Everything I Like Causes Cancer

I’m not the kind of blogger that gets asked to review products. Something about vulgar immaturity and swears. Whatever. BUT! When I find something that is more awesome than I ever imagined possible, I’m going to tell y’all about it whether they want me to or not. I’m just that kind of renegade.

My couch is covered in a fabric that likes to absorb pet hair into the weave in a way that makes vacuuming the couch little more than aerobic exercise. Over the years I’ve tried sticky tape rollers, more than one of those maddeningly ineffective electro-static brushes, and more recently resorted to brushing the entire couch with a Furminator, which is tiresome and not so good for the upholstery. At times I’ve felt that the damn couch was hoarding cat hair in an attempt to actually morph into a cat.

So over the weekend I saw a commercial for Pledge’s new Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair and decided that since I’d purchased every other pet hair remover on the planet and been woefully disappointed, I might as well try this one. What’s another $3 in the grand scheme of things, right?

The freaking thing works, people. IT WORKS. It took very little time to do the whole couch and picked up every tiny little bit of the hair without making me sweat and curse. Try it. I promise you’ll be impressed. You may even stop fantasizing about your pets passing into the Great Beyond just so they’ll stop shedding on all your stuff.

That would be awesome.

For ease of navigation here's a running list (with commentary) of your EILCC 600-Post Show and Tell Extravaganza posts:

Tags Times Two from Skyler's Dad, the sweetest man in Blogaritaville and author of Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through The Leather Straps. Finding friends like this man is the greatest perk of blogging. Thanks, SD, for celebrating with me!

In a Sentimental Mood by The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch. I adore this woman. A-DORE. She is classy and funny and I want to sit with her by a pool, wearing big straw hats and reading trashy magazines while handsome men silently bring us mai-tais and fan us.

Scope-Tech: Gwen's Show and Tell Part I
I love it when you give this man a task; he always gives more than you requested.

Love Letters by Cora: Because Gwen Asked Me To
I thought about keeping Scope and Cora separated in this list but realized one of them would likely hack in here and rearrange things if I did, so I let them be. No monkey business over here, you two. EILCC has a low PDA threshold.)

mjenks, A Crown of Thistles: Stuff
Apologies to jenks, the man with whom I can be as un-PC as I want and he still thinks it's funny . . . I noticed early yesterday that some verbiage in this post was confusing and led jenks to believe that I was asking for pictures of your own pajama tops, so I re-worked one phrase but failed to mention the distinction to him. I'm sure he won't mind, he is the kind of guy who likes to do his own thing anyway. Also, when you read his post, pretend that all that really nice stuff he says about his new friend Kristine is about me; I did.

~E Deconstructed: More Postcards and Gwen's 600th Post
I expected to find a couple shirts that belonged to ex-boyfriends when I went digging through your closets and dressers and ~E has given us our very first one. This saucy little Seattle minx loves her special shirt so much she bought others just like it and marked "the special one" with a laundry pen!

Candy's Daily Dandy: Gwennie, Your Challenge Has Opened A Pandora's Box of Emotions
Candy's post proves that a woman will do anything for a pair of shoes she loves.

Are You Sassified?: Things I Want Thursday - T.I.W.T.
It would seem Sass couldn't resist the siren song of a Wordless/Blowing Up Shit/Six Word/Totally Awkward/Whatever Thursday but she managed to work in a story about a sweatshirt that has earned BFF status. God love her.

My best girl Whiskeymarie: "Pride" and "Dignity" Are Such Ugly Words
Holy buckets! I had no idea when I wrote the phrase "that pair of jeans you finally had to make into cut-off shorts and now you can't get rid of the shorts even though your ass hangs out the bottom like a $2 hooker" that I was speaking directly to her. You should not miss the ensemble she put together from the back of her closet. Priceless.

Scope-Tech: Gwen's Show & Tell - Part II - The Scope Coat
Scope not only let me peek in his drawers but also showed me his flare. I hope Cora doesn't try to cut me.

Suze of Suzel's Sass: Because She Said So
Huh. I never knew Suze was in the Air Force. Maybe I should stop giving her so much shit and using her credit card before she kicks my ass into next Tuesday.

Fancy Schmancy: What Gwennie Wants, Gwennie Gets!
Ahhhhhhh. Comfy duds and a special stuffed friend, perfect for the end of the day. That Fance, she always knows what we need.

Cowguy: ShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirtShirt
I've waited all day for our first "my family tried to get rid of it" story. I should've known it would be Cowguy. I can't wait to meet him and his peeps because they have a lot of fun. I've been stalking the Keota website more frequently now that the weather is better. One of these days our schedules will align and then I will magically appear in the crowd at one of their shows, like a tiny angel with a seriously foul mouth. Remind me to wear white when I go.

L'ananas, Solitary In Sanity: And Like a Facebook 5 Things
Yaaaay! Our first new person! I love it. L'ananas told me she didn't even have to think twice about her item and offered up a 14 year-old, almost-crotchless pair of shorts. Excellent. (L'ananas, I love your tag-line, "It's not you, it's me.")

