Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

Hey-hey, party people! It's been a while, hasn't it? It might have been too long this time because being here feels a little awkward and scary, like walking into an abandoned building. There's even a dank, musty smell in here but that might be my feet.

Anyway, it's good to be back and I hope there are still more than three of you around because I feel like I might be back for good. That and today Whiskeymarie pledged to post every day for a week and I can't have that bitch showing me up and winning your affection.

Speaking of dank, musty smells in abandoned places (that's a joke about the sad state of my love life - before this week), I have a date tomorrow night! Very exciting stuff. I'm trying to stay cool about it, though, because I like this guy and I don't want to be a total spazz. I have very little dating experience: I had one boyfriend during the first three years of high school, I married my college sweetheart, and I dated/lived with my last boyfriend for almost five years. What can I say? I'm a serial monogamist. I don't consider that a bad thing, but being one has left me ill-prepared for dating at 40, which is exponentially harder than dating at 20. Or 30.

I understand that dates are just opportunities for people to spend time together in order to determine if they want to spend more time together and that it's okay to NOT want to spend more time together, but I get so worked up about the whole business that my heart races and I can't concentrate which leads to inappropriate giggling and talking too loud. I think dating should start with laying around in pajamas, reading newspapers and watching movies together, and progress over time into dinners and movies. I mean, wouldn't it be easier to start out in your most comfortable zone and more logical to eat in public and see a movie AFTER you've grown bored with one another? I don't know, but it makes sense to me.

So yeah, a date. Squee. And so far? No anxiety. Like I said, I like this guy: he's cute, we're in the same profession, we come from similar backgrounds, he's easy to talk to and he makes me laugh - hard. The only thing weighing on my mind now is that this morning I woke up from a dream in which I had a terrible, painful sore throat only to discover that I actually did have a sore throat. I spent time with my favorite kids on Sunday and I was lovin' on 'em all day so I'm 75% certain that I am coming down with something. There's an 85% chance of kissing tomorrow. I'm not telling him.


Renaissance Woman said...

Welcome back! I can't wait to hear about your date. And love that there is an 85% chance of kissing. Have fun!

Anonymous said...

Alright! That is awesome- I can't wait to hear all about it ;)

Elliott said...

Yay for posting, double yay for kissing.

The downside to your cunning plan of starting out in your pajamas in a non-public place with someone you barely know is how much harder it is to weed out the psycho ax murderers before they're in your home.

But otherwise, right on.

SkylersDad said...

Take your plan to it's logical extreme. When you meet somebody you are interested in, the very first thing you have to do is live with them for a week. After that, if you can still stand the sight/smell/sound of each other, proceed to dating!

Have fun Gwennie, I expect a full written report to go into my file of you alongside the aerial photos...

Scope said...

Have a GR8 D8!

And if the chance of kissing is 85%, what is the chance "second base"? ;-)

Word Ver "hismarm" Guess you are going to be educating the boy.

Char said...

Good to see you're back. Enjoy your date and return to tell us all about it.


Cora said...

Y'know, I kinda felt the same way when I was first meeting Scope. I had gotten married reeeaaallllyyyyy young and then separated about a year later and then spent the next 12 years hiding from men just in case they were all as psycho as my ex.

Better to be safe and terribly lonely than sorry, I thought.

But then Scope came into my world and I knew this was someone I HAD TO get to know, and the only thing that scared me was what a dating rookie I knew I was.

Well, that and the fact I hadn't had sex in sooooooooooooooo lonnnnnngggggggggggg and I didn't know if I even remembered how. Is it like riding a bike? If so, do I need a helmet?

I wondered if that would freak him out and frighten him off, so I actually warned him via email first, which sounds HILARIOUS now.


But Scope wasn't scared off. He's such a brave, brave soul. :-) And, seriously, meeting Scope is the best choice I've ever made!!

So, don't you worry, my dear. If he's smart, he'll see what a gorgeous, sexy, funny, brilliant, amazing chick you are and he won't care how short your dating resume is. Not at all.

Go get him!

mo.stoneskin said...

You shouldn't tell him. How he reacts to the "man flu" that results will tell you a great deal about him.

Eva Gallant said...

I like your approach to dating; I felt that way at one point in my life. Sleep with the guy on the first date, and then decide if it's worth getting to know him! What a slut I was back then! lol Good luck and I'm dying to hear how it all turns out!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Good luck. And don't fart!

Whiskeymarie said...

Crap- does this mean that I have to go on a date now too? Fine. I'll see if one of the janitors at work will take one for the team. The things I do for you- sheesh.

And what mjenks said, except I totally think you SHOULD fart.

Pat said...

Are you dating a psycho?
Dating Psychos is a place to post what you know about your ex psychos

Click Here to Add and Check Out the Psychos


words...words...words... said...

Yay, you're back! And with news!

I think all women should make public the chance of kissage on the first date. It would really put us men at ease. Unless it's like 3%. Prudes.

Boomer Pie said...

Dating...scares the daylights out of me. Good luck to ya. Who knows--maybe you'll find your valentine. I signed up to follow you cuz I like your "cumquat" humor. Stop by and see the Super Bowl of Love at my place: http://www.boomerpie.com/

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm here. And one reminder. "Get links next time baby. Get links"

Remember that classic?