Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

3/02/2009

I'll be damned.

Posted by Gwen |

A kid in California convinced the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors to proclaim the first week of March - this week - to be "No Cussing Week."  Apparently he made a deal with God to never have sex in exchange for his hamster's life and this is his way of ensuring Puddles lives another day.

My favorite part of the article I read is the paragraph that discusses the harassment he's endured at the hands of low-life shitbag pro-cussers (like you and you and you and ME!) but then tells us exactly where this little pussy will be on Wednesday:
When his No Cussing Club meets at South Pasadena High School on Wednesdays [at 2 p.m. in the south gymnasium; the turdlet wears a queer-bait purple coat] it's not unusual for a nonmember to throw open the door and fire off a torrent of four-letter words. He's also been the target of organized harassment by pro-cussers.
[added by classmates]

As soon as I read the article I called Miss Cleo and for only $19.95 she foretold one fucking beat-down after another for "that asshole" -  her term, not mine.  The article goes on to say that he hopes to spread this shit worldwide.  Who wants to lay odds that the first word out of his pretty little mouth the first time he gets hit is, "Fuck!"?

24 comments:

Scope said...

Gwen, I'm having a bloggidy flash back. I'm not sure my soul can take another week of felching, tossed salads, and Cleveland steamers.

But I bet the pansy goes with, "Golly gee, you poo-poo heads, stop hitting my in my thingy."

Chemgeek said...

I agree with the little shit but in a different way. Cuss words shouldn't be used willy-nilly. They should be used creatively and for a purpose. Like at the end of a sentence, fuck.

mo.stoneskin said...

I've always believed that hamsters are a powerful tool of leverage.

Most people don't realise this, and miss out on all sorts of opportunities.

Actually, hamsters feature in a lot of blackmarket deals and frequently are used in underground trading.

katrocket said...

I do agree that kids shouldn't cuss, but that kid should probably shut the fuck up if he wants to make it out of high school in one piece.

Son of a Thomas said...

"I won't have sex if you leave me with my hamster!"

Anybody else see where that hamster is going?

LM said...

My niece goes to S. Pasadena High. She better not be going to that fucking meeting.

The Imaginary Reviewer said...

No Cussing Week? The best fucking idea I've ever fucking heard.

Cowguy said...

I couldn't stop giggling after "queer bait purple coat"

LOL I'm still all mirthed up.

words words words said...

I actually admire the kid. There's way stupider things he could get (has been) beaten up for.

The real villain here is God, who surely has more important things to do than go around sparing the lives of hamsters. Seriously, those little motherfuckers live like six months anyway, and nobody can tell them the hell apart.

Whiskeymarie said...

I would sell my hamster's soul to Satan to be able to hear the club's "hip hop" song.
Fucking losers.

Stacie said...

it is just fucking ridiculous...let's start our own club of cussers and pounce on his sorry little sissy fucking ass.

seriously.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Yeah, let me know how this turns out!! RIGHT!! No swearing in CA. That'll happen.

Happy Tuesday!

- Jennifer

Some Guy said...

I'm intrigued by what a meeting of the No Cussing Club looks like. I mean, once you get past the fact that you all agree not to cuss, what the fuck else is there left to talk about?

Dr Zibbs said...

Fuck that Sperm swallowig dick lickin', ass eatin' bullsthit.

Giggle Pixie said...

I better toss some coins into the cuss bank, 'cause I know I'll slip and say some swear words during that week! :-)

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Of course there's no cussing in the No Cussing Club - they are way to busy sucking donkey cocks.

The other night I was telling my husband about a conversation I had at work and I said "I don't remember exactly what I said", to which he replied "My flower I'm sure it was witty and wise - or inappropriate and foul enough to make a long haul trucker blush"

Sass said...

You know what other kids I don't understand?

High school boys who have sex with their hot female English teachers, and then cry to their parents.

I'm just sayin'.

Did I cross the line there?

Fuck it.

BeckEye said...

To quote Liz Lemon, "I want to go to there." Just so I can teach those little turds a few words that would make their pubes curl.

Sass said...

*heh heh*...she said "pubes curl."

That's hot. Like, H.O. double T.

Suze said...

Gwen, have a little fuckin' respect for the damn nerd and his fucking hamster. Shit - it's Lent. Where's your fucking' compassion?

hello haha narf said...

cockclappinmonkeyfucker!!

Grant Miller said...

God bless!

The Snarky Card Chick said...

Dude,

Let the kid have his no-cuss rebellion. I was the secretary of The Christian Club when I was in high school.

And now look at me. I've slept with more than 80 people. I've been a bar-hag for going on 10 years. I make my living helping people dump or hook up with each other and a good portion of my workday consists of drunkenly listening to people's nasty ass-secrets.

Sometimes in order to get to the good stuff, you have to go through a little nerdy-goody-two-shoe-shit.

Just think how hard-core his ultimate rebellion will be!

Fancy Schmancy said...

Is the non-fucking cussing week fucking over with already? Goddammit, one more fucking day!

Subscribe