolve around not having an anal probe and stuff. They don't tend to be around weddings.
Awesome that you posted that "award" over there--->
It is almost ironic that by adding the picture to your blog, now you ARE cooler than the picture. Nice work.
I like pistols at dawn's and the imaginary reviewer's humorous approach to this.
I'm still chuckling!
Odd, though, that he never told you about the second son. Somehow, that seems like the kind of thing one might mention...
Let me start by saying I'm a good Catholic girl. Ahem. Cough, cough, bullshit, cough cough.
Let me finish by saying according to the Catholic Church, a LOT OF THINGS DIDN'T HAPPEN...
I'm. Just. Sayin'.
I hate Facebook if only for the possibility of just such life ruining cans of worms being opened.
If you don't remember agreeing to an annulment and that means that he perhaps lied or forged the paperwork to get back into the church, then the life ruining possibilites are endless here. Ended marriage, excommunication, bastardizing of children...
Nice work Facebook.
Oops - didn't read far enough down in the comments before shooting my mouth (fingers) off.
WTF, what CENTURY are they living in???? Annulment after a couple of days, or a drunken mistake, maybe. Nulling and voiding a substantial chunk of your life, NOT COOL!
LOL That's pretty freakin' awesome stuff Gwen.
I saw my ex on my daughter's facebook. There's about 1800 miles between us right now, closing that distance via a "friendship" on facebook is not an option for me.
3600 miles would be better.
This is a good post.
Not being religious and certainly not being Catholic, I don't really understand annulment. I thought an annulment could only happen if you had never consumated the marriage. I'm going to have to do some googling to set this straight!
F-that old maid shit! Nothin old about you my dear.
WTF-Ohh, my Irish is up now! What was that???? Are you kidding me? The wife want's to thank you for filling out the paperwork for the EX????
Oh please...she had nothing else to say to you-that's the best she came up with???
If it's true-then someone forged your name and that's FRAUD. Maybe this is just the universe's way of letting you know you did the right thing by ending that marriage.
Sorry for the rant.
Hey, I'm an old maid. It's not so bad. Join usssss...mwah ha ha ha!!!
Obviously I'm way behind in my reader.
Anyway, I hear you about the annulment crap. My ex let me know he was doing & I said I'd have no part in it. I'm not sure if he actually went through with the paperwork.
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