On my way to work this morning I was listening to NPR and heard that Egypt was planning to slaughter all of the 300,000 pigs in their country as a preventative measure against swine flu. I honestly didn't believe at the time that their idiotic plan would come to fruition, that someone with a lick of sense would put a swift end to it.
I was wrong.
I just read over my lunch hour that the slaughter has begun. Not surprisingly, Egyptian farmers are pissed and throwing rocks. Those pigs are likely all these men possess, the currency and lifeblood of their existence, and they will do anything to protect them. I predict this situation will get worse before it gets better. Being a humanitarian, I would now like to address the people in charge of Egypt . . .
Um, Egyptian dudes? Listen to me closely . . .
- There have been NO reported cases of swine flu in your country.
- Swine flu is not contracted from pigs; it's called that because it started as a porcine virus but it has mutated into a human one. YOU CAN'T GET SWINE FLU FROM PIGS.
- And, dare I say it, your former King Herod tried this slaughter move a long time ago with baby boys and it didn't work out so well for y'all in the end. Remember Moses? Yeah.
Don't make me come over there.
If I have to come over there, it's going to be a whole lot worse for you.
I mean it.
I'm giving you until the count of three.
One . . . .
Two . . . .
Aw, damn it, I'm going to have to get up and come over there, aren't I?
*muttering as I get up from my cushy office chair* Jackasses.