Girl Interrupted, For Gwen: Better Late Than Never
I was only recently introduced to Girl Interrupted but as soon as I read her story about biting jellies (Jell-O) in the grocery I knew I had found another kindred soul. I live in awe of the scope of her passive subversion and wish we had "jellies" here.

Cash Register Jockey, Soakin' Up Paycheck: The Shirt (or Jumping on the Blogging Bandwagon)
Another EILCC newbie! Welcome, CRJ, and thanks for playing along with my silly reindeer games. In this post, CRJ shows us the Iron Maiden t-shirt he bought as a teen while on vacation with his family because he thought wearing it would make him cool. Anyone who says they never did something like this is simply a big, fat liar-mouth. Can you say "parachute pants?"

J.J. in L.A., Fun things to do for Gwen
Yes! Sick humor!  Until J.J. came along our collective wardrobe was devoid of sick humor.  Sad, really.  And surprising.  It's a good thing she was batting clean-up; we needed her.

Many, many thanks to everyone who is celebrating this EILCC milestone with me. You wonderful people are the reason I keep doing this; your friendships are my reward. I love each and every one of you.

Some of you mentioned not being able to participate due to busy schedules and broken (or nonexistent) cameras. Please don't let this stop you. I never meant to make rules that would exclude anyone. If you like this idea feel free to post anytime, with or without pictures. All I really wanted was to peek into your drawers and closets to learn more about you. Just be sure to let me know in the comments here (or here) that you've posted because I don't want to miss any of your stories. I'm going to keep adding to the list above as new posts roll in today so be sure to check back often!

I was folding laundry on Sunday when I came across this pajama top that my mom gave me as part of a Victoria's Secret sleep set so long ago that I can't even remember what the bottoms looked like. This top has aged to a sickly grayish-yellow color, the ends of the sleeves are frayed, and the material is so thin now that you can almost see through it.

Inspired by my last post I think y'all went out of your way to send me material last night.  These are the texts that started arriving on my phone about 1 am and continued arriving until about 4:

And in case you haven't gotten enough already, NYC's Trinity Church will be tweeting The Passion Play in 140 character increments starting at noon (EST) today.  Curious?  Bored at work?  You can follow it HERE.

I can't remember where or how or who I learned this from but this recipe is so good you will always have to make two batches.  It's name, Fat Fat Sugar, will make sense in about three more lines:

Lookit! I made a dress! And I did it all by myself using only my pea-sized brain!

Hey, everybody.  Candy's hosting a weekend-long Christmakwanzukka party over at her place.  You should come over.  Dr. Zibbs is there and Whiskeymarie is already dancing on the furniture!

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

I hunched down to see what it was, but as I did, the bus violently veered to left. I was thrown up against a heavyset Asian woman with blond hair. I pardoned myself, but she faced forward with no reply. Just then, a man wearing a jumpsuit of silver and gold stood up at the front of the bus. He was holding a megaphone and a box of graham crackers. He held the megaphone up to his face and began to speak... (Some Guy)

Have I told you lately how much I love you? Really. Each and every stinking one of you with your links to slankets and snugglies and warm jammies and your offers of hot toddies and fresh-from-the-oven grumblecakes.

I. Love. You.

Your comments warmed my heart and made me happy again - so happy that I have stopped whining and am bringing the sexy fun back to EILCC.

On my first trip around the blog block this morning I noticed that Dr. Zibbs has vowed not to comment anywhere until at least three people leave him Snapvine voice messages. For those of you who might’ve missed yesterday’s hijinx, let’s just say that a number of us discovered the wonder that is Snapvine, a widget you can add to your sidebar that allows other people to leave voicemail comments. The first message left yesterday was from Dr. Zibbs to H and I can’t stop listening to it. We all know the good doctor is “gifted” but his messages are a scream. Click here to listen, but not until you finish this post.

Shortly thereafter Dr. Zibbs left an original rap piece for me called “Ode to a Missouri Gal.” To listen, click on the “Gwen’s Voice Comments” on my Snapvine widget over there to the right. If you have never trusted me before, please do so now. You’re only shortchanging yourself if you don’t.

With that said, The Good Doctor is upset that people aren’t leaving him messages. Please help me keep him happy and leave him a message so he will come back out and play.

On my second trip around the blog block today I saw that Southern Belle has started a really fun comment game. Quoting directly from her post, to get you enticed:

"Here's how it works:

I make a wish.

The first commenter grants the wish, but gives it a negative outcome. Then they make their own wish.

The next commenter gives that wish a negative outcome and then makes
their own wish and so on...

Here's an example:
SouthernBelle: "I wish I had X-ray vision"
1st Commenter: "You have X-ray vision, but you can't turn it off so all you see are people's gross insides. I wish I was invisible" etc. etc."

Yes, she IS a creative genius. A couple rounds have already been played but it would be so much more fun if all of you crazy kooks would go over there and play. I am continually amazed by the creative energy you monkeys have and want to see your names over there, adding your special brand of spice to the game.

Go!

The first order of business today is saying thank you to Sausage Mechanic and his wife (my coworker) Linda for making a place at their bountiful Thankgiving table for me.  Your family was warm and welcoming, the food was excellent, and I had a ball.  I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.  Thank you!