Everything I Like Causes Cancer

Where we've just about had it with this week.

11/12/2010

Let me start by saying (ASSCAKES!) I love you . . .

Posted by Gwen | Labels:

I have a friend who must spend countless hours scouring the In'ernets for amusement because I regularly get emails directing me to his hilarious finds. The most recent of these is a website hosted by a man named Guy who has both Tourette's syndrome and Asberger's syndrome and uses karaoke as therapy.


Now, before anyone gets all pissy with me for posting here about Guy, bear in mind that he makes it clear on his site that he knows what he does is funny. He intentionally records songs on days when his tics are abundant. We're not laughing at Guy; we're laughing with him. Besides, if you spend any amount of time on his site, Tourette's Karaoke, you'll learn quite a bit about what it's like to have these conditions and how Guy copes with them. In addition to being hilarious, it's informative.

But you don't visit EILCC to learn things, you come here to be amused and today Guy is the guy who's going to deliver the funny. I chose this particular video because the cursing peppered through the sappy love lyrics is comedy gold.

Take it away, Guy:



I'm especially fond of this one because I'm a child and I love to get you in unconventional ways. Happy Friday, monkeys! Fuck off!

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11/05/2010

Living Out Loud

Posted by Gwen | Labels:

Walking into last night's spin class I had no idea that it would be the last one led by my favorite instructor. I was blissfully unaware of the torture I was about to endure. Apparently a full-time job and being a single dad leaves him little time to abuse us twice a week.


I was really sad when he made the announcement because he's the only instructor who motivates me to give it everything I've got. If you don't leave it all on the bike in his class, you're a loser who should attend a different class so someone else who's serious can have a bike in his class.

Halfway through, or what I thought was halfway because we ended up doing an extra 15 minutes, I was regretting having made his last class. We did everything in double-time, at high resistance. There were a couple times I thought I would puke and I was gasping like a fish out of water through the entire thing. He made us do three 1-minute sprints punctuated with 1-count jumps during the second "one last song."

I'm walking like a hooker at the end of Navy Week today, but I'm invigorated by the pain. So often we get bogged down by work and home and family - life in general - that we forget to push ourselves; we become complacent and lazy. I'm not just talking about physical complacency, but social and emotional as well. Last night's work-out not only pushed my body, but my mind.

Today I plan to live out loud: I'm going to be the best employee, friend, daughter, sister, and cousin I can be. I'm going to embrace the day as if it might be my last and refuse to simply go through the motions. I'm going to tackle that work project that's been hanging over my head like a storm cloud. I'm going to drive tonight so a friend who had a tough week can blow off steam. I'm going to do those dishes that have been in the sink since Sunday. I'm going to finish this post even though I keep losing my wi-fi connection. I'm going to . . .

Ooh! There's a Doctor Who marathon stored in my DVR? Never mind. Forget I said anything.

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11/02/2010

What did you see at The Polling Alley?

Posted by Gwen | Labels: ,

This post was originally published 11/03/08 but is still (mostly) relevant.
Don't forget to vote! Enjoy the game!

This election season has been unceasingly tedious. I've actually grown accustomed to being bombarded by it and thinking about it at all times. The theme changes - the candidates, voter registration, the debates, my love/hate relationship with Sarah Palin - you name it, I've considered it.

Today I thought about the voting process itself, things like what I should wear . . . should I take a raincoat since last time I got caught in the rain and had to pee . . . not that taking a raincoat would solve anything if I had to pee . . . should I go in the morning before work (vote, not pee) . . . should I go after work . . . yeah again vote, not pee . . . should I take a book in case the line is long . . . do they allow iPods?. . . I bet not.

This went on for a while and then my feeble mind wandered back to silly things like this image that someone sent me today, a Wal*Mart Bingo Card:



A card that rewards you for witnessing an artificial voicebox and puts the pleasure back into catching the scent of someone with unbearable body odor. (Clicking the image makes it bigger so you can see some of the other fine items you're to spot for the win.)

And then it came to me in a flash - like all my genius ideas do - why not marry the two ideas? The Wal*Mart Bingo card in polling alleys across the nation . . . it's the perfect voting accessory! All you have to do is print up your very own game card and you're all set for "good times in the votin' lines" over there at the [insert where you vote here].

I recommend you print it tonight (now) and put it over there on the table with your voter registration card. That way you won't forget to take it with you and get all mad when the line is long and you've got nothing to do but think about how you wish you'd done what I told you to do.

Also, take a pen.

I'd like to hear back about any egregious sightings. If anyone actually completes a row I might consider giving said person a prize of my choosing.

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