Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've been convinced to write a new post on Dec. 2. Stay tuned!

3/17/2010

Butterbean Stinkaroo!

Posted by Gwen | Labels:

Just some stuff . . .

  • The wedding was beautiful and awesome and oh-so-much fun. So far no one else has shared any pictures (what's up with that? share the goods, people) and I'm behind the camera in all of mine, so I don't have anything worth sharing. Yet. Stay tuned.
  • I left the heat on today and the house was stifling when I got home so I opened the doors and some windows. I'm listening to the birds right now.
  • I'm also listening to the poor dog next door scratch on the aluminum storm door with his sharp little nails. Think fingernails on a chalkboard. Dog, you're ruining my spring jubilation. They're not going to let you in - they never do - so go lay down.
  • My daffodils are about six inches high (I predict blooms by the weekend if it stays sunny) and the hyacinth are blooming. While this adds to my spring jubilation it also reminds me that I have to get that grow center started in the basement, stat.
  • I'm making tuna helper for dinner tonight (I know! Fancy!) and when I needed to open the packet of powdered cheese I realized I left my kitchen shears at the Dinner Club hosts' house this weekend. And since I got acrylic nails for the wedding it was a bitch to open. I almost ended up in a cloud of cheese.
  • I'm thinking about taking an improv class.
  • I also just realized that the coming of spring means cat puke season. Sweet! (Can I get away with not feeding them again until May?)
  • Monday night I was sitting on the couch when I heard a car pull up in front of the house really fast and stop. And then I heard three distinct gunshots. Last night I heard my neighbors outside talking about it but I couldn't really hear what they were saying and I was too unshowered to join the discussion. I hope it's nice this weekend so I can get outside and get the scoop.
  • I found a post-it note in my coffee table drawer and on it I had written, "Butterbean Stinkaroo!" I suspect it was one of those "what's your pirate name" thingies, but for the life of me I can't figure out what kind of name "Butterbean Stinkaroo" is, and why I was so excited about it. Maybe because it's so awe-some.
  • I wanted to get a 12-pack of Pepsi (cans) at the store tonight but they didn't have any. None. They had cherry and diet and no caffeine (what the what?!) and something else, but no regular unleaded. I think that's weird.

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2/10/2010

*creeeeeeeeaaak!*

Posted by Gwen | Labels: , ,

Hey-hey, party people! It's been a while, hasn't it? It might have been too long this time because being here feels a little awkward and scary, like walking into an abandoned building. There's even a dank, musty smell in here but that might be my feet.

Anyway, it's good to be back and I hope there are still more than three of you around because I feel like I might be back for good. That and today Whiskeymarie pledged to post every day for a week and I can't have that bitch showing me up and winning your affection.





Speaking of dank, musty smells in abandoned places (that's a joke about the sad state of my love life - before this week), I have a date tomorrow night! Very exciting stuff. I'm trying to stay cool about it, though, because I like this guy and I don't want to be a total spazz. I have very little dating experience: I had one boyfriend during the first three years of high school, I married my college sweetheart, and I dated/lived with my last boyfriend for almost five years. What can I say? I'm a serial monogamist. I don't consider that a bad thing, but being one has left me ill-prepared for dating at 40, which is exponentially harder than dating at 20. Or 30.

I understand that dates are just opportunities for people to spend time together in order to determine if they want to spend more time together and that it's okay to NOT want to spend more time together, but I get so worked up about the whole business that my heart races and I can't concentrate which leads to inappropriate giggling and talking too loud. I think dating should start with laying around in pajamas, reading newspapers and watching movies together, and progress over time into dinners and movies. I mean, wouldn't it be easier to start out in your most comfortable zone and more logical to eat in public and see a movie AFTER you've grown bored with one another? I don't know, but it makes sense to me.

So yeah, a date. Squee. And so far? No anxiety. Like I said, I like this guy: he's cute, we're in the same profession, we come from similar backgrounds, he's easy to talk to and he makes me laugh - hard. The only thing weighing on my mind now is that this morning I woke up from a dream in which I had a terrible, painful sore throat only to discover that I actually did have a sore throat. I spent time with my favorite kids on Sunday and I was lovin' on 'em all day so I'm 75% certain that I am coming down with something. There's an 85% chance of kissing tomorrow. I'm not telling him.

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8/18/2009

Gwednesday Announcements

Posted by Gwen | Labels: ,

1. I recently received a package of UK sweeties from UK sweetie Girl Interrupted. I'm always excited when packages arrive (who isn't?) but when I saw who it was from I shook my ass and hooted and jumped up and down a little. Okay, a lot. And I might have squealed, too. Whatever. Anyway, I wanted to write a show-off post to make you jealous of me but other things like pedicures and parties have gotten in the way. So be jealous, okay? Because I got candy and cookies and . . . my very own jelly to bite, which I did immediately. She even sent treats for my kitties. She clearly likes me better than you.


2. My friend Leslie and I went to Shakespeare again last week and saw Twelfth Night. It was great. I'd write a mini review but fellow STL blogger Bridget said everything I had to say and did it better than I would have. Plus I don't feel like it (see laziness above.)



This picture has nothing to do with Shakespeare or duplicitous lovers but we got silly on the walk to the theater that night and took it. Enjoy it.

She and I are having so much fun going to these shows that we've decided to continue doing it after the Shakespeare season is over and to call ourselves The Culture Club. I hope we wear way too much eye shadow.











3. Described in the post below, the "working brunch" I hosted on Sunday was a smash. We only planned to rearrange my living room but ended up doing the entire first floor and the guest room. By simply rearranging things I already owned, we transformed this place. It may sound weird but I've been more productive this week and I think it's because those gals of mine feng shui'd my ass while I was making eggamuffin sammiches and drinking mimosas.

This is the part of this week's announcements where I bore some of you with mediocre pictures of my house that I snapped on the way out the door this morning.
  • The entry. This poor room was never a room. It was where I dumped furniture that was functional but that didn't have a real home. Don't get me wrong, it was nice - it had a table and a comfy chair - but it wasn't fulfilling its special purpose which we discovered is to be a bar, drawing guests into roomier parts of the house that never see traffic during parties.
EILCC, where cats with lasers for eyes guard the front door.
  • The living room, formerly populated by a huge queen size sofa bed that is now on the front porch. (Not permanently, you freaks. I'm trying to give it away. Want a couch? Come get it.) With the couch out the room is roomier, and I was finally able to pull all my mission pieces together so they are actually noticeable.
Beautiful wood, as far as the eye can see.
(That's what she said.)
  • Speaking of the crowded dining room, a couple weekends ago when I had 16 people over for a crab boil I learned that there was waaaay too much furniture in there. On Sunday we moved the sidetable (pictured in the entry above) out of here and shifted everything to make a wide, clear path around the table.

And finally . . .

4. I did not get the wellies that I consulted you about in this post. Z (my former roomie) and I made a deal that I would get them if ten of you said I should, and you did, but they were gone when I went to get them. I was clearly on the fence about them when I wrote the post but now that I can't have them, I can't stop thinking about them. Rat farts.

That's it for today. Have an awesome Gwednesday, monkeys.

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7/23/2009

Gwednesday Announcements, a day late

Posted by Gwen | Labels:

  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY VERY DEAR CORA!!!!!! Sugar, I hope you have the best berfday weekend in the history of mankind. Tell Scope I said hi, assuming the two of you come up for air at any point in time over the weekend. Y'all should go wish her a happy-happy because I said so.

  • A while back my friend Leslie and I decided to class our asses up, formed a two-woman Shakespeare Club and bought season tickets to St. Louis Shakespeare. (Special thanks to my pop for the birthday money that bought my tickets!) Tonight is our first foray into classical theater with Merchant of Venice. She just called a minute ago to say she found a gastropub around the corner from the theater called Wm. Shakespeare's. It doesn't get great reviews but we've decided that we just have to go get our English on before the show. I mean, I won't likely be eating kidneys or a meat platter anyway and they can't really screw up fish and chips, can they?

  • Speaking of getting your English on, you should also go check out how Girl Interrupted spent last evening. I still giggle thinking about dropping the eff bomb in front of her mom and grandpa from thousands of miles away. Hee, hee!

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7/15/2009

Gwednesday Announcements

Posted by Gwen | Labels: ,

1. For those of you participating in the "design this Kim Jong Il blog award" contest, or for those of you who want to, you have until midnight Sunday (in my time zone, central) to submit. I'll announce my pick Monday. Or Tuesday. Or when I feel like it. I've loved everything submitted so far so keep it up! Make me laugh, monkeys.


2. I'm going to eat tacos and a peach for lunch. The tacos are for mah belly but the peach is for peace.

3. I'm getting a wife on Saturday! My gorgeous friend Zana needs a place to stay for a week or so until she moves to Scottsdale and has accepted my guest room as temporary quarters. She keeps threatening to make dinner every night and to clean and to finish the rehab project I started in my stairwell two years ago but never finished. I keep threatening to tie her to her bed while she's sleeping so she can't leave us.

4. I'm going to kill the mother fucker who keeps shutting off the ice maker at work.

5. I mailed a very special package of goodies to Girl Interrupted last night. I had to mail it first class so heaven only knows when it will arrive but I can't wait until she opens it. Hee hee.

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